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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU - hot drinks in the morning

119 replies

Hangingtrousers · 30/06/2020 07:53

So my DH is great. We share parenting, he does lots of house work etc etc
But... We take turns getting up with the kids and the person who gets up makes us both our morning caffeine.
I like coffee.
He likes tea.

He will never ever make me a coffee.. I always make him he's tea and my self a coffee. On his get up he makes us both tea. He knows I like a morning coffee.

I know their are bigger problems in the world by the way!!!

OP posts:

Wishimaywishimight · 30/06/2020 10:05

For the love of fuck stop giving me fucking tea. I don't want tea. If I wanted tea I would have asked for tea. I asked for coffee (as I always do) which indicates I want coffee. What is so fucking difficult to understand?? Is it that coffee has too many syllables???

(Having a really bad morning - a rant on someone else's behalf has helped...).

Original poster

Hangingtrousers · 30/06/2020 10:07

So I asked him!

He said - because I don't know how to use the coffee machine 🤣

I pointed out the instant stuff is fine and examined how to make it. So hopefully I will get coffee on my next lay in.

OP posts:

BillywigSting · 30/06/2020 10:11

My dp did this a couple of times. Then one morning he handed me yet another cup of tea, so I took it to the kitchen, poured it down the sink, rinsed my cup and made myself a coffee.

I have a moka pot that I brew in the evening before bed and a pod machine so it's not like he has to do anything more difficult than push a button or pour a bit of espresso into a cup with a splash of milk and some hot water.

He was most offended but I said you know I drink coffee not tea in the morning. I don't want a cup of tea I want a cup of coffee.

He hasn't done it since.

HouchinBawbags · 30/06/2020 10:13

I'm pretty shocked at those responding about how they can't work a coffee machine. Does that shit fly at work? Boss give you a new task to learn and instead of learning it, you just shrug it off and say you can't? And why is it more often men who can't do it? Men who are capable of running an entire office, organising huge jobs, taking meetings etc yet they can't phone their own doctor for an appointment themselves? Or knock up a dinner for the family that's anything more complicated than nuggets and oven chips?

Bloody hell people! Come on!

HavingAMoan · 30/06/2020 10:13

Hopefully it’s resolved now OP and you’ll get your coffee!

I did wonder if it’s actually because you make shit tea and he was passively aggressively having a protest. But obviously not.

I’m very tea fussy.

BlingLoving · 30/06/2020 10:15

And why is it more often men who can't do it?

And MIL. Who won't even make plunger coffee in our house!? WTF?

puffylovett · 30/06/2020 10:20

I had the same issue for years. It was only when I pointed out to him that I felt devalued and Uncared for that he actually made an effort to get my drink right.
He used to pass it off as ‘oh it’s just habit’. Err yeah well in 7 years you’ve had plenty of opportunity to learn fresh habits mate!
Mine is a bit more complicated because I don’t do cows milk. Queue lots of tipping it away in front of him. Took him a while but he got the message eventually!

Pasithea · 30/06/2020 10:22

Deal breaker for me LTB

KatharinaRosalie · 30/06/2020 10:31

No, instant is shit, you don't make him instant tea, do you?
He can drive a car and use a computer, but is unable to learn how to use a coffee machine? I don't buy it. How complicated machine do you have?

MrsKoala · 30/06/2020 10:44

I hate making h coffee. I drink herbal tea which requires pouring water onto a bag and that’s it. It takes 3 -5 seconds max. If I want black tea with milk I make it myself because h puts too much milk in and it’s vomitrocious. His coffee machine or worse the cafetière requires loads of faffing and then cleaning afterwards. He moans if I say I haven’t had time because he makes my tea In the morning. I point out that they are not comparable; the effort from him is much much less so we can make our own - he leaves the cafetière on the surface for days (sometimes mouldy weeks) because he won’t clean it, he just gets another one out of the cupboard and then switches to instant when they are all dirty.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 30/06/2020 10:53

I pointed out the instant stuff is fine and examined how to make it. So hopefully I will get coffee on my next lay in.

Why are you such a pushover? Why should a grown man not be able to learn how to operate a coffee machine? And he already knew how to make instant- it is literally written on the side of the jar!
If he had given a shit about you he would have asked you months ago how to use the machine, or looked it up online if he was embarrassed to ask.

Does he claim not to know how to use the dishwasher, hoover or washing machine either?

Flyingagainstreason · 30/06/2020 10:56

You came on mumsnet before you asked him why. I mean that is bizarre

Cheeseandwin5 · 30/06/2020 11:05

I think I along with others are pained to understand the motivations of your DH.
Assuming he knows your preference for instant coffee rather than tea in the morning, then his attitude seems frankly aggressive.
I would ask him straight out for coffee and f he continues to ignore my options would be, a) just to ask ( and for you to make) hot water and you can both sort the rest out yourself. b) if he brings you tea, leave the cup on his side of the bed and assume that he has made himself two cups of tea- and just make hot drinks for yourself from now on.

Everydayimhuffling · 30/06/2020 11:07

I hate making coffee for DP. It requires washing out the cafetier and grinding the beans. So much more work than tea! I'd do instant though, if he wasn't such a coffee snob. Glad you told yours that instant is fine - no excuse now!

Original poster

Hangingtrousers · 30/06/2020 11:10

I didnt think there was posting rules for something so minor @Flyingagainstreason

I still haven't had time to make myself a coffee but I will make him a tea in a minute. He will make lunch though. As I said we share parenting and housework.. its just this one thing.

OP posts:

Cheeseandwin5 · 30/06/2020 11:26

@Hangingtrousers
So I asked him!

So you have stewed (apologies) on it and than put it out to MN, before speaking to him directly.
I am speechless.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 30/06/2020 11:40

Oh thank God for that OP! I had become irrationally, disproportionately angry on your behalf.
I was so outraged about the tea that I was about to suggest that you should never make him tea again but should instead continually bring him drinks he didn’t want. The more inappropriate the better - A good morning Cup-a-soup, instant Horlicks,......

squeekums · 30/06/2020 11:44

Dp values his life more than to mess with my morning coffee

puzzledpiece · 30/06/2020 11:50

I can u derstand reluctance with a lot of faffing with a machine but not with instant. It's bizarre

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