AIBU - hot drinks in the morning

[Hangingtrousers]

So my DH is great. We share parenting, he does lots of house work etc etc
But... We take turns getting up with the kids and the person who gets up makes us both our morning caffeine.
I like coffee.
He likes tea.

He will never ever make me a coffee.. I always make him he's tea and my self a coffee. On his get up he makes us both tea. He knows I like a morning coffee.

I know their are bigger problems in the world by the way!!!

That would piss me off too OP. My DH can be very thoughtless and insensitive but on the mornings he is up before me he always, without fail, makes me a cup of filter coffee and brings it to me in bed. This despite the fact that he very much dislikes the smell of coffee and only ever drinks tea.

Do you drink the tea? I’d start leaving it on the side and ostentatiously prepare myself some coffee.

I presume you just prefer coffee rather than actively disliking tea. There are bigger problems in the world of that is the case.

What does he say when you say "Why do you make me tea in the morning when you know I want coffee?". If his reply infers that he can't be bothered, rather than he thought you didn't mind tea, then he would be getting coffee every morning until he learnt.

YANBU at all. This would really annoy me.

Hmmm he's definitely being lazy. My DP makes me a coffee every morning (with my coffee machine) and makes himself a tea.

But also how hard is it to put a cup under the machine, put a pod in the top and press a button? Easier than faffing around brewing tea I reckon.

I honestly can't see why you're putting up with this OP. Either stop making him anything or make him coffees every single time. It's fucking rude!

Whoever my husband or I make a brew for, we do it exactly how the receiver would like it. If it's us, we already know. Perfect every time.
If it's guests or family then offering a cuppa has a couple of extra questions along with "tea or coffee? Sugar? Milk?"
Do you like it strong, middle or weak? Bit of milk? Lots? It's not hard to make a drink to the drinkers preferences or it would be pointless. They just wouldn't like it and would be drinking it out of politeness.

My dad doesn't take sugar so he would only put one half teaspoon instead of two in mine because he said it was too much. So I'd leave it untouched, much to his annoyance as I'd explained every time I took it sweet. It's rude. Why offer and then tell the guest they're wrong? He started putting two sugars in on his turns.

Same with friends. They take half a damn dairy farm in their mug and I like just a splash yet they still make a half milk, half weak ass tea telling me "oh no, that's how much milk tea has to have!". I just don't accept offers any more. Again,it's bloody awful hosting hosting.

Get your DH told OP. He sounds like a dick.

Leave your cup out the night before with your coffee in it, not that you should have to lol

I'd start making him coffee when I was doing the drinks and when he complained say, "what? You always make me tea, what's the problem?"

I have coffee in the morning. Whoever gets to the kitchen first makes the hot drinks. DH has decaff or rooibos tea with honey and lemon, I have black coffee with at least two spoons of coffee and if anyone deviated from that the other one of us would think they were a dick.

This is quite passive aggressive imo.Sort of thing my very abusive exh would do to either start a row if l objected or just to enjoy the look of disappointment on my face. He would do similar with takeaways, he would ring me up on way home late evening and ask if l fancied a bag of chips then either come home empty handed and say he 'forgot' or come in stinking of vinegar obv. had a bag himself and say he thought l said no. In a pub if he went to the bar he'd get ice in my drink knowing full well l hate ice in drinks and then he'd make a big deal about me fishing it out and so on. I'm not saying your dh is an abusive arse like my exH (l sincerely hope not anyway) but just saying doing things like this is not good if it's been done to deliberately piss you off.

My DH makes me a coffee when he makes himself a tea in the morning. I don't see why he wouldn't. You need to tell him how much this annoys you!

Hmm.. I disagree with setting your coffee up for him. It's doing half of his extremely easy task for him. It's extra work for you and infantilising him. Why should you do it?

Make him a coffee when you do it. Every time. He’s a lazy passive aggressive dick IMO.

This is just like my household although the difference is my DH makes a shit coffee so I dont mind him not making one.

Don't just make him coffee instead of tea when you get up. Make him decaff coffee. He'll soon learn when he keeps getting the caffeine withdrawal headache mid-morning.

Sorry but partly I'm with your DH. My DH likes proper coffee and I have never been able to work out how to use his supposedly easy coffee machine. So he makes me a tea in the mornings and himself a coffee, but if I get up first I know he'd hate instant (unlike you, OP) so I don't make him a drink. But he's okay with that.

If your DH knows you don't mind instant, then yes he's being a dick. Buy him a one-person teapot.

If you have a cafetiere, it's as easy to make proper coffee as it is to make tea or instant coffee.

Fill kettle, switch on.

Put tea in pot.

Put coffee grounds in cafetiere

When kettle boils, fill each receptacle.

He's a selfish git. Make him coffee every time.

Quite honestly, I'm actually a bit shocked by this. And by the somewhat laid back responses of people on here.

It's entirely and totally not okay. If you've got some fancy coffee machine that it takes 20 minutes to make a coffee, I might have some sympathy as it adds significantly to his morning but most coffee machines might be a bit fiddly but they don't take THAT long. And if he hates it that much, a compromise solution that works for both of you would appear to be the answer (instant coffee or plunger coffee, for example).

I would find this incredibly rude, disrespectful and possibly a bit controlling. You're not a child who gets told what to eat or drink.

Ask again, and if he continues to make you tea I'd start making him coffee! Is he forgetful/awful at mornings? Stick a post-it on the kettle as a reminder

I couldn't make coffee in the morning. I hate the stuff and it stinks. The smell makes me feel sick especially in the morning. Is that the case with your dh?

Has he ever made you a coffee which you've said wasn't nice? I only ask as I am particular about my coffee and my dh has a knack of making it taste like mud! I'm wondering if that's why your dh only makes tea, as he feels safe with it. Do you drink any tea at all? If not, then that's strange he makes it for you at all.

(I say this as someone who doesn't like coffee and had to learn to use a complicated machine for my partner! Including milk frother fgs!)

LTB!!!!!!!!!!

Selfish prick. Make him. Coffee only then.

What does he say when you tell him you didn't want tea, you wanted coffee?

you make both your drinks, he makes himself a drink

That. Ask him where your drink is, because what he really does is make himself a pot of tea, because he prefers his tea that way.