Fiancé said I was fat

[TryTryTryAgain95]

So I want to make this really clear from the beginning, this is not a regular occurrence, my partner really is supportive and loving and an amazing father, so no bashing him please!

So recently I’ve been struggling with bloating, and having spoken to my doctor I’ve started a tablet to help which I felt was working. So at the dinner table this evening after finishing our meal and saying I was full, I mentioned I hadn’t felt bloated today which was a nice change, and he replied with “no just a big belly” I said “thanks” laughed it off thinking he meant the fact I said I was full. He then said immediately after “maybe you should start yoga again” so I then realised he was actually talking about my weight. I’m by no means small and have definitely put on some weight after having my son 11 months ago, I’m about 10st 10 lbs atm which is about 2 stone heavier than I was and what is a healthy weight for me.

I took myself away from the table, didn’t let on I was upset and just came upstairs. I wanted to sit and evaluate my feelings first before getting angry and upset with him.

But I want to know am I being reasonable being upset about this? Am I just being sensitive? It’s not something he normally says but it did upset me.

@TryTryTryAgain95 If you do get ibs it's worth being referred to an nhs dietician to try the Fodmap diet. It's 75% successful if you follow it.

Also, your endo- is that being treated? Have you been offered surgery?
Have you seen a specialist and did they offer treatment? If you have adhesions in the bowel I suppose it could affect it especially during a period.

It's great you want to get back to some exercise, but exercise alone won't shift much weight- you need to look at food intake more.

Lots of people here swear by My Fitness Pal where you enter all your food and activity.

Good luck with it all.

Do you mean your ex-fiance?

The majority of adults in the UK are overweight and all this silly 'Must never talk about it' stuff and accusations of 'Fat shaming' just because someone's dared to utter the obvious, is really not helping.

This ^^

@JinglingHellsBells lots of nutritionists and plenty of research to show that shaming and shame do not help in losing weight-in fact the opposite. Shame can be a toxic emotion - we should never be looking to actively invoke this in someone else! Again lots of research shows out societies obsession with dieting is having the opposite effect-the majority dieters don't lose weight, they cycle. Which has been shown to have a more negative impact on the body than staying at a larger weight. We're sold a lot of gumpf and crappy science from the diet industry. OP, your husband can be supportive but ultimately he's irrelevant, noone else can ever make us do anything behavioural - it comes from us. It sounds as though his comment hurt you, talk to him. It's not ok to comment on someone's physical appearance.

OP take a look at the F*ck it Diet, a way to reset relationship with food in a positive way, ie hunger cues etc.

@JinglingHellsBells I have had two lots of excision surgery, and currently waiting for a third but after discussing with a specialist we discoed it was best to wait until I have had my second baby unless my fertility is affected. Reason for this being is my adhesions develop quite badly and so can cause more issues, I get relief for around a year and a half after surgery then symptoms return, and because of hormones being at different than usual levels during and after pregnancy this cause my endometriosis yo flair a lot worse than it usually would, causing the IBS. (That’s my doctors thoughts) I actually eat really well, my diet is balanced and in good proportion, my issue is not exercising at all recently as my pain had been quite awful. So not that these tablets are helping the bloating which in turn has helped the pain, i can get back to it

The hcp professional who came on this thread said these 2 things:

• fat shaming doesn’t work
• most of the people on the weight loss programme were there because people had commented about their weight

So which is it?

I’m pretty sure conversations change behaviour. It’s the fabric of our lives. Having conversations about weight are obviously important as they instigate change and catapult you out of denial.

If fat people know they are fat, what’s the issue with talking about it? They may feel shame about it, I get that, but denial and procrastination are clearly behaviours that are prevalent if people are fat and doing nothing about it...so conversations become even more important!

I’d hate that my partner couldn’t talk to me about weight....that would be awful. I’d imagine the ick developing without me even being given the chance to do something about it

Inevitably there are some responding here calling what the BF did "fat shaming" - pathetic. As if putting on weight isn't unhealthy. As if physical attraction isn't changed by weight gain. As if someone you intend to marry can't speak to you about these things.

People should fuck off with the "fat shaming". Doing no one any favours by calling a perfectly healthy discussion that. Look around. Look where inability to talk about weight brought us. Me included.

Op, make sure that as pp mentioned you ask for dietitian because they could help find foods which we will sit with you better. I hope you feel better soon!

As a couple you should be able to discuss these things as long as no one gets nasty. He was just bit matter of fact. Which in itself isn't a bad thing either. As a person who once put on the "just 2 stones", I can tell you how easily they turn to 20...😳
It's easier to keep fit rather than get fit. Plus working out really does bring better mood. 2 birds one stone😁

I don’t think he’s fat shaming you at all.

You’re two stone heavier than you were and I think your DF, whilst being clumsy with his words (men!) was just trying to be honest.

Too many comments here of people being offended and saying he was wrong. He’s pointing out the obvious, you ARE bigger.

It’s, of course, up to you what you want to do about it but don’t lie to yourself that he’s wrong.

He wasn’t fat shaming. That would be saying something deliberately insulting. OP if you are 20% over your best weight (for you) then would it really be helpful for him to normalise that? Many people then go on to gain more and more.

My DH has gained weight and it’s so hard to keep encouraging him to WANT to lose some weight both for health and aesthetic reasons, without coming right out with, ‘You have become fat.’

Now is a good time to address this. Good luck.

You should be downstairs telling your dp how you feel not asking a lot of strangers if your feelings are rational.if you feel hurt tell him.it didn't sound as if he was being nasty.just not well thought out.
If you are happy op,tell him!your body is your business.
I hope you manage to sort this amicably.

Not sure how he replied with “no just a big belly” is being a loving supportive partner

My partner knows my weight bothers me, and will mention the gym, or swimming, I dont take it as fat shaming or that he was being mean, hes my partner, we should be able to talk freely, to an extent.

Same as if I know something is bothering him, ill offer him the same advice.