To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

What is the problem with this thread? Some zombies are annoying when the child being asked about is now at uni but this is not a time sensitive thread.

Offered to help (what I thought was) a homeless man find the nearest shelter and pay for him to stay the night, got screamed at for it. Turns out he had a home, he just wanted cash. It was the last time I was ever naive enough to offer help to someone on the street, never again!

When I bought my first house, the previous owner and her child claimed they were caught short and couldn't move into their new flat until the following day (even though the date of the sale had been set for about four months, so she had plenty of time to get out). She was the ex-wife of a colleague (the house sale was because she wanted a divorce), whom I had met once or twice at work functions, so I agreed they could stay in the house one more night and leave the following morning (it was no issue for me as I was living at my parents at the time so didn't need to immediately rush to move in).

The following day she kept putting me off to come round- initially it was agreed 10am, then she asked if it could be 12, then by 2pm I'd had enough and told her to get out.

The house was left in an absolute state. Furniture left behind, loft full of junk, both bathrooms where filled with things like decorative vases and pictures, wardrobes still with clothes in, garage absolutely crammed full of tools/paint/cleaning products (which was ironic as the place was filthy). She left a pair of her toddler daughter's knickers on the patio and there was a tray of chicken teddies left in the oven from dinner the night before.

When I tried to call her she ignored my calls. Eventually I called the lawyers and instructed them to withhold funds because I was going to have to hire a skip and cleaners and the cost would be coming out of the house sale. When she heard that she straight on the phone crying saying I was bullying her! Eventually they agreed to pay for rubbish clearance- 26 bin bags, one wasted weekend and a small skip later, the house was finally empty enough to be able to move in!

Yup! Had a sum of money put aside for a specific project that wasn;t going to be happening for two years.

Step son asked to borrow the money to start his own business. I agreed it was for the two years and of course no interest. He went out and bought a top of the range car.
When the project started I asked for the money back and being as he had never started his own business. A letter came back saying he was not going to pay me back. I threatened him with court action and the whole family imploded taking his side.

As it turns out the fact we are NC with the lot of them suits us. If they would treat us that badly who needs that!

He and his sister are treated like snowflakes by everyone. I imagine me sending him a NIP would have been shocking to them all as none of them live in the real world.

I've several times lent furniture or curtains to people who have just moved to a house and have nothing that fits. In one case they returned only one curtain of a pair, another was ripped, one friend sold the house shortly after including the curtains I'd lent, another still has them 20 years later. A table I lent someone took 23 years to be returned. That's worked out fine though, as I'd have probably got rid of it but now I like it again! Lent my satnav and it wasn't returned for a year, with the comment they hadn't used it. Basically never lend something now unless I'm willing to give it.

@Swordfish1

Yes. I was living abroad and relatives of dp's ex wife had contacted him and asked to visit for a weeks break. I had never met them but dp had quite a long time ago and said they had always got on well. Plus they had a child who had just finished undergoing treatment for cancer and apparantly were having a really tough time and needed a break.

So, I obviously thought, ok why not. They sound like they've really been through it all recently and we lived in a very picturesque, tranquil place.

So they arrived, without the child though, but OK. I thought perhaps they needed a break just the two of them after everything that's gone on.

However they completely ignored me on arrival, which I found extremely weird, but were all huggy and gushy with dp. Brought absolutely nothing with them. I'm not grabby, but I did think perhaps arriving with a bottle of wine or some beer might be polite, considering we had pre-arranged I would cook dinner for everyone that evening. So I put that down to perhaps they hadn't had time to stop off anywhere to buy some.

But it just got worse. They ate with us everyday, not once offered to help or cook or purchase food, or help clear up even. We were really struggling financially at the time so 2 extra people was quite a big deal. They even went to the supermarket on day 4 and returned with wine, just for them, as she didn't like the wine we had in the house very much. Hadn't stopped her drinking it though. Bought nothing back for anyone else. Not even a bag of sweets for the dc or replacement of any of the wine or beer they had already drank every night. And hadn't also mentioned they were going or asked if we needed anything picking up.

I'm still hanging on though to the hard time they had had recently with their child and thinking perhaps they were just so stressed. Then on day 5 I lost all respect for them. The wife mentioned they had only left the dc at home because they were a handful and just didn't want to bring them. THEN, she said they had ALREADY been to spain for a week and were going to Greece in a couple of months time.

So there was me thinking we were being kind, letting them stay with us and thinking it was the only option of a break they had.

I had cooked their dinner every night, after a full days work. They had done absolutely nothing to help out. Had drank all our wine and beer and not replaced. In fact we had replaced and they had also drank the replacements. Used our house like a hotel, expected me to wash their towels once. (I showed her how to use the machine instead).

On the last night, at this point, I was not quiet in my dislike for them. They suggested we all go out for dinner. So we did along with a couple of our friends. When the bill came, we all said we'll split it equally amongst the adults as everyone had pretty much the same with the exception of the odd extra glass of wine here and there, but which pretty much evened out among the couples. BUT my main had been 3 euros more than anyone elses. And they had the cheek to point out that as my main had been 3 euros more, I should pay 3 euros more. Honestly. I just got up and left it to DP. They had stayed for free in my house, not being the least bit friendly towards me, and not lifting a finger and then had the audacity to moan I had spent 3 euros more on my dinner than they did and so it shouldn't be split evenly. In all honesty had I stayed at someones house for free I'd have bought their entire dinner. And also some flowers or other token of appreciation. There was not even a thankyou!!

They were by far the rudest, most arrogant and free-loading people I have ever met.

I am still seething to this day and this was about 8 years ago.

How rude can some people be? Please tell me you aren't still friends with them and something was said to them?

I just don’t lend anyone anything anymore. It is not worth it. My husband loves lending people stuff/money and it never comes back. One of his supposedly good mates owes us thousands and has nigh-on cut us off now. I had to tell my H that though he’s being kind, he’s taking from his own family to give to ungrateful bastards with no intention of returning it. He banned me from tearing the guy a new one. I’m so pissed off about it.
My inlaws are the worst for feeling entitled to our stuff, though.

I stupidly helped a colleague who was at the same level as me with her work, as we were friends and she was upset that she was underwater. This made her look senior to me and, before long, she was promoted above me despite my having been there a lot longer and being more experienced.

@NotSeenBulling

Yup! Had a sum of money put aside for a specific project that wasn;t going to be happening for two years. Step son asked to borrow the money to start his own business. I agreed it was for the two years and of course no interest. He went out and bought a top of the range car. When the project started I asked for the money back and being as he had never started his own business. A letter came back saying he was not going to pay me back. I threatened him with court action and the whole family imploded taking his side. As it turns out the fact we are NC with the lot of them suits us. If they would treat us that badly who needs that! He and his sister are treated like snowflakes by everyone. I imagine me sending him a NIP would have been shocking to them all as none of them live in the real world.

Did you get your money back?

Friend was moving house and putting lots of things into storage. Was panicking as moving day approached and they were not organised. I asked DH if we could use his (larger) car to help and he agreed willingly. We arrived ready to ferry stuff to the storage but were shown a huge pile of unwanted stuff from the garden and shed.. old paint cans, rusted tools, broken toys, various leaking garden and car products, generally a huge heap of dirty stuff, for us to take to the tip. We dutifully loaded up and made three trips to the tip. On our return her DH, who was taking a fag break, said thank you, we didn't want to put all that rubbish in our car. 😏

Some years ago, I moved to a smallish town with my family and made friends with a woman whose daughter was a friend of my DD from school. She was Polish and told me she found settling into life in the UK difficult. She was struggling with some physical health problems too- a thyroid issue and fibromyalgia. She had been a victim of childhood abuse too in Poland and I could see she needed support as a single mum coping alone.

We went out for coffees, lunch at her place and mine. I took her to the pub occasionally and we had a great laugh. I helped her out by giving her a few of my unneeded household items - some bits and bobs for the kitchen. I bought her a necklace which she appeared to really like for her birthday and a bottle of ( quite expensive) perfume I didn’t use and we got on well.

She was on benefits and told me she found it really hard to feed her two children properly on such a strict budget.

One day, she said she was really struggling for money to buy food as her benefit money had run out. I gave her £30. She said thanks and how she would buy lots of food for her two kids. I said no problem, don’t worry about paying me back ( I was thinking if her children here).

Later that evening, my DH and I went for an impromptu drink at our local spoons. I walked in and saw my friend sitting in the corner with her older son having a big slap up meal and she had a bottle of wine.

Now I can’t prove that she used my £30 to buy this and was lying to me all along. However, at the time that’s what it felt and looked like. The pub was really busy and she didn’t see me as she was over in a booth away from the entrance. I went to the other side of the pub ( it’s one of those huge spoons).

So that was it. I ended the friendship. I was hurt and upset my trust had been betrayed. I later found out that she engaged in drugs, had lots of dodgy men in and out of her life and generally lived a chaotic life. Other people then told me that this lady was well known locally in the town for ‘using and abusing’ the generosity of everyone she knew and always had plenty of money.

I did like her and never judged her at all- but understood I’d been played. I only knew her for 6 months but I have remained very wary of other’s intentions since.

I am still sad about it all this time later. But I think she would have carried on lying to me so felt I had to walk away. A shame really- I thought I had a good friend there.

A friend and I went to a daytime party in her car (just made sense to go together as we lived a couple of doors apart. We tended to alternate who drove).

By the end of the party she had been drinking and I hadn't so she said I would have to drive us home in her car.

Sitting, correctly positioned, on the main road waiting to turn into our road, a car coming the other way was too close and cracked into the wing mirror with theirs.

She made me pay for the repairs because I was driving.

I don't know what I was thinking, but I did pay. I wouldn't now.

@Dramallamabanana

When I bought my first house, the previous owner and her child claimed they were caught short and couldn't move into their new flat until the following day (even though the date of the sale had been set for about four months, so she had plenty of time to get out). She was the ex-wife of a colleague (the house sale was because she wanted a divorce), whom I had met once or twice at work functions, so I agreed they could stay in the house one more night and leave the following morning (it was no issue for me as I was living at my parents at the time so didn't need to immediately rush to move in).

The following day she kept putting me off to come round- initially it was agreed 10am, then she asked if it could be 12, then by 2pm I'd had enough and told her to get out.

The house was left in an absolute state. Furniture left behind, loft full of junk, both bathrooms where filled with things like decorative vases and pictures, wardrobes still with clothes in, garage absolutely crammed full of tools/paint/cleaning products (which was ironic as the place was filthy). She left a pair of her toddler daughter's knickers on the patio and there was a tray of chicken teddies left in the oven from dinner the night before.

When I tried to call her she ignored my calls. Eventually I called the lawyers and instructed them to withhold funds because I was going to have to hire a skip and cleaners and the cost would be coming out of the house sale. When she heard that she straight on the phone crying saying I was bullying her! Eventually they agreed to pay for rubbish clearance- 26 bin bags, one wasted weekend and a small skip later, the house was finally empty enough to be able to move in!

I'm so glad you stood up to her, that was so rude of her!

I remember buying a house once and I arrived to find the sellers still there, hadn't even started packing. OMG I found it difficult to manage my frustration. I had booked the day off work etc.

They were finally gone by next morning to be fair the possessions were gone but it wasn't clean.

I genuinely don't understand some people, what is it they think that leaving a property means 😱

Yes, I have. My theory is because often you think you've made a nice gesture, but you've actually been cleverly nudged into it. And the sort of people who nudge have quite a major overlap with people who regret making kind gestures towards.

Yes, I have. It involved money, not a lot in the grand scheme of things but it was a fortune to me at the time (£300). 'No good deed . . . ' blah blah blah. Bollocks. BUT, but, I learned from it and never went down that road again. Never loan what you can't afford to give.

I was in a large train station in England and a woman approached me. She had a shawl covering her face and didn’t speak English so she had a note which read a sad story and that basically she needed a specific baby formula for her child. I asked where I would get it from and she pointed me to a shop in the station. It was £9 which I didn’t mind paying at all so I took it out to her. She then said she needed the receipt. I didn’t even have the receipt as I paid at the self-service and just left the receipt (for some reason🤷‍♀️). Straight away knew I’d been scammed 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣 I’ve seen her multiple times since and just avoid.

@NormanStangerson

I just don’t lend anyone anything anymore. It is not worth it. My husband loves lending people stuff/money and it never comes back. One of his supposedly good mates owes us thousands and has nigh-on cut us off now. I had to tell my H that though he’s being kind, he’s taking from his own family to give to ungrateful bastards with no intention of returning it. He banned me from tearing the guy a new one. I’m so pissed off about it. My inlaws are the worst for feeling entitled to our stuff, though.

I don't, either and would end things with lenders/people pleasers because no longer interested in subsidising CFs.

Also, if you don’t like trees don’t buy a house surrounded by mature specimens!

Why do people do this? It boggles the mind. A few years ago we bought a house in an area highly populated with large trees. It was a gorgeous tree lined road.
New neighbour after new neighbour have moved in and chopped down every single tree in their garden. I would say the road has less than half of the trees it had a couple years ago. It looks a totally different place with tree stumps everywhere. People keep asking me when I'm going to cut mine down and there was much pearl clutching when I planted a small laurel hedge (3 plants).

Yes they were neighbour's trees to cut down but I can't see why people buy a property with large trees and then promptly remove them all. Why not buy a house with no trees? I don't really want to live here anymore but I shudder to think someone will move in and cut down all the trees on my property. Soon there will be no trees left on the road at all.

@Notabs

I was in a large train station in England and a woman approached me. She had a shawl covering her face and didn’t speak English so she had a note which read a sad story and that basically she needed a specific baby formula for her child. I asked where I would get it from and she pointed me to a shop in the station. It was £9 which I didn’t mind paying at all so I took it out to her. She then said she needed the receipt. I didn’t even have the receipt as I paid at the self-service and just left the receipt (for some reason🤷‍♀️). Straight away knew I’d been scammed 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣 I’ve seen her multiple times since and just avoid.

Scammers ruin it for the needy 😔

Graphista....brilliant post. I've been made a mug if many a time, I had my wake up call when my husband passed away very suddenly, good friends and even family didnt hear a thing, nearly 3 years after the event I've not heard from those people. I have not contacted. When something like that happens to you it really shows who cares and who doesnt.

Several years ago I bought my first home. I got a sob story about how the owner was elderly and couldn't come down too much on the price because they needed to pay for care, etc. I fell for it and paid £2,000 more than I wanted to. I knew the house needed a lot of work. It hadn't been touched in at least 50 years so I was prepared to live 'rough' for a few months until I could get the basics sorted like electrics, plumbing, etc. I collected the keys from the estate agent and had appointments booked that week for various trademen to get started.
I was suspicious when I drove up to the house and the previous owner's car was still in the covered drive. I opened the front door to find that all of the previous owner's stuff was still in the house. It looked as though someone had just stepped out to the shop and would be coming right back. Their toothbrushes and breakfast plates and dentures and everything was still there. All the furniture, food in the fridge, bins full of rubbish, filth everywhere. It was disgusting!
I phoned the estate agent who told me they had definitely moved out. Believing the previous owner to be elderly and now living in a care home and unable to clear their things, I didn't think I could force them to do it. So I cancelled all the appointments that week until I could hire 3 large skips to clear the entire 3 bedroom home of all the contents. I phoned a charity to collect the car (keys I found in the kitchen) as a donation. I spent so much money clearing the house that I couldn't afford to pay the tradesmen for another several months so my living rough turned into over a year rather than a few months. During this year the previous owner (who appeared to be in his 60's and driving!!!) turned up twice asking to 'pop in and collect' something of his. Both times I told him I'd cleared MY house of all his stuff and he shouldn't have left everything behind. He was fuming I didn't have whatever it was he wanted to collect and couldn't see why I had cleared away 'nice stuff'. He thought he had done me a favour by leaving all his junk behind!!!
I was young and naive and the next 2 houses I've bought I've ensured the properties are cleared BEFORE I move in. We live and learn I guess.

@Rainbowandscarlett that’s the worse CF thing I’ve ever heard. Punching the dog! Did you report her for that? The sanpro thing is revolting.

@Notabs

I was in a large train station in England and a woman approached me. She had a shawl covering her face and didn’t speak English so she had a note which read a sad story and that basically she needed a specific baby formula for her child. I asked where I would get it from and she pointed me to a shop in the station. It was £9 which I didn’t mind paying at all so I took it out to her. She then said she needed the receipt. I didn’t even have the receipt as I paid at the self-service and just left the receipt (for some reason🤷‍♀️). Straight away knew I’d been scammed 🤦‍♀️🤣🤣 I’ve seen her multiple times since and just avoid.

There is a similar man in our local town who's wife has been in labour for the last 15 years in the next town. £15 for a taxi. He's asked me more than once and I told him he'd be better contacting Guinness as her labour is probably a record.

A woman came to pick a kitten from a feral litter I had advertised as FREE to good outside home as definitely not housecat. She showed me pic on her phone of her adored cats. She took three kittens saying her husband was In love with them all. She came back the next day asking for more kittens as she had spent the evening petting them and later sold them on eBay as pets. Showed her the door and have regretted my stupidity ever since.

also a well known man in our local town says he needs train fare to go visit his ill brother

hes done the story so many times now people even finish it for him-hes on drugs and forgets who hes told