To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

Posting so I can come back later

@BeagleEagle - my husband who is pretty straight down the line , always says I would prefer to do the right thing and look like a fool than do the wrong thing and be unkind. But in the context of what you can afford. He would always also say "Fool me once , fool me twice " ( whatever that saying is ) - I have paraphrased.

We’ve had threads resurrected from 10+ years occasionally! 😂
Count yourselves 🍀

Granted. It can be frustrating to post on a thread and then realise it's not current.

If ever someone resurrected 'Performance Dad at the Swimming Pool' I'd be the first to reread it!

Because their new house wasn’t going to be ready, I agreed to our vendors staying 4 days after completion - my solicitor had a pink fit.

Despite this, and knowing that I’d be moving in on my own (dh working abroad) with a small baby, the bitch took nearly all the curtain rails down (I’d gladly have paid for them) and most of the lightbulbs out of the sockets.
Evidently she was more pissed off than we’d realised, about dh beating her down on the price.
She was an appalling snob, too.

My sibling once let an ex keep some bags/suitcases of stuff at her house until he sorted himself out. Then she found a kilo of cocaine within it.

Oh, zombie thread

Yes. Took a single mum under my wing, helped her with summer holidays childcare when she was working

She stabbed me in the back by having an affair with my husband, bad mouthing me to everyone and wrecking me life

Now I don't help or trust anyone.

Yes!

Ach - yes zombie thread - non the less I think enough interesting things. Sorry for not noticing further up

Oh hell yes, gave DH’s ex an appliance I would have otherwise sold in an attempt to build something with her for sake of the children. Sounds random but I didn’t need it and I heard she needed one.

Not even a word of thanks, just the same ungrateful moaning misery that we still get from her years later. You can’t help some people.

Yes, many times sadly. I'm not as helpful now.

Went out for a meal with a friend, she had forgotten both her credit and debit card apparently, so I paid. Now, it was only about £40, but she never paid it back. Why not?! Its only 40 quid.

So that's how much the friendship meant - £40. I never spoke to her again, which was a shame as we got on. Very odd behaviour

[quote BasiliskStare]@BeagleEagle - my husband who is pretty straight down the line , always says I would prefer to do the right thing and look like a fool than do the wrong thing and be unkind. But in the context of what you can afford. He would always also say "Fool me once , fool me twice " ( whatever that saying is ) - I have paraphrased.[/quote]
Exactly!

Many times, but the one that hurt the most...

My DSis (in another country) was complaining to me that she didn't have money to feed her DS, and that a lady at work brought food in for her to eat at lunch. I was pretty broke myself, but sent my DSis a reasonable amount of money to help her out. A couple of weeks later I saw on her FB timeline that she had booked a 2-week holiday at a luxury game lodge. I haven't sent her any more money, and I doubt I will again.

Once baby sat a friends 2 year old 4 nights a week for a year for free because I felt bad that she was a struggling single mother. She told me she was working in the city as a waitress in the city earning minimum wage. Turns out she was a dancer in a strip club getting a small fortune that she was then putting up her nose.

I have a friend who I gave lot of things to when we were downsizing - did not ask for a penny ( and she and family probably have more money than us.) so all OK Last thing ( £XXXs) she said do you want money & I said no but a voucher for a specific thing - so she could have chosen the amount - Not heard a squeak.

Well hence my post re some people are generous and some people will just take anything because they think aha free ) Obviously there are people in the middle who are nice and kind and will do a little thing to say thank you.

Took a kid to nursery. Got social services called on me about my own kid due to 1 bruise on the face. Currently undergoing investigation, has turned me from a happy bubbly person to a anxious stressed out just want to die kind of person.

@BasiliskStare

I do think to some extent there are people whose tendency is to give and be generous and there are those whose tendency is to take. The trick is to stop giving if you think they are taking the piss & just admit you have been taken the piss out of & move on

That's very true. Some people really like to help out, to be a good friend and they often attract those who have no qualms about taking advantage.

I think the trick is to know your limits. A lot of the stories on here are about situations which wouldn't have arisen if the poster had firmer boundaries. It's hard drawing boundaries if you've had your own needs ignored during childhood, it can take quite a lot of work to figure them out (though many MN posters would insist there's nothing to it/ no is a complete sentence 🙄)

@Jet888

I thought I didn't have one of these experiences then remembered an awful one from 15 years ago! Was during ash cloud from volcano and was stuck in Italy. Everyone panicking about getting back for work etc. I was 23, newly in work and obviously not on loads of money. Anyway, manage to sort route home via complicated trains, hire cars etc. Older couple at my hotel, not tech savvy panicking cos their card wasn't accepted. I (stupidly, can't believe i did it now but I was young and naieve!) paid for their tickets and they said they'd pay me back. Anyway, long story short their flight gets rebooked, mine doesn't. They come to me saying thanks, don't need those tickets for hundreds of pounds anymore but will sort out when home and exchange emails. Once back home having nightmare trying to reclaim money through Italian train companies etc who say it will take weeks etc. Message the couple asking for money to cover my credit card bill and saying once the refund gets sorted il transfer money back to them. They respond, no, how do we know you won't fleece us out of the money and keep the refund for myself? It was my job to sort out the refund and wait for it etc. I told them the fact I was willing to put hundreds on my credit card for them suggested I was unlikely to scam them but they had no of it. Eventually I got money from them and transferred refund to them after months of bureaucracy. Turns out my dad had looked up their address somehow and wrote them a letter telling them they should be ashamed of themselves for taking money from a young girl and then bring do rude to her. He said he hoped no one would ever take advantage of their children in the same way they had taken advantage of his... their payment came through slightly after the letter apparently...

Blimey that is disgraceful. I'm so sorry you went through that. Bless your dad for sticking up for you.

@Verity35 I think it’s a very difficult for me to figure out when it’s a CF request or when a person is needy and I should help.

Almost everyone has an income of some sort from somewhere, it's upto them what they spend it on. Very few people are in genuine need. 99.9% of the time when people are skint it's because they've chosen to spend the money on something else.

@Tiny2018 sell the caravan and change the lock. Don't give him a key. Bag his stuff up and put it on the street. Your ex and his child have no right to live in your house or in the caravan in your garden. They'll be housed by the council, which is where he should have gone for help in the first place.

@Binny36 decent people don't test your boundaries, it's as simple as that. Those who do, cut them loose, they're bad news.

I've loaned money and had to fight to get it back. I've lent items and had them back damaged. I've given hours of my time to help out then when I've needed a favour nobody's there. I very rarely help anyone any more IRL.

I'm the sort of person who never asks for help unless I'm totally desperate and often not even then. So when others asked me for help I used to assume they were totally desperate. I've learned that so many people will have others do things or pay for things for them for no reason other than 'because they can' and it's easier if someone else does it or pays for it, so they don't have to.

@unlikelytobe

Can someone supply a story where the CF got called out on it, shamed or received bad karma? Better still, a little taste of their own medicine. I would like to think some of the CF's occasionally get their comeuppance or think to say thanks/sorry eventually ...or am I being naive?

These are my favourite too!

Paid some money for some financial help for a young lady who is having another baby and can't afford it. (Part of a social group)

I've seen her post on a UC help page and turns out she will be able to claim a lot. It works out more than I make from my job.

I've regretted giving anything. Suddenly came to the conclusion maybe don't have another baby if you're already broke with not much hope of that changing. Why am I giving money to someone else when I can't afford another child of my own and have been responsible enough not to have one.

My partners daughter

After problems with her mother (who is abusive) he asked if she could come and live with us

That was fine

So aged 16 she moved her stuff in,we gave her a key and tried to rub along together-I downplayed her lies and the fact stuff would go missing and show up in her room,after all she had been through a lot with her mother

For context all my kids have had jobs since they where about 13 (pocket money jobs from the neighbours and paper rounds etc as they got older-all but one work full time now)

She’d never done a job in her life-I had to teach her how to fold clothes and how to cook basic meals for herself etc

A year slid past and she was getting a lot better at life skills so I suggested she got a Saturday job to bring in money for herself and teach her skills I couldn’t (she wasn’t quite 17 at the time but weeks away from her birthday)

You’d have thought I had suggested torturing cats the way she reacted

She tried to make it clear that we should smooth her way in life until she met and married a rich man who would pay for her until she died-we where just human cashpoints-oh and I should work double my hours to keep her in clothes and treats

I made it clear that she had to get a job or move out-I wasn’t demanding rent but she did have to start earning her own money instead of sponging from us

In revenge she started breaking/stealing stuff,she’d block the toilet daily,she’d get her dad to buy her expensive food and drink (he’s a soft arse) and just leave it to go mouldy,she would eat her dinner in the bedroom and just dump the plates outside the door,she poured shampoo down the sink as it was ‘too cheap’ for her tastes,ditto the shower gel,she broke the family laptop and didn’t own up,she’d leave lights on/door unlocked,demanded we pay for her phone,she broke expensive headphones and just dumped them under her bed,she’d run up massive household bills and expect us to pay for them while smirking at the size of the leccy bill

She would ring her mum up,lie her head off about me and in turn mum would cause so much trouble for us based on her lies

Loads more but I’d be here all night-this was every bloody day

Anyway my son had come to visit me one day-bringing his rescue staffy (who is one big lump of softarse) and when she thought nobody was looking,she punched him

She’s very lucky that the dog didn’t go for her/my son didn’t rip her head off-massive row where she stood and lied that she hadn’t touched him-even though we’d both seen her do it

I told my partner that it was either her or me-I really couldn’t bear it anymore-we ended up at relate,it got that bad

I was a week from leaving and returning to my home town when she suddenly decided we where not buying her enough of what she wanted and was moving back to her mother-who she’d been pitting us against for about two years

That should have been the end of it but about 6 weeks after she’d gone back,I was meant to be at work

My shift had been cancelled so I was sat on my sofa when I heard my front door open

She had hung onto her keys (my partner had thought for some reason she’d left them and I just assumed he’d got them off her) and thinking I was out had come back to have a poke around my stuff and help herself

I saw red and slung her out (with much screaming and shouting from her about what a bitch I was and how dare I?)and called a locksmith to change the locks-I had thought I was going mad with my stuff disappearing-just odd stuff like hair bands,make up,socks and bras etc

Anyway about a week after she’d gone I noticed a really odd smell and couldn’t work out where it was coming from so I borrowed a mates dog and he went straight upstairs and was very interested in the side of her mattress

Turned out the scabby cow had been stuffing used sanitary towels in a small hole in the seam of the mattress-I pulled out 62 before I gave up and binned it (there was also a drawer full of them so it’s cost a fortune to replace all this stuff)

When asked why she answered ‘cos she kept telling me to get a job and I know I shouldn’t have to-I’m not getting my hands dirty-I’m too special’

She’s soon to be 19 and wants to go to uni-and honestly thinks we’re going to pay her way all the way through it

She has another think coming…

She wants to go to uni then she pays her own way

I can put hand on heart and say I’ve never met a more nastier,selfish,spiteful and horrid human being in my life-I’m not a bad person,but it drove me to the brink-it was like being in a room and the poison was slowly being pumped in

Put up a desperately upset relative in our box room when her marriage broke down, it was supposed to be temporary while she got herself sorted.

Turned out she’d left her husband and kids for someone else and after 3 days tried to move the new partner and their dog into our house. She told my DD’s that they should swap rooms, so I told her she needed to find somewhere else to live.

Apparently she told everyone we made her homeless and I’m a bitch...

I agreed to rent a flat with a mate because he couldnt afford a place of his own, I had just come out of a relationship and was living with my parents and I didnt need to move out, parents was happy with me back at home!

Everything was in my name because my mate couldnt pass the credit check!

I had just brought myself a knew car and I hadnt got rid of my old one, was worth around £800 and my mates car had been written off the road, so I said he could have the car, and when the tenancy came to an end he could give me £500 from his deposit to pay for it which he agreed to!

Well he never did give the money to me and to top it off, when I was sorting the final Bill's out, we owed £1000 for electric, yeah as you can guess, never got a penny from that!