To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

I've thought of another one! I shared a flat with someone at Uni who was vegetarian like me. I came back after a break having bought loads of pulses, flour, nuts etc in bulk from a health food shop to see me through the term. She suggested we eat together every night. Using all my food, without any suggestion of a contribution from her.

@KatherineParr4 I very much object to your connection of being left wing to cheeky fuckery!

I don't think that has anything to do with it!

This is quite painfully fresh. I was employed on an interim contact for marketing and pr (with 20 years experience) and was told I definitely had the permanent job when they got round to sorting it out at the beginning of the new financial year. In the meantime was helping the new grad intern a lot (and I mean a lot). They of course gave her the perm marketing job. After I left with my contract not being renewed she sent me around five pretty easy questions every day (how do I update a website page? etc) for two weeks (fool me!) until I told her I thought she had enough answers from me.

Graphista

Sorry if I caused offence. Of course it’s not being left wing per se I was commenting on. More that she doesn’t really live what she preaches, but that’s a whole other subject.

We were returfing our garden and ordered to much turf. I offered the excess to a friend as I knew she wanted to redo her garden. Her husband came and collected the turf which I'd left on the pallet outside. He didn't knock or call to say he'd taken it so I called to check that he'd picked it up, which he had. No thanks or anything. I later text my friend to see how it was going and she said that he'd laid it all and it was looking good. No photo of her entire returfed garden , word of thanks or even a couple of packet of sweets for my kids. I can't imagine ever being like this, so weird. Definitely a lesson learned for me.

@KatherineParr4 ok fair enough it just irks me when we lefties are attacked for unrelated things.

The CF I know are of all different party affiliations.

I really don't understand the lack of basic and FREE manners in the way of please and thank you, letting someone know you appreciate that they've gone above and beyond for you.

I'm in the process of shall I say dealing with a bureaucratic difficulty at the moment and I've been on the phone most of the day to various agencies and companies to get hold of records of information going back a few years. A somewhat unusual request and I've had to explain the back story.

All but 1 person has been incredibly helpful and they've got back to me super quickly considering what I was asking for and I've been conscientious in making sure that not only they heard my gratitude and thanks but that their bosses were made aware of their employees professional, kind and compassionate help with this matter - took me no more than 30 secs in each case, cost me nothing.

Absolutely no excuse for a quick thank you either verbally or by text or message. Especially these days when methods of communication are so quick, easy and FREE!!

I’ve done many a kind gesture that I’ve regretted, notably with a now ex friend who basically used me as a skivvy.

Every time I visited her, her husband and her other bestie there was always a ‘taxi driver’ task of sorts, notably for groceries or medical appointments for her or her dogs (due to severe MH issues she seldom did public transport). I seldom got petrol money for any of this especially as I came 1.5 hours to visit each time.
They pleaded poverty in spite of owning three dogs and two rabbits - and when one of their dogs needed surgery for his back legs she set up a GoFundMe page for it (this received a lot of backlash).
They had a lot of house parties, for which they expected the guests to do the catering (I always catered a lot for these parties).
When I got asked to be a bridesmaid for her wedding, the bridesmaid dress didn’t fit me and a refund couldn’t be sought so I bought my own dress and shoes; the deal was friend’s mum would reimburse me for the attire costs (at least £30) as she was initially paying for the costs but she never did. Additionally I didn’t get invited to go in the wedding car and help friend get ready with the other bridesmaid, instead I had to get myself and the other house guests ready, and ferry them to and from the venues. Again no petrol money given never mind offered.
The last nails in the coffin involved being repeatedly dragged into feuds between her and other friends (falling out and making up every five minutes) and being on the receiving end of being sprayed with water along with other guests at the house one night, to which I repeatedly objected but this was ignored.

Being a lot more careful about who I do favours for nowadays.

Just remembered another one. Being on the preschool committee! The chair woman was very lazy and I ended up doing all the work for fundraising. I’ve never volunteered for school fundraising since.

It staggers me how many people just ate incapable of basic manners. The turf story - slightly similar - I received a bespoke gift twice in error and the company said I could keep it - I offered it to a friend and paid postage etc - not one word of thanks uttered I was flabbergasted.

Every time, as it always goes unacknowledged. I still haven't learnt

A close friend of mine moved away for work. She had gone through a bad breakup and I had also had a hard time so we decided she should come and visit to take our mind of things.

She obviously had family she wanted to see when she came back but I though it would be nice to have a couple of day together to hang out as friends. She asked if she could stay with me for the full week as we had room in the flat I was sharing with a male friend from uni.

About a week before the trip my friend decided she wanted to instead stay with an elderly relative for the week, which I though was nice of them. Then they decided they 'really wanted to go out clubbing with me' at the weekend and would 'have' to stay with me that night because her relative didn't want them to come back at 2am drunk. I wan't a big clubber but I agreed as she had split from her bf and though she must have been looking forward to it.

Then she cancelled the day that I planned to spend with her because of 'family commitments'. Not a problem as I know she hadn't been home in a while.

To cut a long story short, the one night we met up she spent the whole time flirting with my flatmate. She shagged him that night and I never saw her for the rest of the visit.

What really hurt me is I found out later that for the rest of the week her and my flatmate were hooking up behind my back. They even spend part of the day I'd booked off work to spend with her together when I sat at home like a fool.

We drifted apart from both of them after that as the deceit annoyed me. I would have probably been fine if they told me what they were up to.

I always find no deed goes unpunished. Latest is my cousin has started an online shop. Im not very flush at the moment but bought something as I wanted to support her business. The following week she had free postage. Then reduced the the thing I bought 😩. I know that's just the chance you take but I wish I had waited and saved a few quid.

I regret greatly going to see if my neighbours' children were OK when I heard bangs, a scream and a smash. The parents were 2 of my best friends. Now the family have made my life a misery.
When I rushed round I saw the terrified daughter looking through the smashed front window and a car on the grass opposite their house. I took a photo of the car and the 2 males in the car chose to punish me by trying to kill me with the car. I am in pain constantly although livable and have PTSD. Changing gear is painful and I struggle to walk over 50ft in one go. My vertebrae don't line up properly and some nerves are trapped. I can't carry anything heavy. I have recurrent nightmares and scream or wet myself when a car comes towards me.
Initially the mother said I was like part of the family and offered any help I needed. No help materialised. They bought a few items of shopping and didn't let me pay. After 2weeks I was running out of food and couldn't get to the shops. I asked for help on Facebook. Immediately I received a nasty message from a mutual friend saying I was very nasty asking so publicly as people would talk about the attack and the mother was upset. The parents were also innocent victims of the attackers so why would that upset them?
For an entire year the daughters have followed me with groups of friends and said thing and done things to harass me. They have videoed me in my own garden and shouted things to and about me over the hedge. During lockdown it got worse. My friend moved in to form a household with me and they increased the harassment. At least 10 people reported them to the police for breaking lockdown early on, including going in others' cars, meeting up in groups, staying overnight with friends, etc. They felt all those reports were me. The harassment escalated. The father joined in by cutting down a tress so they they could cut through my land opposite my house, put a sign up in his car about brown marks on teeth (I smoke and drink tea and have slightly porous enamel). Someone let down my friend's tyre completely. We called the police and I had a note passed to me saying sorry only for sign but not the 11months of harassment, criminal damage or anything else.
I am seriously considering moving from the home I have loved because I went to help.
The moral is do not help. Call the emergency services but do not intervene to help.

All these are reasons I never lend anyone anything and I very very rarely ever do favours. I have done and quickly realized why not to.

That is absolutely shocking. Has he given a reason as to why he doesn’t feel any need to repay such a large sum?

@pigeon999

Oh my that's awful

When I was in the early years of secondary school, I lent a set of paintbrushes in a tin given to me by my Dad .. to another girl who asked for them.

I was "good at art" and the teacher praised me now and then.

I didn't open then for a while after she gave them back but when I finally opened them, the brush parts were all destoyed, hacked off.

At the time I was so naive it never entered my head that anyone would do that so I thought I'd done something wrong, not washed them out properly and they'd fallen off or something.

As I got older I realised; they'd been cut/hacked, not fallen out, it was clear.

Anyway; fuck you Lisa Hamilton, you were pathetic then and I bet you still are now.

Gilbert That's awful but it may not have been a deliberate act of sabotage - possibly the borrower forgot to clean them, having used them for something like varnish or oil which requires turps/white spirit rather than water. Even acrylics, although water based, are a pain to remove from paintbrushes when thoroughly dried in. Then she tried to cut out the dried up bits and rather than owning up that she'd spoilt them, handed them back hoping you wouldn't notice It's cowardly and unfair but possibly better than thinking someone did that maliciously through jealousy. (Unless she was the sort to do something maliciously through jealousy of course).

@Lightswitches

It's extremely unlikely.

They were all hacked off at the bottom of the brush bit.

Oh that's bad

That’s awful

Just remembered another one. We offered to take a friend of DC on holiday with us. Agreed that parents would pay for the flights but not accommodation because the price was the same anyway - sharing a room.
All booked and paid for.
Sent a few friendly reminders about the flight, timetable etc.
At the last minute the parents announced they had decided to go away elsewhere.
Never paid for the flight, we lost the money.
DC was very disappointed. Obviously the friendship ended.
They were very rich people.

Oh endoftheline someone I know had this from the other side, her daughter got asked to go on holiday with a friends family but she had to pay for her own flights to the US. My acquaintance was really put out because she didn’t understand why her daughter would be asked along but not paid for. They could certainly afford to pay for it, but seemed more concerned that if you make an invitation then the whole lot should be paid for. I didn’t agree with her at all, but she’s got strange ideas anyway so didn’t point out I thought it was perfectly reasonable.
I hope it wasn’t the same family, it wouldn’t surprise me if she did that, ducked out after everything was paid for, I know she said her daughter couldn’t go as they’d decided to do a big family trip.

@DisobedientHamster they're not :) and I've heard that the takeaway CFs DH still has long pockets and short arms

@Shepherdess5 - that is so awful. I don't understand why the family and daughters turned against you after you has taken pictures of the perpetrators that had done the damage and getting run down for your trouble. That's just unjustifiable.