To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

I'm not sure if this one qualifies but...
Having a NYE party. My village constantly has parties, people kept saying they had nothing to do on NYE and I felt it was 'our turn' and DH was up for it.
We had little money after Xmas and bought loads of booze/ food etc, spent a couple of days cleaning, had my DF staying as he'd just left his long term partner (which I was really shocked and saddened by) we borrowed psychedelic lights and a massive PA from a friend. Eventually my DH vanished and I found him in bed upstairs leaving me to 'host' alone, people were trying to change the music to trance (which I hate) no one seemed grateful or polite or dance, it was just awful and hated every minute of it.
Never. Again!

I remember being invited to a girls night with a group of new friends, I was really excited as I'd not been out for ages, I dressed up and went off the meet them in a local restaurant. I got there to find that it wasn't only girls night but kids night too , they had all brought their kids they all had at least 2 . I'd left my daughter at home with her dad thinking it was a grown up night out, I'd driven so wasn't drinking . the kids created chaos and at the end I was asked to split the bill.
I'd had water and a main course they had had starters,wine desserts and all the trimmings. My meal cost an absolute fortune. Never again

Quite a few years ago now “Friend” once asked me to order a laptop for her sons bday on my littlewoods account, I was v apprehensive but she offered £90 of the money up front when ordering it so I thought ok, laptop was £400. After it had arrived she very suddenly moved house 2hrs away, I gave her my bank details and asked her to pay at least the minimum payment each month, never had another penny off her, completely ignored my texts and letters and never heard from again. I ended up paying the remaining £310 as otherwise I would’ve ended up with debt collections etc even though I couldn’t really afford it. Expensive trusting mistake I will not make again.

Also ended up giving lifts to a friends daughters to school, for 18months as she didn’t drive at that point, at Christmas she gave me a small Xmas candle but there was never any offer to contribute to petrol or anything and they were not struggling with money.

Both instances were some years ago and I’d like to think nowadays I’m more aware and less of a mug.

@Pliudev Please don't doubt yourself. You made a kind and generous gesture, it wasn't appreciated - you are not the bad guy here.

That's not really a kind gesture though, you were just taken for a mug.

I had two neighbours who were piss takers, they both had health problems and I took them to some appointments once. They started asking for help with shopping and the final straw was theyvrang me one day after thye had been in town in the pub in the afternoon and got pissed off when I said no. If they can get themselves to the pub they can jolly well get themselves back again.

Every. Time.

Went away for a year, let the second bedroom in my flat at peppercorn rate to a friend and her bf. They sublet my bedroom to a friend, emptied out my wardrobe so they could use the space and her friend also stole some very special things of mine. That was naive of me.

Twenty years later, let someone stay in my late mothers holiday home for free for six months as didn't want to leave it uninhabited. Turned up on a November night with my sister and they had taken all the towels and bedding. Rural Wales. No way of replacing quickly.

Not exactly regretted... we had an oldish man come up to us once and said he had lost his wallet. My husband gave him £50 for train fare home and something to eat (he was out of area). He said he would send us a cheque, gave us his treasured military tie as a 'promise', which we were going to post back to him. But he never contacted us and the number he gave us was unobtainable. But I'd still rather make a mistake like that than a mistake that might have left a genuine person stuck.

Can never forget this. Friend's relative died suddenly, she was desperate ( yes you can see what's coming) and asked me for a loan of 500quid towards the funeral. I gave it to her. Needless to say never got it back, but was happy to help at a troubled time.

Fast forward and a couple of years ago get a frantic message about no money, bills to pay blah blah, could I loan her 600 quid to pay them.

I said yes, of course happy to help, send me the bill details and I will pay them for you.

Radio silence!

We see each other occasionally now in a group setting, but she will NEVER again tap me for money for her holidays, which is what the money was for really. And she knows it.

These people have skin like a rhinocerous. Have to be on guard against them!

As they say fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Yes , sent food and necessities to an instagrammed who complained of poverty and she then puts on her stories ' going for a spa day , anyone in ?'

My mum didn't actually do this 'kind deed' but a very posh client of hers (she used to do childminding when I was in my teens) ran a charity and wanted her to come in a few days a week after her childminding to help run the phone lines (the other women were volunteers too apparently). Mum had a laugh because he was paying himself the then princely sum of $170,000 and saying how much more he could make in the private sector but, sigh, he cared about the fate of the African wildlife so much more.

Of course, he was the one client of hers who was aghast at paying her fees and thought my mum should do it for the pleasure of spending time with his little one. My god he was a knob. His wife and child were lovely though.

@Saddlesore

This is small in the scale of things, but it really bugs me... when you hold a door open for a person (so it doesn’t slam in their face) and they then just waltz through with no acknowledgement - like you’re an unpaid doorman....

I hold doors open for anyone behind me - regardless of age, sex etc. It's good manners. I once held a door open for a young lady who promptly told me off for patronising her and being being a sexist. I was shocked into silence - wish I'd offered to slam it in front of her next time.

Yep. Took a single mum under my wing, helped her with childcare, there for her to talk to etc

She encouraged my husband to leave me, told him loads of lies, basically stalked us and then turned the waterworks claiming she's so depressed.

Not me but my mum, single parent & away on holiday in Tunisia. I made friends with a girl my age (7-8) & my mum with her parents too. Mum agreed my friend could have dinner with us & watch her for a few hours after so parents could go out just the 2 of them (was week 2 of our stay & me & friend had barely been apart). All great & agreed to meet at 1 of hotel bars later about 10.30. They did not turn up, was pre mobile days, waited 30 minutes & nothing, went to the other 3 bars no sign, back to the original bar still no sign. Tried room (was 3 doors from us) no answer & all lights off, checked all bars again. Had to leave a note at reception & msg on their room phone as is now 12.30 & we’re shattered. Also popped note under their door & mum took us back to our room. We’re fast asleep until they hammer on our door at 3.30am screaming at my mum because she wasn’t at the bar - that they had just come from. The husband was so aggressive, my mum, me, my friend & her mum all in tears. Husband fully expected my mum to have waited 5 hours after the agreed time & keep us kids up too. They all completely blanked us for the rest of the holiday & tried to get the rep to either move us to another hotel or upgrade them to the suites so their child wasn’t put at risk.

Sadly this is a well-used scam.

They didn’t get either btw.

Crystal* was fleeing a legitimate domestic violence situation with a very small baby, who had been hurt during the recent argument. Her sister, my best friend at the time, asked if I could harbour them as I wasn't known to him, or her social circle so no one would be able to guess where they were. (I had never met Crystal, but as she the identical twin of my best friend so expected them to be generally of the same ilk)

I agreed to let Crystal use my spare room on the basis that the abusive partner was never to know where I lived. The arrangement was for two weeks only as they had something else set up after that and i was due on holiday.

All agreed.

The sister turned up - set up all the baby stuff and told me she had to pop out to get some essentials was i OK to keep an eye on the sleeping baby? Sure i said....... she rolled in blind drunk at 3 am and vomited all over my couch and bathroom.

I put it down to stress and upset but no, the following days proved she was just straight up rude, entitled and objectionable. I should have realised when she refused to clean up the vomit as it 'would just make her sick again'

She stole money from me, borrowed clothes/shoes without asking disappeared numerous times knowing that 'I was in the house to keep an eye on the baby'' without checking it was ok. Ate all my food, told me she was broke and couldn't afford the rent on the new place that they had lined up so didn't leave after two weeks. Stayed for six weeks and was a absolute nightmare.

It also transpired that she had been bringing the abusive partner back while i was out at work and shagging him in my bed leaving some nasty residue behind "as it was a double" whereas the spare room "only had a single bed" said to me in a matter of fact tone.

In a drunken rage he smashed my living room windows after they had another argument. (Which she refused to pay for as I had wound him up by not letting him move in)

After they got back together she told him it had been my idea for her to leave and that i owed her money (she had given me £25 towards bills but in her mind it was a 'loan' to 'help' me pay the bills, not actually her paying towards the bills)

She turned up at my place of work with him in tow and caused such a ruckus i ended up giving her back the £25 quid.

When she left she also nicked my TV.

(and her sister defended her to the hilt so that was the end of that too)

I offered to look after my friends 3 kids for a few hours as she posted on facebook that she was ill. She said she would pick them up but was 2 hours late and let it slip that she had cleaned the house and then been for lunch and a bit of shopping.

Yes i have done this. With having my own 4 children i thought nothing of having an extra one for a few hours.. Until we got home. Oh my it was a nightmare it was the reason for years i will not let the children have a birthday party at home :/ Never again will i offer to have someone else's child....like many house was trashed shoes bags and coats left everywhere...for those few hours it was like my own children had forgotten how to behave and what the rules of the house were.

When I was expecting my first child, my sister who was a seamstress made me the most beautiful Moses basket with silk coverings.
A couple of months after my child had outgrown it, a cousin of my dh asked if she could borrow it for her baby as she couldn't afford one. I agreed on the condition that she looked after it and returned it when her child had outgrown it.
When she returned it, it was in such a disgusting mess that I had to throw it away. It was so heavily soiled that the stains were permanent and urine had soaked into the wicker of the basket, so it stank terrible.
I was devastated, particularly as I wanted to use it for future children and perhaps pass it on for potential grandchildren.
I've never lent anything to anyone since.

A few times !

I rember helping a so called Toxic emotionally needy fucked up Narc friend !

Ps I lent her some money for her upcoming daughters birthday ,
I had only 10 pounds given back to me ,(I did not have the full amount of 40 pounds aswell.

She also slept with my partner at that time, and caused a heap of trouble, when I asked for the money back,she said she did not owe me anything !
Plus when I fell out with her,she ganged up with my toxic emotionally abusive partner to make out that I was a jealous ex of his harassing her, she even got in contact with a Scottish police woman to engineer,to make it look like this,
when it was obvious the reason why I was Royally pissed off with them texting them a lot,was cause she slept(had sex with my then partner.
obviously ex -partner now.!
and she even when she saw me in town in pain struggling to walk quite a bit with Rumertoid Athritis,she even laughed/mocking me cause of this and even encouraged her teenager daughter to stick her two fingers sign at me,cause I do not have anything to do with her,
I have no wish to be her friend and she does not like this, as she enjoyed being one of life users and I had stopped allowing myself to being taking advantage off !

I wised up !
ps I used to have a good friend who was a member of the Mormon church community,
Cause I lived nearby her family,and she had a granddaughter/son, similar ages to my daughter,
I would invite them over to celebrate my daughters birthdays,
the thing is even though, granddaughter lived directly across the road from us,
when my daughter wanted to come over to play with her,
granddaughter would allways make some kind of excuse or other not to play with my daughter,
I think sensed that it was just that my daughter is extrovert and she very introverted.

I made the mistake thinking cause I was good friends with her gran, that it be a nice to have her over to play with my daughter,
it didn't quite work out like that.

I was walking at dusk in a somewhat rough area and passed a woman who was shuffling a bit. She said something to me as I passed but it was hard to understand. After a bit of back and forth, I thought she was saying, "Will you walk with me?" She did look and seem quite vulnerable. I thought she was frightened to walk alone so I said yes and fell into step beside her. We walked in silence for about a minute and then she suddenly started screaming and yelling at me to go away, stop bothering her, you get the drift. People started staring. Obviously I picked up the pace and left her without a word but I could still hear her screaming and name calling when I was inside the building I was going to.

It clearly wasn't her fault, she obviously had some sort of health issue, but I won't try to accompany people any more unless I can very clearly hear the request.

Another time I lent actiquance a children story book by Rolad Dhal,

I did her a favour by getting her baby formula milk from baby and mother's clinic,as we were living together in a mother and baby home in Cardiff ,many moons ago,
as she had family visitors coming to see her,

I did this favour for her,
the thing is she expected me to do this favour for her again,even when she did not have any visters coming to see her !

Also when I had the children's story book back it was not in exactly same condition as it was before like pristine new condition,
And oh I nearly forgert to say when I asked her in our communal lounge if I could have a quick look at her one of those women's mags after she finishing reading it,
she made a fuss about it, that I had Audacity to aske her in the first place !

I also used to attend a local community centre and they had a community garden there and they wanted to give away surplus plants away,so I knew a friend of mine is into gardening plus I have pet cats so worried they could take a nibble of them an poison themselves accidently ,
so I decided to give my friend one of these house plants aswell as another friend too,
and my friend told me ,when I said what colour the house plant I gave to other friend,
she said she prefer it ,if she had the same colour houseplant as my friend !

Cheeky fucker !

I lent someone a lap top when their own was being repaired.

She fell out with me.

She called the police saying I'd used her email account to send 2 embarrassing emails from the laptop when I got it back. She'd actually saved all her passwords so when I tried to log into my email hers opened, up, I logged out was a bit miffed but put it down to her being elderly.

At the time the emails were supposedly sent the lap top was on its way to Australia vie North America, I was in South America.

The police came out, arrested me, searched my house, confiscated my PC (including the monitor, mouse and printer!).

The police 'offered' me a caution if I admitted it, totally ignoring my passport stamps. When I refused they threatened to confiscate all my employers computers (an FE college).

She then phoned my employer and told them I'd been arrested and told them to sack me.

I was at a car park, I noticed a middle aged lady with her granddaughter, who was having a huge tantrum.
I went over to try and help. The lady was quite frantic and explained her granddaughter had wet herself and been sick in the car. I helped to clean her up with wet wipes but the little girl was upset because her clothes were wet and soiled.
I happened to be on the way to the charity shop so offered some jogging bottoms and a boy’s top. The little girl cheered up immediately and the grandma was pleased.
At that moment the child’s mother suddenly appeared. She tore me off a strip for getting involved. Threw the clothes back at me . Dragged her now crying child away, and lambasted her mother for engaging with a stranger who was probably a sex offender.
I’m a mid forties professional woman so I don’t exactly fit the profile - but then again you never know.
I think next time I’ll mind my own business.