To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

This happened over a decade ago but still irks me. Went to a work Christmas party and a colleague asked me to switch the assigned seats so she could sit next to someone she fancied, which I did. During the speech they announced each seat had a scratch card taped underneath, she won £100, which if I hadn’t switched seats I would’ve won, she promised to give me half and then never did.

@ilovepixie

Be like Phoebe in friends and say I wish I could help but I don't want to sorry lol

I love this! Lol

Helped out an elderly neighbour with the occasional meal and took him out now and again once he had been forced to give up driving. Got blasted by his family and accused of spending his money. Totally untrue, it was none of my business how he spent his money. I had to cease contact after a while for my own state of mind.

Be like Phoebe in friends and say I wish I could help but I don't want to sorry lol

Loooool this is excellent

I mentored someone who had an unusual background and not much family support for a number of years . Was her manager for a while. Perform right wasn't brilliant but OK, I offered to help her, was also offered a promotion if she applied (again offered to help her through process). She refused to apply and said she should just be put into a higher role. Went off sick, made complaints about everyone and tried to bring a claim. I've not mentored anyone since, it's just not worth it.

Just had another one. Went to put rubbish out earlier and noticed that a car owned by neighbours a few doors away has its lights on. Took a look a few minutes ago and they were still on. Just went along and rang their bell, which was answered by the woman who lives there, in her 50s. Indicated the car with its lights on and she turned away from me and yelled to her son 'Richard, your car lights are on' and then shut the front door on me. No thank you, not a word of acknowledgement. Every day I feel more and more like an alien.

Helped a lady who had crashed into a parked car on an icy day. Calmed her down on school run. Returned later to discover her “details” removed from car she had damaged.

Friend said her kids only ever had a tiny tabletop Christmas tree. I gave her one from the loft as her kids adored our tree. She then spent over £60 on decorations and another £30 on a special light up piece the husband wanted. I often wonder why they just never got the kids a normal tree. Although recently the husband has a brand new fancy car whilst his poor son wears his big sisters hand me down clothes. They also always have long haul holidays but the children have never had a holiday. I really can't figure it all out.

Yes and we don't help anymore - we have chosen two charities and focus on that. Been stabbed in the back to many times to think about.

Yes, mentored and supported a young work colleague. Became friendly outside of work with her and her partner. Lent him money to purchase her an engagement ring and went out of my way to help him save his career when a serious allegation was made against him. Thought we were good friends until she then plotted with another work colleague to make my work life hell. It got to the point where I hated going into work. I ended up with significant anxiety and ended up leaving and she got promoted to my job. Never heard from either of them since. I had the last laugh as I got a new job with better pay and prospects which I absolutely love. Still hurts at what I gave to that friendship though!

We have a reality ‘celebrity’ living a few doors up. She snapped her key in the lock. My dh offered to fix it for her. He ordered the part, picked it up and went to her house and fitted it right away all he wanted was the £30 for the part that was agreed before he went. He was chasing that £30 quid for a week. She can sod of CF no more mr nice guy

Another one: a neighbour living across the road had the start of dementia and once, in the middle of the night, I was woken up by a fire engine driving up the road and stopping outside her house. After a while, I realised it must have been a false alarm. The next day, her daughter was at the old lady's house so I thought I'd better mention what had happened. Old lady at first denied having called the fire brigade and then suddenly "remembered" she had in fact rung them. The daughter told her off and ignored me totally. Not one word of thanks. Still, you reap what you sow and all that. The old lady died and the house has been on the market without any interest in it at all as the greedy family are asking more money than it's really worth.

Elderly man in my book club. (80) Lives alone and I rang him a couple of times a week at beginning of lockdown to check in on him. Took him a few newspapers and had regular phonechats. He has phoned me and left voicemails that I feel are inappropriate about how pretty I looked ( I didn’t.) He liked my hair tied back but likes it too, sweeping my face. My frame is small and petite (14/16!). I am quite busy with different things going on which I agree must be quite interesting to listen to as he doesn’t go anywhere at present. He will be waiting for me to call this week but I don’t want to. I am thinking about leaving the book club when it starts up again. He’s creepy and it makes me uneasy about how to respond and stop contact. Any advice gratefully received.

When I was pregnant with DS2 a colleague was saying how she was desperate to move into my team (was in a different team doing a different role) I trained her, gave lots of advice and when I was on mat leave a new role was created in my team doing the same work as me which she got and I was really pleased about. Since being back she speaks to me as if she is my boss when in meeting with agencies, has tried to take a project from me that was my idea telling my boss that I was struggling as I have two kids, so she would do it. Has taken credit for my work, asking out she did most of it. Unfortunately she is good friends with my boss and always makes out it's a misunderstanding.

Most of these, honestly are sort of brought on oneself. Not all obviously
But months of helping someone
Weeks of doing things
Years !

Never give anything and expect it back. It’s a really simple rule. So never give anything you treasure

And sure as fuck never give someone a job when you’re pregnant
They will fuck you over
Oh and never employ someone who wants your job. It’s pretty easy to tell.

Oh another one.
I had a new friend I was just getting to know her we went out for a light lunch scone and latte. Went to pay and she said ‘il get these’£13 odd it was!!! she said you can get lunch next time I thought oh well ok (don’t normally do that)

2nd meeting for lunch comes along she orders salmon cakes expensive pop latte etc etc. I was thinking in my head I hope she doesn’t expect me to get these the bill came it was over £56 for a bloody weekday lunch. Conveniently she had to make a phone call she nipped off and said your getting the bill arnt you hun!!! I paid but I was livid. I never made arrangements to see her again.

[quote Ellisandra]@Paperthin I’m in a support group offering shopping (nowhere near your dad!)
Almost all the people I’m shopped for have family members who could do it - but the person (older age) wants to be independent and not bother them! They see “using” a volunteer as more independent. I had a weird conversation when I rang one lady (she’d given her number to a co-ordinator, to be passed on to me as nearest volunteer) - the phone was answered by her own daughter, who’d popped in to shop.
I don’t volunteer because I have nothing better to do - but to help those in actual need![/quote]
I also joined a community group to help during lockdown and while I wouldn't say I regret it I've found the same thing and I do find it annoying. I picked up a prescription for someone the other day - not a huge deal but she then said 'my daughter is coming around tomorrow but I don't like to bother her to do this for me - she works'. I work! I had assumed beforehand that everyone who contacted the group would have no other option and that has not turned out to be the case at all and I do find it surprising that they wouldn't bother their own children but ask strangers instead - I think they must genuinely think the volunteers just love buying other people's shopping and picking up their medicine.

My (ex) friend was a freeloader.
One day she said she couldn't afford to buy food. She had three young kids, and I felt sorry for her, so I gave her £40 to get food.
Later, checked facebook, she had the audacity to post about her shopping spree in Primark (for herself!)
Cut off the friendship, didn't even bother to tell her why.

@Flyingagainstreason

And sure as fuck never give someone a job when you’re pregnant They will fuck you over Oh and never employ someone who wants your job. It’s pretty easy to tell.

She seemed so lovely but is utterly ruthless. Had a sob story about how unhappy she was and her team role was dwindling so she was worried about her job security and she had been looking else where but couldn't find anything. She knew that I trained other offices and had written training materials.

@123fushia gosh that sounds really creepy! I’m not surprised you don’t want to go back to the book club. I hope someone gives you better advice than I can, if I was you I would just ignore him, don’t stop going to book club if you really enjoyed it

I looked after a ‘friends’ children after school for a month because she was struggling. A year later I told them I couldn’t any more. They ate tonnes and were really fussy.
She gave me a bunch of garage flowers and a tiny box of chocolates. It turned out one of them was bullying my son at school. I was an absolute fool.

I was on holiday in Dominican Republic I was 14 this American couple that we met asked if I would watch there two kids that night while they went for meal etc kids age 5 and 2 I git the kids to sleep tidied up there shockingly messy room then lay in the bed bored. They git back after 12 started arguing I felt very uncomfortable I left no thanks no gesture absolute 0 respect for me.

As an adult with children myself why would you ask a 14 year old that you had only met that day watch your kids on holiday??? Crazy

Oh the support group thing... I’m worried people think this of me with my parents. We live near. I call all the time and constantly offer help/ organise prescriptions/ food deliveries etc but they still get neighbours to go do things for them when I only live 5 mins away! And when I ask why didn’t they ask me, they say they didn’t want to disturb me as I’m so busy! Drives me round the twist; I’m here to help. My name is probably mud but there’s not much I can do about it.

I did a summer working as a waitress in Malta.
A family used to come into the restaurant every evening. I heard it was their little girls bday the following evening and they said they were coming. I bought her a bday card and decorated the table and put helium balloons on her chair. The chef even made