To ask whether you’ve ever regretted a kind gesture?

[Rainbowb]

I offered to pick up a friend’s daughter after school three times a week when she got a new job. I then discovered the child liked to jump on furniture, trash bedrooms and eat me out of house and home! Was two terms before I had the guts to pull the plug on it! Was wondering if any of you guys had ever tried to do something kind and wish you hadn’t bothered?!

Offered to look after the neighbours two cats for a fortnight whilst they were on holiday. They treated the cats appallingly. They left the cheapest brand Sainsbury cat food for them and told me firmly they were only to have half a tin a day once a day. The cats were rake thin and locked outside all the time. I fed them religiously and stuck to instructions despite feeling very sorry for them. Never got a word of thanks so didn't offer to do it again.

That was long, sorry, but the relief to get that out feels good!

You know that little lad will probably remember you all his life @TeapotCollection* ?

Especially with a mother like that. So although I can totally see how your experience was intensely annoying, I wouldn't call it a write off.*

Yes, my thoughts too.

@Solomi

Lent a book that my boyfriend had got me to a work friend..the book was the first present he'd bought me and was literally the most thoughtful thing anyone had ever got me. This friend was like a neat freak, she always looked polished and everything on her desk was always perfect. The book came back all ripped up and with a thousand creases...the look on my face must have said it all..she laughed and said I'm not that careful with other peoples things sorry

This would have made me utterly murderous! The cheek of the bitch!

I spent the first 40 years of my life being a, 'giver', basically being taken advantage of - from doing all the rubbish shifts at work, changing my plans last minute thinking someone else was really stuck then finding out later they just wanted to stay in watching TV-to looking after other parents children (why does everyone presume a SAHM has nothing better to do than babysit your kids every day, taking them to all their clubs, whilst you earn money and we budget on a lower income) - and generally being walked all over. Now in my mid 40s I'm trying so hard to start saying 'no' to requests that are quite frankly taking the mickey.

PP's are right, there are givers in this world and then there are the entitled who wouldn't give a glance in your direction otherwise but expect you to fall over yourself running around after them.

Lockdown has been the final straw.. Messages from neighbours who are 'shielding' so could you just pop to the local bakery to get that artisan bread on the way to pick up their prescription then an hour later they really, really NEED mushrooms with their dinner tonight so could you just pop out again and queue for half an hr at the greengrocers so they don't have to change their dinner plans.. And then pop out to friends for bbqs/meet up with their large walking group /complain to me how utterly selfish strangers are not diving into the road to get out of their way when they are walking to the garden centre
No more.. No more

Thanks @Ellisandra

Agree that must be frustrating - sadly I am 3 hours away from my dad so I can’t shop for him. The online ordering was set up for him to do weekly ( he’s quite internet savvy) but yes, he would rather ask the ‘ real person’. The neighbour is someone I don’t know , and is very kind to do it ( my dad is also appreciative)

@2DayW0rk2m0rrw

Friend moved long distance away, I offered a lot of support when they were homesick

They moved back

I suggested meeting for coffee several times, so that we could meet face to face

Lots of excuses received

I have since moved a long distance away

Just curious. Why wait until you go back to the office?

I also echo strongly the experience of "being valued as a volunteer" aka being taken for a massive ride, and it neither improving your chances of a paid job with that organisation or any other

Sorry wrong quote 🙄 that was meant for @StCharlotte

Wasn't so much a gesture as several months of support. Friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and whisked in for an emergency op. I spent the evening before the op with her, although I was moving house the next day, because she was understandably stressed. The day following her op I visited her, and every day until she went home.

Couple of months later I get a phone message: she's in hospital again, for a different emergency procedure. Definitely not her year. So, I spent the first sunny weekend of the year sitting chatting to her in hospital for three days. She had loads of posh supposed friends, but not one of them turned up. Just not-very-posh me.

A month after that I went round to see her and she said 'Oh, I've been making jam all weekend to give to people as a thank you for helping out when I was ill.'

'That's nice,' I said. 'Is there one for me?'

'I'm afraid I've given it all away already.'

Invited a lonely woman into a couple of my social groups and she tried to snaffle my DH.

I moved tables to allow a big group to all sit together (my table was in the middle of the best place to push several together). They were so rude and gave me dirty looks. I wish I'd stayed where I was!

@whatisheupto - it would have been funny 😂 if it was you ! I can’t do my dad’s shop as I am about 3 hrs away, hence the set up of online! I think they are kind neighbours but I do think that it’s twice the work and everyone has got lots to do. I am also worried that if we have another second wave lockdown the neighbour will not be so amenable which means my dad won’t have the volunteer help when he might need it.

I learnt my lesson the hard way. My first degree is in photography and I have taken the wedding photos of no less than 10 friends of mine or their children's weddings. I got a photo frame, a bunch of flowers, nothing, a framed photo of their daughter (that I took ) , nothing, a crappy necklace that went green, nothing, nothing, a £10 voucher for M&S and the last one I thought finally, they recognise the amount of effort, a free nights stay in the country hotel where they got married. Later found out they got that for their wedding...free.

So a full days wedding shoot with bride getting ready pics, ceremony, couple photos, group shots, speeches, cake cutting, night do photos and reportage shots and hours and hours of Photoshop.

I had to announce on FB that I was no longer doing wedding photography as a favour to people as I work FT and was a single mother of three because people saw the photos I took and asked me to do it! I've just unfriended a bunch of them too for being racist about the BLM protests. Felt like pulling copyright on them and saying I don't let fascists publish my images but let it go.

A close friend couldn't afford to come on my hen do. I really wanted her to come, so myself and another friend split the cost of her place, she said she would pay us back. She obvs never did. I have subsequently paid to attend her hen do / expensive wedding. I was younger and more foolish then, I wouldn't bother if it happened now.

"sonjadog

Many times, but a couple that stick in my mind:

I used to own one half of a double garage, the other half belonging to a woman in her late seventies. I live in a place where there is a lot of snow, and I used to have to shovel it out of the way of the garage door for months of the year. I used to do my neighbour´s garage door while I was at it, as shoveling snow is heavy work. Never said anything and no thanks or comment was ever given. Until one day I was off work sick and she came to my door angry that I hadn't shoveled the snow that morning."
What did you say to that?

@Fanthorpe Nail on the head there. I was brought up by my mother to put my brother and my father first. To this day I never feel guilty about buying an expensive present for someone else, but it took me years to buy something expensive for myself without feeling guilty.

I think certain types of people come into our lives to teach us a lesson.

How do you mean?

Complex that’s just awful, that’s an incredible amount of time and work to give away. I hope you’re valuing yourself more now.

stealth nothing at all, just gently close the door in her stupid face. But I know where I’d be shovelling all the snow on the next occasion.

Started a new job, got friendly with woman I worked with. She phoned me only of the blue one night saying she’d left her partner and had nowhere to go- I told her to come to us.

DH and I put her up for 2 months, fed her, gave her lifts to work, helped her find a flat, rented a van and physically helped her move. Lots of emotional support during the whole time- lots of tears, helping her with countless practical things she didn’t have a clue about.

I fell pregnant shortly afterwards and was very unwell. Barely heard from her. She then screwed me over massively at work when I was on maternity- actual bullying to the point of me harming myself. I’ve never felt so lost or alone. It was completely senseless, and the one time I called her on it she admitted she had no reason whatsoever to be so unkind to me and she didn’t know why she was doing it. She then invited us to her wedding (felt we had to go to show willing) and sat us right at the back, on a table with lots of other people she’d previously slagged off to me- clearly the ‘reject table’. Felt like the final kick in the teeth to be honest.

I’ve escaped the job and have since found out she’s pregnant. I sincerely hope that she has better friends now than she was to me!

A few years ago a friend went into labour in the middle of the night and asked me to go over and look after her children so her husband could take her to hospital. I ended up looking after the children for 2 full days and nights- she said she wasn't well and needed to stay in, couldn't cope without her husband there due to anxiety.
When they finally arrived home they didn't offer to show me the baby and told me I could "go now" when I asked for the money I'd had to spend to top up their electric meter.

Later found out her partner hadn't even been staying with her at the hospital, he'd been at his friends having a jolly old time whilst I suffered their horrible, rude children!

Never spoke to the bitch again.

@Hoggleludo

Oh gosh. Way way too many times

People are ALWAYS taking advantage of my kind nature. Only to be shit on from a great height every time. My husband says I trust too much. This is too true.

Now lockdowns happened. I've no friends who check on me

Not one. I could be dead for all they know.

That’s very sad to hear. I hope that you will soon be able to find friends who will genuinely treat you as a friend. Maybe be a bit more cautious with your generosity of spirit. You sound like a lovely person. ( sorry.. tried but failed to send the bunch of flowers emoji.)

Yes ...i bought another student on my placement a bottle of wine to be nice...ahe was really mean to me on the next placement. Some people really do see kindness as weakness.