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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about him taking down photos of us

112 replies

LolaRose789 · 28/06/2020 12:06

AIBU to be upset over this. Am I just being stupidly sensitive?

In our living room we have two photo frame sets made up of 6 photos of me and partner. Us together and with our dog.

Last night he said he wanted to take these photos down and replace them with photos of friends because he thinks why do we need photos of ourselves up together when we see eachother all the time. He said it makes more sense to have photos up of people you don't see.

I know I am probably being silly but this hurt my feelings. They are lovely photos of us that we picked out together, printed off and hung up together. I love looking at them and the happy memories they bring. I'm more than happy for him to put up photos of his friends, but him wanting to replace our photos together to do that just upset me. Why not just buy more frames?

I know it sounds silly but I just felt hurt like I was being pushed aside for photos of friends and that having our photos up just doesnt mean much to him. I told him I felt a bit hurt and that I like having our photos up and I would rather him buy more frames.

He got annoyed and said having frames everywhere will look silly and can't believe I am offended over photos

OP posts:
Pinkblueberry · 28/06/2020 14:59

YANBU. You’re partner is being really weird. And if I went to a friend’s house who are a couple and they had pictures of me mounted in their living room instead of pictures of them together I’d be massively creeped out.

ButteryPuffin · 28/06/2020 15:02

Which friends? Lad friends, mutual friends, girls he knows?

I would say something about how you could change things up and move them round and include some new ones. Make it his job to get the new frames and print off the new pics. I agree with the pp who said he's unlikely to ever get round to this himself.

MrsNoah2020 · 28/06/2020 15:06

@SurreyHillsGirl

It IS quite naff to have pictures of yourself on display though

Oh I must take my beautiful wedding photos down then. I would have to be thought of as naff by some random on MN Grin

LOL it's definitely not naff. Posh people always have tons of silver-framed photos of themselves being posh Smile

Now, poster-sized photos of your DC, especially those Venture ones which are supposedly quirky but are all the same, those are naff in the extreme. But, if you like them, who cares?

Jux · 28/06/2020 15:07

Ignore it. If you don't mention it again then he's as likely to forget about it as anything. Wait and see if he says or does anything about it. You don't want to do it so don't.

If he does mention it again then offer a compromise, and get him to do it all himself (he'll probably never get around to it, and you really really don't need to do it for him do you?).

monkeymonkey2010 · 28/06/2020 15:08

Well we had an argument yesterday morning and he told me that he was "getting sick of me"
And now he takes down your photos......i think he wants you to get fed up with his shitty treatment of you and end it.
he doesn't want to end things and look like the 'bad guy'.

do you only have 6 friends between you?
i wonder how creeped out your friends will feel when they see only their photos in your home?
i wonder how the others who don't make the photo-cut will feel?

He got annoyed and said having frames everywhere will look silly and can't believe I am offended over photos
He's trying to gaslight and manipulate you - it's NOT about the photos - it's about him deliberately starting to phase out/break down your relationship and being deceptive and passive aggressive about it.

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2020 15:09

Wtf if my husband suddenly wanted to take down our wedding photos or whatever I would be extremely upset and pissed off.

MrsGrindah · 28/06/2020 15:10

I once viewed a house owned by a single bloke and he had a photo of himself...by his bed! That was creepy!

Carouselfish · 28/06/2020 15:16

My rule is personal pictures upstairs, art pictures downstairs. Because I would find it odd having to look at/ making visitors look at pictures of me all day. That said, he was happy with the pictures before, even helped pick them out, so what's changed? That would be what would upset me.

xmummy2princesx · 28/06/2020 15:25

I’d be annoyed

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2020 15:31

@MrsGrindah

Omg lol!!!!

Josette77 · 28/06/2020 15:40

I have pictures of my dh, ds, best friends, grandparents. I even have our best friends wedding photo up with ours. Dh was their best man, and best friend was ours. He has since passed away. When he died unexpectedly at 30 I realized I loved that his wife always had family photos and pics of us and others in her home. I started to do the same. Our friends are our family and I love seeing them in our home. It makes us happy. I used to be very snobby about family pics and now I can't imagine not having them. My best friend and I both have nice taste and I love that we have pics of each other up. We even have some of the same ones framed from wedding and get togethers.

MrsGrindah · 28/06/2020 15:43

@crispysausagerolls I know! He also had photos on the walls in the hall of him weightlifting . Not in a competition..just in the garden! We didn’t buy the house!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 28/06/2020 15:53

We don't have any photos of ourselves or our kids - up on walls or anywhere. I personally wouldn't want them up, it would be unnerving but I don't have an opinion on what other people do.

OP... I think there is somebody in that group of friends whom your husband would like to look at. He can hide that in plain sight, in a group of friends. Pay attention certainly.

Neither of you should be telling the other what you can and can't have - not him, not you. The fact that you can't compromise needs both of your focus to resolve.

His comment is very telling though. People just don't say that to the person they love and that bell can't be un-rung.

Socialdistancegintonic · 28/06/2020 16:04

If it has just come after an argument where he said he was sick of you, then that is quite a blow.

I have always felt a bit jealous of other couples of have photos up of each other in their homes. I think it is a sign of unity and togetherness. So on the whole quite a good sign.

I’m separating from DP and he never wanted photos of us together, he never even liked them up on social media. Because he didn’t want to present us as a couple. Bit heartbreaking from me but there you go. These things are significant so I would pay attention. Get some good boosting support for yourself. If I were you I’d be a bit vulnerable, tell him that you see those photos of you both as very reassuring, it shows you are a team etc and that you’d feel very sad not to have them up. Watch and listen to what he says.

Coyoacan · 28/06/2020 16:09

Only on MN -
OP - DP wants to change the photos on display.
Replies - He's shagging/wants to shag someone else

Indeed

Eckhart · 28/06/2020 16:10

If he can't believe you're getting offended, then he clearly doesn't think it's a big deal. So he won't mind either way particularly, right?

He can't only think it's important to have things his way, and for your way to be silly. Can he?

I think this is indicative of a bigger issue.

There's no such thing as 'oversensitive'. There's no rules about how sensitive we're allowed to be. You are the judge of whether you're being too sensitive. Respect your feelings; he doesn't.

Whoopsies · 28/06/2020 16:10

Me and my dh are extremely happily married, honestly we have a great relationship. I can tell you he could not care less about having photos of us up in the house. We don't have any. To be honest I feel a bit like your husband, we see each other all the time, I don't really need photos of us around! We don't even have any wedding photos up!!

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2020 16:16

@MrsGrindah

LOL! Was he handsome?

@Coyoacan

I don’t know - my mother did a fair amount of online dating and ended up accidentally dating a few married men. The houses would have been devoid of couple photos etc. I don’t think it’s that inconceivable that there’s a suspicious reason behind it all

FilledSoda · 28/06/2020 16:16

The friends will be totally weirded out when they see photos of themselves in your house but I'd be much more concerned about the ' sick of you ' comment . That didn't come from nowhere , he's been thinking that.

crispysausagerolls · 28/06/2020 16:17

@Whoopsies

Difference between neither of you being bothered and not having them, and having them up for years and one of you suddenly demanding they be removed!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 28/06/2020 16:26

Yes, crispysausagerolls and instead of being concerned that he'd upset the OP, he defended his position. Having no photos up of yourselves isn't a big deal but, wanting to take them down to replace them with other people is quite unkind knowing that the OP is sentimental about those photos of them both.

roxfox · 28/06/2020 16:34

@Ifailed

Will it just be Jennifer, Courteney and Lisa - all the full cast?
😂
Fifthtimelucky · 28/06/2020 16:37

The 'sick of you' is obviously not good, but by itself I don't think the photos would have been much of an issue. I have some sympathy with the idea that it's better to have photos of people you don't normally see.

My husband and I have been married for over 25 years and there is only one photo of just the two of us on display in the house. Most are of the children, or us with our children, or us with bigger family groups/friends, or other family members or groups without us.

I'm trying to remember what it was like nearer the beginning of our relationship, and in particular before we had children. I can't really, but I think the first photo we ever displayed of the two of us together was a wedding photo. We sent photos of the two of us to his parents and mine, but didn't display them ourselves.

MrsGrindah · 28/06/2020 16:42

@crispysausagerolls Well he thought he was! Or his Mum had told him he was. I still shudder

unlikelytobe · 28/06/2020 17:33

My former GP had a big photo canvas of his wife up on his surgery wall. Quite off putting - she was a dead ringer for Maggie Thatcher. I expect there were several at his home too, LOL!