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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about him taking down photos of us

112 replies

LolaRose789 · 28/06/2020 12:06

AIBU to be upset over this. Am I just being stupidly sensitive?

In our living room we have two photo frame sets made up of 6 photos of me and partner. Us together and with our dog.

Last night he said he wanted to take these photos down and replace them with photos of friends because he thinks why do we need photos of ourselves up together when we see eachother all the time. He said it makes more sense to have photos up of people you don't see.

I know I am probably being silly but this hurt my feelings. They are lovely photos of us that we picked out together, printed off and hung up together. I love looking at them and the happy memories they bring. I'm more than happy for him to put up photos of his friends, but him wanting to replace our photos together to do that just upset me. Why not just buy more frames?

I know it sounds silly but I just felt hurt like I was being pushed aside for photos of friends and that having our photos up just doesnt mean much to him. I told him I felt a bit hurt and that I like having our photos up and I would rather him buy more frames.

He got annoyed and said having frames everywhere will look silly and can't believe I am offended over photos

OP posts:
EverdeRose · 28/06/2020 12:39

@LolaRose789
Having read your update I would be expecting the worse, and thinking of getting out of there.

I was once told by a much wiser and older friend that men never leave unless they think they'll have someone else to go to.

PanamaPattie · 28/06/2020 12:43

Yep. He’s making plans. When he has the OW around they won’t want to see pictures of you two being happy together.

dooratheexplorer · 28/06/2020 12:44

Yes, I would be upset too. If he wanted to add to the photos that would be a different matter.

The getting sick of you comment is concerning. Is there anything else he has said/done to concern you or upset you?

I would be watching him and listening to him very carefully if it was me. People have a tendency to tell you who they are and what they really. You just need to pay attention.

dooratheexplorer · 28/06/2020 12:46

Have you both been at home during lockdown. One of the consequences seems to be that people are reassessing their lot and making plans to live their lives differently.

FortunesFave · 28/06/2020 12:46

Having pictures of friends isn't weird. OP...you seem to feel threatened because the photos of you both together are symbolic to you...they were a sign that you're a couple and committed to one another...and a very visible sign.

Him wanting to remove them IS significant.

I'd be having a proper discussion with him about things. Are you married?

Morgan12 · 28/06/2020 12:48

Are there pictures of you both anywhere else in the house?

Would he have the time or opportunity to have another woman round?

Is this maybe being blown out of proportion?

Ponoka7 · 28/06/2020 12:49

If it isn't a reaction to lock down and not socialising, then something else is going on.

In the absence of people, I've got more into the classic soaps. I could see his point. It needs exploring more.

Ponoka7 · 28/06/2020 12:50

Jost to add, I think there's a lot of people who are sick of family members at the moment.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 28/06/2020 12:51

Reframe one of you and put it above the bed. With super strong adhesive..

Viragoesque · 28/06/2020 12:52

I couldn't live with photos of us around. We've just been renting a house from overseas acquaintances we hadn't seen in decades, and the entire (very large) house is plastered with expensively-framed and enlarged photographs of them and their children, from those posed studio ones where everyone is wearing a white shirt and frolicking to childhood snaps and 'graduations' from preschool, on every wall and surface.

excuseforfights · 28/06/2020 12:52

Op I think he’s trying to control you.

STBEXH has chosen nearly all 20+ frames/canvasses fur our house. I’ve picked 2. Anything I choose is ugly or firebrand go or the frame is the wrong colour 🙄

He’s a controlling arse and I’m leaving him.

excuseforfights · 28/06/2020 12:53

*doesn’t go (not firebrand)

BabyLlamaZen · 28/06/2020 12:53

That's a bit odd! We definitely dont have photos of our friends up in our house. Would be a bit weird to look at every day Confused

I agree a compromise is needed.

longtompot · 28/06/2020 12:54

We only have one photo of us in our living room, it's of when we got married. I am planning on doing a photo wall in our hallway and landing which will be of family and friends.

Pelleas · 28/06/2020 12:55

We don't have photos on the wall but we have framed wedding pictures and a picture of us with our late dog out on the living room bookcases - I'd feel hurt if my husband wanted to take them down. YANBU. I wouldn't want photos of friends displayed in my house unless perhaps it was a deceased friend I wanted to remember.

SageMist · 28/06/2020 12:55

Some people like photos of themselves and family in their living rooms and some people don't. It's probably as simple as that.

Northernsoullover · 28/06/2020 13:00

I don't like pics of people in my house but the removing it would almost smack of telling you not to step out of line.

ThePlantsitter · 28/06/2020 13:03

Some people think having photos of themselves around the house is naff. They're very vocal about it on Mumsnet for one, other places too I'm sure. If he's the kind of man who is influenced by what other people think he might have seen or been party of one of these conversations online.

You need to tell him it hurt your feelings.

canigooutyet · 28/06/2020 13:06

I hated having the pictures up. As soon as I could I took them down. Only agreed to it in the first place because of compromises.

Then the accusations came that I was cheating, seems not the only one. Ex would pop round in at random times or even have mutual friends find out what I was up to etc. Not an ex because I cheated, just all the drama wasn't worth it.

I hate having useless crap around as it creates more work. Those frames need to be cleaned and unless I want to have loads of polyfilla around, they aren't really moveable. And ones on a side are worse, have to move those to clean whatever is underneath.

TroysMammy · 28/06/2020 13:10

I haven't got any photos of childhood friends as adults at all. The thought of displaying such photos to me is frankly odd. I've got one small photo of my niece who is 9 on display but it's not on a wall.

Annasgirl · 28/06/2020 13:11

@Ifailed Lol - comment of the day😂😂😂😂

unlikelytobe · 28/06/2020 13:15

You display the photos of people and events which are meaningful to you. Nothing wrong with pictures of yourselves, the dog, special times. I used to have a photo collage of friends, memories etc on my wall when I was younger but would consider it a bit odd now, not sure why.

Individual photos in a nice frame seem a bit OTT for pals but not so much if it's one of those collection frames and it partly depends where they are displayed - main living room, hallway, spare bedroom, loo? They'd have to be old. close friends too.

Pleasedontdrawonyoursister · 28/06/2020 13:15

Sorry I’m with your OH here, I think it’s weird to have loads of photos of yourself dotted around. Maybe a wedding photo or one or two special family pics but a frame of 6 is a bit weird ... sorry!

Having said that it’s also weird to have photos of friends up. Maybe settle on a montage of the dog Grin

slashlover · 28/06/2020 13:15

You have 12 photos of you together? Maybe you could change some of them and leave some of you together?

Only on MN -
OP - DP wants to change the photos on display.
Replies - He's shagging/wants to shag someone else.

GallusAlice79 · 28/06/2020 13:16

Personally I'm not keen on lots of couple photos, I find it weird. I do have some pictures of very close friends up (group photos), but not prominently displayed.

I think this could mean a few different things, ranging from nothing to a bit more serious. On here a lot of people tend to jump from 1-100, but I don't think it's normal or realistic to never get sick of your OH...especially during lockdown.

Is it possible he feels that you tend to get your own way all the time (like around decor) and this is his way of flexing his muscles?

I think jumping to cheating conclusions is a tad overdramatic. If he was planning to invite another woman over he could just temporarily hide them!