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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be upset about him taking down photos of us

112 replies

LolaRose789 · 28/06/2020 12:06

AIBU to be upset over this. Am I just being stupidly sensitive?

In our living room we have two photo frame sets made up of 6 photos of me and partner. Us together and with our dog.

Last night he said he wanted to take these photos down and replace them with photos of friends because he thinks why do we need photos of ourselves up together when we see eachother all the time. He said it makes more sense to have photos up of people you don't see.

I know I am probably being silly but this hurt my feelings. They are lovely photos of us that we picked out together, printed off and hung up together. I love looking at them and the happy memories they bring. I'm more than happy for him to put up photos of his friends, but him wanting to replace our photos together to do that just upset me. Why not just buy more frames?

I know it sounds silly but I just felt hurt like I was being pushed aside for photos of friends and that having our photos up just doesnt mean much to him. I told him I felt a bit hurt and that I like having our photos up and I would rather him buy more frames.

He got annoyed and said having frames everywhere will look silly and can't believe I am offended over photos

OP posts:

Destroyedpeople · 28/06/2020 13:17

It IS quite naff to have pictures of yourself on display though. Maybe your husband jst realised that. ...or maybe he is just in a foul mood.

willowmelangell · 28/06/2020 13:17

He does seem to have just trampled over your feelings!
These pictures he wants up, not, um, ex girlfriends or Jill from the office or Beach Babe Winner 2017? All genuine mates from shared friendships?

TynesideWelsh · 28/06/2020 13:33

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AcrossthePond55 · 28/06/2020 13:33

I wouldn't have six photos of just DH and me on display, it would be a bit 'much' for my taste. Looking around we actually have one, and it's a group of our whole family (3 generations) from my parent's Golden Anniversary party. The rest are our DC, our parents and grandparents, and some very, very old pictures of great-grands. But each to his taste said the old woman as she kissed a cow.

Compromise is in order. If it's a case that your DP/DH just doesn't like photos of himself then see if you can arrange that they aren't in his 'line of sight' as he sits in the room.

Is it possible that someone has told him that having pics of oneself on display is naff? There's a 'school of thought' that says that having photos on display is 'non-U'. Really old painted portraits or photos of ancestors are all that is 'acceptable'.

Chloemol · 28/06/2020 13:39

I don’t have pictures of friends only family and would not dream of putting up photos of friends, unless maybe one of all of us

If he wants them up he can get more frames

Destroyedpeople · 28/06/2020 13:39

Oh is it U and non U? That could be why my mother disliked it so much. I think her own mother had spent time reading Nancy Mitford. ...

Viragoesque · 28/06/2020 13:43

Oh is it U and non U?

That depends on whether your wedding photos are displayed on the mantelpiece or the chimneypiece.

Destroyedpeople · 28/06/2020 13:46

@Viragoesque.....don't start...

SpilltheTea · 28/06/2020 13:49

If it was a couple of photos of himself with his friends, than I don't see what's weird about that.

1forAll74 · 28/06/2020 13:51

I would just keep your special photo's up, and take no notice of what your partner says. Usually men are not so fussed about photo's anyway, and it's not worth arguing about.

Thingsthatgo · 28/06/2020 13:57

I find it so strange that people have photos of themselves up around the house. Especially ones that are professionally posed. I don’t understand why anyone would want that. Maybe a lovely holiday snap. We have photos of extended family, grandparents and stuff, but no photos of us. I can see us every day!
I totally understand your DH’s point of view.

Wfhconundrum · 28/06/2020 13:57

Has anyone been around to your house and maybe said something like “it’s vain to have photos up of jist yourself”? I don’t think this but some people do.

MatildaTheCat · 28/06/2020 13:58

Maybe he’s just missing his friends if he hasn’t been able to see them for ages?

dontgobaconmyheart · 28/06/2020 14:05

How long ago were the photos taken? Perhaps he has matured/changed in tastes and finds the pictures a bit cringey now OP so wants them down.

I don't think a montage of couple photos on the wall is to everyones taste, I would find it slightly jarring (albeit people can do whatever they like in their own home). I wouldn't put pics of friends up either though.

If you have a gor feeling something has changed then it may well have done? Arguing and him saying he is sick of you is very unpleasant of him, why does he get to decide what is on the wall at home? Is he nicer to you when you go along with whatever he wants and turns when you don't?

Crossfitwidow · 28/06/2020 14:06

Sorry, but if I walked into my friends home and she had a picture of me on the wall I’d think she was creepy as fuck.

ChicCroissant · 28/06/2020 14:25

As a thread, this seems to be a collection of over-reactions!

I doubt wanting to change the photos on display is a sign of an affair. Only the OP knows if she reacts like this a lot to any suggestion of her partners - it seems a strange thing to fall out about to me. But I'm not one of those people who has a lot of photos of themselves on the wall, I have a school photo of my DD and a holiday photo of the three of us on a table (not a fan of the Mitfords either ).

I know photo walls are a 'thing' in decorative terms, but the ones I've seen have been wider family and not solely the people living in the house - and not in the main room either. How about moving the current photos into another room, say the bedroom or a dining room (if you have one)? Same with photos of friends really, I don't think I'd have them in the main room either!

BobFleming · 28/06/2020 14:27

Maybe he's bored of looking at the same photos? I get bored with things after a couple of years.

Or maybe he thinks they're a bit naff?

GinDrinker00 · 28/06/2020 14:29

I see his point but I’d also take it as a warning with his other comment. Maybe dig a bit deeper and see what he’s getting sick of?

DollyDaydream70 · 28/06/2020 14:33

My Son once went round our flat and counted how many pictures of Marilyn Monroe I have around the place, he included my Marilyn clock, coasters, calendar, cushion, bedspread etc etc. I think he counted over 50 items all together.... He then counted up how many photo's I had on show of him and his older Brother, which amounted to less than 10. My argument is the same as your Husband's. I have my actual Sons who I see all the time, Marilyn I will never get to see in the flesh.... 😬

morethanafortnight · 28/06/2020 14:35

Do any of these photos of friends include female friends, by any chance?

NoMoreDickheads · 28/06/2020 14:36

Well we had an argument yesterday morning and he told me that he was "getting sick of me". He apologised and said it was just the heat of the moment. But obviously then him saying in the evening he wants to take our photos down, it makes me feel like that is a small warning sign alongside the earlier comment

@LolaRose789 I can't blame you for feeling that way. I think I would too. Do you own/rent the house jointly? If so, you have just as much right to decide what pictures are up as him. You could have half and half. But I agree with you that it's not very nice. At the very least, it's not being tactful after your argument.

@canigooutyet OP's partner isn't saying he just doesn't like having photos though- he wants pictures, just not of them :(

^You have 12 photos of you together? Maybe you could change some of them and leave some of you together? Only on MN -
OP - DP wants to change the photos on display.^

@slashlover @SpilltheTea From the OP, it sounds like he wants to remove/change all of the photos of them as a couple, not just some.

I don't think he's necessarily cheating, but I'd say it kind of shows he doesn't value the relationship so much, or at the very least is inconsiderate.

It IS quite naff to have pictures of yourself on display though.

A lot of people have some wedding photos up for instance. It's not unusual. Naff is in the eye of the beholder.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 28/06/2020 14:42

just agree to it.

I honestly can't see him looking through his photos, picking out some he likes, getting them printed, measuring them, buying frames and putting them up.

So just agree to it, because he won't do it anyway.

MadCatLady71 · 28/06/2020 14:48

I think it’s most likely nothing to worry about. Loads of people don’t like pictures of themselves on display - me included. We have a few pics of family, a few of our cats, and that’s it. Why not see if he’d be comfortable with putting the pics of you together somewhere less prominent - in the bedroom for instance.

ScrapThatThen · 28/06/2020 14:52

I'm sorry he's being a shit. The earlier comment and the lack of care when you said you were hurt are not good signs. He does seem a bit like he is picking a fight. I would step back a bit see what happens don't fight for his affection. Is there any chance he has a thing for someone else?

SurreyHillsGirl · 28/06/2020 14:56

It IS quite naff to have pictures of yourself on display though

Oh I must take my beautiful wedding photos down then. I would have to be thought of as naff by some random on MN

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