To keep my daughter of nursery to hide black eye

[mummywoes]

Name changed for this.
My 2 year old hit her cheek on the side of the fire place yesterday after getting hyper and running around with her sister and has a cut on her cheekbone with a bruise all along the bottom of her eye. I'm really worried about sending her to nursery in case they think we've abused her and call social services.
Should I keep her off until it's better? I don't want to risk her being taken away if they don't believe us.

I had to send DD1 in with what was obviously a human bite mark once. Explained to them that DD1 had asked her sister to bite her, and her sister had obliged and that DD2 was in bother for biting, and DD1 was in bother for making such a ridiculous request to start with! Thankfully nursery knew both kids well enough to see just how that one was likely to have played out!

I can understand OP's reaction, as certain factors (race, age of parents, socio-economic background) can make people more judgemental if your child comes up with an injury.

Race? Really?

I know it's easier said than done but please try not to worry.

DD (now 5) used to go to Pre School one morning a week when she was 2. She would always, always without fail bash her head on something the day before and have some kind of bump or scratch. I used to tie myself up in knots worried about what the school staff would think, but in reality they never batted an eyelid (at least, not in front of me!)

We also once took her to A&E when she was 6 months old as she rolled off of the bed. I was in hysterics that a) she might have seriously hurt herself and b) that we would be interviewed by SS upon arrival (!) but the doctor very kindly told us that all children have fallen off the bed at some point.

They will look at
Is the injury consistent with your explanation and in a place you would expect it to be. Along with other info , is the child clean, well fed, parents engage with setting, no other concerns or odd injuries and the child's version.

Lots of children get nasty injuries and even broken bones without SS being involved. They are looking for injuries and behaviour out of the norm.

Hiding an injury would be out of the norm and would raise a concern.

My DSs have matching scars by their eyes.

DS1 was jumping around in a sleeping bag slipped and went head first into the corner of the fireplace.

DS2 was dicking about while trying to get out of the house for school and barged through a doorway at the same time as me and ricocheted off eye first into the door handle tearing the skin. The only dressing I could find was a large one left over from my EMCS years earlier, and he turned up at school with half his face covered in a great dressing as that zone bleeds quite energetically.

DS1 has had two x-rays in 9 years. Amazingly while a complete whirlwind, DS2 hasn't been to A&E since breathing difficulties at 3 months. He tends to just bounce off stuff.

I have had to explain bite marks from DS1... although there was the time that DS1 faked a bite on his own arm and was instantly rumbled because DS2 had a full set of teeth and DS1 had several gaps

Always try to let the people who care for your dd know all the facts so they can help you keep her safe whatever the danger.

Send her in. It’s so common, and often these things take a while to completely heal, so if she’s off for a week and then goes back in with marks that are healing but still there, it might make them more suspicious as to why you kept her off

I think it's the right thing to do OP, to take her in and explain.

I don't think your reaction is OTT or strange. I think it's an ordinary reaction of a person who has read the news over the years.

@MintyMabel yes really.

[quote Porcupineinwaiting]@MintyMabel yes really. [/quote]
Why the hmm?

I'm another one saying to send her in and tell the truth.
When DD1 was about 18 months she fell down a step and had a big egg and bruising on the middle of her forehead. Nursery did ask what had happened and I think they made a record of it that I had to sign. Nothing else ever came of it as it was a complete one off.
It'll be fine OP.

Nursery staff are trained to recognise or at least have suspicion of non accidental injury, and a black eye on a toddler isn't considered suspicious. Adults don't hit toddlers in the way they would another adult, and cause injuries such as black eyes. A woman coming to A&E would be a different matter.

With children it's things like bruises on areas children don't fall, or cigarette burns, scalds in a certain pattern.

Kiddies falling and hitting the areas around the eye, especially above the eye, are very common.

Have you had her checked over? My 11 year old did the same but had a small cut under his eye as well, I was advised to take him to our local eye hospital who did these tests to check his reactions.

It reminded me of this time my son was asked during PE what the mark's up his leg were (birth mark). They never asked me.

I always worried about this too as we know someone (friend of friend) who had her dd taken into care short term over an unexplained head injury discovered at nursery. Likely it had actually happened at nursery but no one knows as no one saw it happen. She did get her dd back but only after several weeks. The mother was in a high flying career, no previous involvement with social services, no criminal convictions, no man in the household who could have inflicted the injury. Very traumatic for the dm and dd.

Anyway, this said, I always sent my dds in regardless of injuries but made absolutely sure I flagged them up front with an explanation eg “mini once has a big bruise on her arm from a close encounter with the edge of the trampoline”.

OK so I would advise caution, only because we had a similar situation years ago and the nursery did indeed call in SS.
Record what you say on your phone.
Honestly, our situation which I won't go into as it's outing was awful even though it was swift but we felt very upset.

MisterMagpie I know the feeling. We were probably in A&E a dozen times before DS was 2. Some for accidents, but most for unexplained illness symptoms and unexplained high fevers. There were absolutely questions asked and calls from the HV and repeated implications of Munchausens by Proxy. DS was finally diagnosed with a rare genetic disease when he was 10. It's a disease that has a high rate of parents being falsely accused of Munchausens because of all the unexplained symptoms and the rarity of the disease and the scarcity of diagnostic tools. It's much better now because genetic testing has gotten so prevalent and cheap.

Anyway, given my personal experience, I completely understand the OP's concern.