To keep my daughter of nursery to hide black eye

[mummywoes]

Name changed for this.
My 2 year old hit her cheek on the side of the fire place yesterday after getting hyper and running around with her sister and has a cut on her cheekbone with a bruise all along the bottom of her eye. I'm really worried about sending her to nursery in case they think we've abused her and call social services.
Should I keep her off until it's better? I don't want to risk her being taken away if they don't believe us.

You don't have to answer of course but do you suffer from anxiety OP? I ask because I do, alot, and I'm regularly fretting over things like this.

Little kids get bumps and bruises all the time. Nursery staff wouldn’t be surprised by it. Keeping her off suggests you have something to hide.

Your first post made me feel anxious because DH was kept off school as a child with almost exactly that - a black eye, in his case caused by violent "discipline" from a family member

In the case of an accident absolutely just take her in and explain. She won't be the first. Social services are not looking to accuse people whose children have had accidents, don't worry.

When I took DS1 to hospital with various accidents as a little one it used to be routine to get a follow up call from the health visitor. They would want to check that you are emotionally OK (because a child being injured is awful for the parent, you just keep reliving it in your mind) and they also generally go over some basic safety advice just in case you were unaware which is helpful, I think. Nothing to do with checking up. But even if it was, it's good that there is a chance for someone who is perhaps frightened of a violent spouse/partner to say quietly to somebody "he hurts the children but I don't know how to leave" - there would be support in that case.

No, send her in and explain what happened. I understand your anxiety, I have anxiety and would worry too. But i work with children and we would only be worried if it was a regular occurrence or the story didn’t add up.

No send her and say what happened. Keeping her off looks suspicious.
Children do fall and get black eyes, bumps and bruises. My child got a spectacular black eye from falling in school playground. I didn't call social services on the school because of it as it is just what happens.

My eldest always had bumps and cuts and bruises. He was and still is at 13 a clumsy soul, he takes after his mother . At first I was a bit worried about what the nursery/school would think but his clumsiness happens at school too so they know well what he is like. There was one particular year I got a phone call every week to tell me ds had hit his head at break(they always call a parent and let them know when it's a 'head injury', fortunately only one of them ever ended up with him going to a&e!

I'm not going to repeat what others have said.

DS was bouncing on my bed and gave me, lying on the bed, a black eye. Barely 6 weeks later in an almost identical incident he gave me another one.
That was the only time ever that nursery even raised an eyebrow. And they'd asked DS what happened when I wasn't there.

You sounded terrified that she was going to be scooped up and taken from you, thinking like that must be exhausting, children fall and yes they smack their faces off stuff it was an accident nursery staff understand that.

I know how you feel OP it's an anxious time and children are unpredictable. My now 13yo had several bumps when he was little, all at nursery and school thankfully (as I was hyper vigilant) but people did judge the bumps on his forehead. I'm just glad I got through those years. I don't look back on it with anything but anxiety.
(He was like a whirlwind at that age and a persistent bolter.)

As long as there is a reasonable explaination , they wont worry , there are even similar injuries that occur in nursery for the same reasons .

I'm a nursery nurse, I wouldn't be concerned at all. Most days, out of 24 children in my preschool class, there are a couple who come in with some sort of injury. They are young children, with developing motor skills, injuries are to be expected as they learn to control their bodies. We would just ask you to complete a visible injury form (standard industry practice), which will be filed in your child's file. We would only get concerned if a pattern of injuries emerges, coupled with disclosures by the child. A black eye wouldn't worry me, but I would be, not concerned, that's too strong a word, but aware shall we say, if you kept her at home and brought her back the next week with the injury healing. Not enough to do anything but make a note of it, but you'd be on our radar incase it becomes a pattern.

Send her in, the best thing you can do is be completely open and honest with the nursery, don't act like you have something to hide when you don't.

I would be a lot more worried by a parent thinking they have to hide an injury than a child coming with a black eye

that's really concerning that you would be ready to put your child's welfare at the back, what else would you be hiding?

My DC2 got burnt with the iron when she was 18m (totally my fault) and even that only warranted a call from our HV.

Try not to worry @mummywoes

My SIL had an accident prone toddler dd and after a few nasty bumps SS did visit to suss then out, then left never to be seen again.

Don't worry about it and be truthful, if SS do come it is only to do a quick check all is ok. That's what they are there for.

I had similar with a massive bump/bruise on his chin and jaw from slipping over outside. Nursery just made me sign something when I turned up with him to say it had happened at home and not at nursery! You can see where their concern was!

I was awake all night thinking how could we let this happen

Unless you literally wrap her in cotton wool, these things will happen. She was happy and playing, and she had an accident. Totally normal. You could funnel your anxiety into checking that your place is properly child-proofed but kids will still run into things. My DN went to the park for the first time in months yesterday, and she has a livid L shape bruise on her face from running into the side of a bench in the first 30 seconds. Some things can't be prevented.

My son has injuries all the time. We call him Mr Tumble. He loonies around everywhere, takes no care and gives zero fucks.

Just to add I did overhear the Dr in A&E

"An iron, really, why are people so stupid?" But I think the fact we sought immediate medical help, we were both there, we were honest and told everyone what had happened, allowed the medical staff to make an assessment of us / our parenting.

It's parents who hide injuries or delay seeking medical treatment who are the real concern.

I think you should send her in. Children have accidents all the time, and you sending her in with your head held high shows sends the message that you have nothing to hide.

I hate it how parents have to be fearful of being reported to social services when their children have normal inevitable accidents. Parents shouldn’t have to live with that fear.

Just be honest.. Hiding it makes you look guilty. I completely understand your worries though. When my youngest was 2 she fell and smacked her head which resulted in a massive lump and 2 black eyes..Few days later she broke her ankle. I was terrified taking her to hospital but they were wonderful x

No you shouldn't keep her off because she's got an obvious injury. That's what abusers do. Just take her in and explain.

I remember being interviewed by social services as a child myself at school because I had scratches on my leg, I had no idea how they got there and my mum couldn't explain it either, I felt awful knowing by not answering them I was getting my mum into trouble but I didn't have an answer for how I got them.

I had lovely parents who'd never hurt me but that day I had to speak to a social worker at school was the most terrifying of my childhood.
I thought I'd never see my family again and it was all my fault because I had scratches on my leg from somewhere and I couldn't tell them why, I'll never forget that.

so I see why your worried I wouldn't want social services frightening my children.
All you can do is take her in and explain what happened, and try not to let it ruin your weekend.

Another reassuring voice here- and this is from someone who has actually had a fair amount of SS involvement over a child.

My eldest had one of those often misdiagnosed conditions which meant an actual paediatrician consultant thought there was something fishy about us, either that we had caused her mysterious symptoms by some kind of physical abuse or that she was traumatised by sexual abuse and making her physical pain up to cope with it.
At a later stage her school got very defensive when we complained about the lack of reasonable adjustment to our disabled child and reported us to Social Services not once, but several times.

Do you know what never happened? A Social Worker swooping down out of nowhere and taking dd away.

They visited. We offered cups of tea. They talked to us. They listened to us. We explained.

Now that is a very high level of SS involvement due to an ongoing problem and repeated malicious reports. It still didn't result in anyone being taken away,

At one point (before this other stuff happened) we took dd, then about 2, to A & E with a serious head injury: she was unconscious for hours. The next day the Health Visitor rang to check we were all ok and knew how to look after her. She asked what had happened (accident on a slide) and I explained.

Again, that was the level of involvement. Of course they were to some extent checking up on us too- and letting us know they were checking up- but for them it was routine: children have accidents.

My rough and tumble child with balance issues went to A&E several times in a short period with accidental injuries (he was like an accident magnet for a short while!). A&E raised it with SS who passed it to my health visitor. She just rang and had a chat. She was very understanding that it was just a boisterous child. It hasn’t caused any further issues. So worst case senario and nursery did raise it, it’s still really unlikely to even involve any kind of official involvement/assessment.

When DS ended up at A&E in year six due to an allergic reaction they were very concerned that he had never been treated for injury anywhere. They said it wasn’t normal.

The worst thing you can do is behave like a guilty person.