To keep my daughter of nursery to hide black eye

[mummywoes]

Name changed for this.
My 2 year old hit her cheek on the side of the fire place yesterday after getting hyper and running around with her sister and has a cut on her cheekbone with a bruise all along the bottom of her eye. I'm really worried about sending her to nursery in case they think we've abused her and call social services.
Should I keep her off until it's better? I don't want to risk her being taken away if they don't believe us.

I sent DD in this week with a scuffed nose and bruise along her forehead, she fell in town. I just let the staff know and signed a form to say she didn’t do the injury at nursery.

If she mentions it later it will look really odd that you kept her off. These things happen ALL THE TIME. I dislocated my daughters elbow (complete accident! I was trying to stop her falling and hitting her head on a corner) and was worried about telling her preschool teacher, they were completely unfazed. Little ones are clumsy, accidents happen. If you were sending her in with bruises all the time that would worry them (quite rightly!) but a one-off won’t surprise them at all.

I got raised eyebrow at a and e for third broken bone or suspected broken bone within 6 months for my two - combination of lots of netball hockey clumsiness and bad luck

I'm not worried about your reaction either OP. Most of the parents I see give me a hugely detailed explanation and are very worried. They seem to think I will call SS for anything worse than a very mild bruise. They also feel really guilty, even if the child was on a bike, wearing a helmet, elbow and knee pads but twisted their ankle.

I see a lot of risk averse parents as well, frightened that their child will fall or hurt themselves in some way, never letting them do anything too physical because of it. Even worrying if they go a bit fast down a grassy slope.

I do worry about what makes parents like this.

It seems like people are implying OP's anxiety is suspicious in itself when it strikes me that she is just incredibly anxious and filled with unnecessary guilt.

^This. I remember feeling this way as an adoptive mum, especially during the first few months after DD1 was placed with us aged 1 (she's 11 now!). We were being monitored by SS at that time and expected to give an account of every bruise she had. (There were a lot, as she was learning to walk at the time.)

But all it was about was making sure that we were supervising her adequately. Which will be the main concern, that you know how the black eye happened.

@RedHelenB

No. Send her in and explain to staff what happened. Keeping her off will raise more questions. Kids have accidents all the time.

Exactly this. Take her and explain what happened. Hiding it will look shifty.

One of mine has a condition which makes her more injury prone. From a young age I would encourage her to explain first what had happened. Assuming your dd can talk and is unlikely to make up wild accusations: today when looking at it ask her how it feels after banging it on the fireplace. Same again tomorrow. Praise her for being a brave girl so she doesn't feel embarrassed. Then at nursery tomorrow ask her to tell her keyworker what happened 'Milly are you going to tell Sarah what happened to your face and what a brave girl you were?' You will still need to do a form and fill in the gaps but the sooner she can explain things herself the better. If you keep her off she will probably only go bouncing in saying that she couldn't come because she had a bruise and by then might have forgotten how it happened which will look worse.

Kids have bumps and bruises all the time, I’ve dropped my eldest off at nursery more than once with a bruise on her face, she has a little brother who went through a phase of throwing things or clunking her on the head. Whenever she had one I made sure I went and told them, not wait for them to ask. Unless there are other things going on a bump won’t start an alarm system. An otherwise happy child with no other signs for concern having a bruise won’t trigger anything. It’s happened a few times with our child and no one has been knocking at the door.

It's such a shame that people live in fear of the authorities, children need to run around and be children, it's what children do including getting bumps and scratches along the way.

Stop reading horror stories about children being taken away by social services, they will be professionals trained in child abuse and are not out to get your kids the minute you step a foot wrong.

Social services are interested in unexplained or suspicious bruising OP. As you have a plausible explanation and the bruise is on a more prominent part of the face that genuinely does tend to get bruised in accidents (as opposed to the fleshy part of the cheek for example) then you've nothing to worry about.

Keeping her home to hide a bruise will arouse way more suspicion.

Keeping her off will look more suspicious. Send her in they all get bumps and bruises.

OP, if you lie, keep her off and then word gets out that you tried to hide a black eye, that really will raise questions. Don't worry! Just talk to the nursery--they are absolutely used to the fact that little kids injure themselves. It will be fine, honest!

i would send her in, you have nothing to hide! I'm almost about to qualify as a social worker and unless the nursery had associated concerns about your parenting this would not be an issue. the injury is consistent with what you are saying, there's no concerns over neglect/abuse I assume and your child is of an age where bumps and bruises are part of everyday life! just ensure that you comply with any of the nurseries record keeping processes and it should be fine :)

Far more suspicious when she goes back and they say to her "are you better now?" and she replies "my eye was black and mummy didn't want you to see it". Followed by a long exaggeration how the bruise covered half her face.
That will raise red flags.

And if you think she won't tell-I'll bet she will be very excited to tell everyone about the huge black eye.

My son fell off playground equipment, landed on a metal bar face first and had two black eyes and the best egg in his head. He had a day off because of the lump, but the next time he went in his nursery teachers were very impressed with his black eyes and gave him a lot of fussing after they put it in the accident book.

They won't think anything of it. They're used to all sorts of interesting injuries that kids manage to aquire. Plus cheeks and black eyes aren't injuries that would flag concern on their own, they're a common area to bump.

I have filled the “accident at home” book in at nursery more times than I care to remember!

Honestly, don't worry - send her in & just explain - they know what kids are like. They'll probably note it to cover themselves but that'll be it. Our curious, active son was permanently covered in bruises as a toddler/pre-schooler - in the Summer, wearing shorts, his shins looked dreadful as there wasn't a thing in the land he wouldn't attempt to climb or jump off - my nerves were permanently shredded! The words, "Mummy, look at me!" put fear in me on a daily basis!! 🤣

Send her in and explain. She'll probably have a mark there from the cut for a good while and it will look suspicious and like you have indeed kept her home to hide the injury when it was worse, which will raise questions and suspicions that bringing her in now with a credible explanation will not. Nursery will see this all the time

We got a HV visit after my DD1 had three A&E visits in two months (different hospitals as well which apparently can be a red flag- one was daytime, one evening, one on holiday). All face injuries needing glueing and strips (she still has the scars). They just checked everything was ok and said it sounded like a run of bad luck.

DD2 had to go to preschool with two black eyes at once. It looked like she had been punched in the face- and we had no idea what happened. I actually asked them if it could have happened there- and they came to a similar conclusion. Never got to the bottom of it... We think she must have fallen at some point, but she's always getting cuts and bruises and not reacting.

I totally understand your anxiety and thought process.

My DS ran behind me and touched the inside of the oven door when I was taking food out and his fingers blistered. I was absolutely beside myself with worry and didn't want to send him in because I know how on the ball most nurserys are and I felt like a terrible parent for the fact it happened.

Long story short it was fine. No finger pointing. Just explain what happened, you have nothing to worry about.

It would be more concerning to me if I knew a child was being kept off to conceal a black eye, than if you took her in.
Accidents happen, bumps and bruises are very common especially at a younger age.

DS1 has his own page in the preschool accident book. They did joke that they might have been concerned if they hadn’t seen him in action themselves. He then got the most bumped head certificates in Reception (year group of 90) and has a reputation there for falling over thin air. Nobody has ever raised concerns, poor lad is simply not well coordinated.

Streamingbannersofdawn

I do worry about what makes parents like this

Awful inaccurate media portrayal of social workers as evil child snatching Demons. When in reality they have much bigger fish to fry than an accident, and try and keep the child with the family if at all possible and safe. Because of privacy and confidentiality laws around investigations and children’s right not to be identified, people are free to slag social workers off as much as they like and they are duty-bound not to be able to say anything in return. No parent getS their child removed without very good cause and the judges say so, it’s just a shame parents don’t understand that. You never hear ra parent admit SS were right to remove their child to a place of safety really, do you?

Personally I’d rather be questioned over an accident than a child who is being abused fly under the radar, but that’s just me.

If I worried about this I’d never leave the house, people probably think I beat my much loved baby boy because he’s a terror and is always getting into some sort of mischief and ending up with bruises and black eyes 🤷🏻‍♀️