It’s an inheritance one!

[Sadinside]

Sadly FIL died last year after a truly harrowing illness. He left DH and SIL each 40K. MIL has never really been involved with money, having always kept that as FIL’s domaine - bit old fashioned. The will was old - 20 years old. DH suggested MIL quickly got bank statements together to tot up value of savings and assets - as he was executor. The initial tot up came back as 120K. This would mean once DH and SIL were paid out - she’d have the house (worth about 300K plus 40K savings) - she’s 72 and in good health. DH asked me what I thought, and my immediate feeling was that both siblings should really hand back the will to MIL in order to give her savings and home options (she was talking about moving into a modern house). Papers were signed handing back the money to MIL. Everyone happy. Fast forward about a month, the solicitor is undertaking bank searches and unearths 200K that MIL had no idea about. Suddenly she’s a wealthy widow. No parent / child discussion about giving back the inheritance to anyone. Covid hits, DH has pay slashed, we can’t afford our mortgage and are selling up to move to a much smaller house. The inheritance would have kept our house. MIL In the meantime declares she’s staying put in the old big house. I’ve spoken to no one about this because I feel a bit ashamed of feeling pissed off at an elderly grieving lady. Ive not told DH that I feel his mum has acted a bit sneakily ...but that actually is how I feel. AIBU to feel kind of diddled? The money’s not mine, I’ve never banked on anything but I know in same position I wouldn’t do that do my own kids! Do I need to mentally let this go? We move in August and I just find myself avoiding MIL on phone, I can’t feel the same way about her having previously got on pretty well for years.

anyway- on another note you are taking it with dignity- looking on the bright side etc. Which is really impressive to be honest.

Some horrible money grabbing attitudes on here.
This is his mum- how would you want your own mum to be treated?
I wouldn’t want to see my mum struggle after a bereavement because I love her.

What kind of person puts money before family? And it’s £40k- not life changing sums.

Some people!

If I was your MIL I would have been livid that he had given away money that wasn't really his to give away. He managed all the money and obviously put everything in his sole name. He should have discussed joint wishes with your MIL before he died.

I don't understand the legality of not abiding by the Will.
The fact it was done 20 years ago is not relevant.

It was his father's wish they should have some money.

Did you do this through the solicitor?

Had probate occurred then so you all knew how much money was around?

Not abiding by a will unless it's done legally is illegal.

(Are you in the UK as noting the timing of your post)?

Your MIL is relatively young- 7 years older than me. In today's terms she is not an 'old' woman! she has at least ten years of good health left I'd say when she might want to live a bit and enjoy life. You are talking of her as if she is in her 90s!

She may live for another 20 years, so £200K is not a lot of money in terms of assets for someone her age.

It's an average of £10K pa on top of a reduced pension and any state pension she has. It will be eaten away by inflation over the years.

If she decides to give your DH any early inheritance that's her choice. BUT as a family you were all wrong to alter the Will!

As before, how was this allowed? It might have been a family decision but it wasn't legal and it wasn't your place to suggest it even though you had good intentions.

You acted prematurely and now that the full extent of her finances are known, it's come back and bitten you on the bum.

You ought to have planned your OWN finances better with some contingency for loss of earnings, which you didn't, and that's why you have to move.

Sorry but you sound very controlling. Aas a DIL it wasn't your place to suggest your FILs will was changed. it's not your role now to suggest your MIL coughs up to help you out.
She may well have done that but she hasn't and there is sweet FA you can do.

I think it's pretty unusual to leave half your money to your children when your spouse is still alive. Did she even know about it? £40,000 isn't very much when you're on reduced income and have a house to maintain for the rest of your life. I imagine she's relieved not to have to leave the house where she brought up her children. I can see why OP might feel a bit resentful about the newly discovered cash, but ultimately they did the right thing.

If I was your MIL I would have been livid that he had given away money that wasn't really his to give away

eh?

In a will anyone can do what they want with their money.

I’m also not convinced the original will was sound from what you’ve described. The mil could have potentially challenged it anyway. I think you need to get over it and realise that the money was you fil and mil money and one of them is still very much alive with a need for it. This is a case that shows why you should use a solicitor and do estate planning properly and make sure any wills are updated as circumstances change . The fil has put you all in a crappy situation through his bad planning

You cannot not follow a will simply as you consider it out of date @sadinside.

Not everyone updates a will.

That doesn't mean they are nul and void.

Disgraceful of you really.

It was really a mad thing to do to hand back the £49k on an unofficial ‘tot up’ and before any tax considerations had been undertaken, and the solicitor had fine the job properly.

However.

Had FIL been attentive and re-fine his will, would he really have left cash savings to his kids? Rather than his survive DW? I suppose he might, it all depends on how much pension there is.

Thinking about it the 40k would be a sticking plaster over a wound. Selling up helps our financial hole a lot more. I need perspective

This is the important overview.

I really hope things improve for you again.

sorry OP I sounded insensitive upthread - I have terribe foot in mouth at the best of times.

@JinglingHellsBells

You cannot not follow a will simply as you consider it out of date *@sadinside*.

Not everyone updates a will.

That doesn't mean they are nul and void.

Disgraceful of you really.

It wasn’t just FILs money - it was both their money. She clearly knew nothing about it because he controlled the finances.

It would be disgraceful for children to take money that should rightfully go to their mother and leave their money financially vulnerable and likely have to sell their home.

You sound so entitled.

Mil could have challenged the will and would have been successful. It’s bloody her money jointly.

This is sad, it is better to stick to the bequests in a will. Unfortunately, money brings out the worst in families, experienced it first hand

Jingling

Did you do this through the solicitor?
Had probate occurred then so you all knew how much money was around

Read the OP.

Not abiding by a will unless it's done legally is illegal

Read the OP. It is not illegal to decline to accept a bequest, it is not illegal to accept it and then give it back. It would be illegal for an executor to fail to distribute the will as specified yes.

BUT as a family you were all wrong to alter the Will
They didn’t alter the will. They chose not to accept the money. On the basis of thinking there was much less cash than there was. Which was maybe many things, but not illegal.

£320k retirement savings isn't much nowadays assuming she doesn't have an additional private pension. That has to last the rest of her life (potentially decades) and she might require care/ additional equipment in her home in later years. The house doesn't count if she's living in it. I wouldn't suggest she leave her home, it won't go down well!

I'd share your circumstances with her and ask for a loan maybe if you're in dire straits, but I wouldn't begrudge her the £40k your husband voluntarily gave back. It was the right thing to do IMO. She may offer you money to help, but be careful she doesn't offer too much if she's not very financially literate. I'm sorry you've ended up in this situation, I hope things improve soon.

I cant understand how this has happened TBH .Surely everything has to go through probate? In any case its too late now really .Do you think she was not thinking straight? Maybe you could mention it to her ?

Most people don't inherit anything until both their parents have died. The entire estate is normally inherited by the surviving spouse, then the children get it after that person dies. Your MIL would normally have inherited everything so stop worrying about it and live your lives as normal.

@Comeby I can assure you I did read the OP, very much indeed. I suggest you do the same where you will see this:

and my immediate feeling was that both siblings should really hand back the will to MIL in order to give her savings and home options (she was talking about moving into a modern house). Papers were signed handing back the money to MIL

You cannot 'hand back the Will' (that's not a legal process and doesn't exist.)

Papers were signed - which papers? This was before probate. What did a solicitor do when the full estate was not known?

Why on earth did you sign the papers before probate had been granted?

I would ask for it back. It may cause an issue but if you don't you will all be so resentful the relationship will be harmed anyway.

I think its maybe the amount of money the MIL now has that makes it seem unfair. She's got the 200k that’s just been found, plus the 120k that was originally listed in the will. I know some posters have said that doesn’t make her wealthy but i think for the vast majority of the UK population it’s a pretty comfortable position to be in, especially when (I assume) the house is mortgage free. I do think that the husband should explain the situation about having to move out. She should be given all the facts to make a judgement for herself. I think (from what I’ve read) the lack of reassessment from the mothers side that I’d find difficult.

Not sure I believe the tale of the mil having no clue about the 200K.

@ConstantlySeekingHappiness Sadly there are some basic misunderstandings here.

A person can have their own bank accounts and investments and leave whatever they want to anyone, regardless of whether they are married.

Usually, a spouse would leave everything to the remaining spouse , and then the children would inherit when they died, but legally they can leave their assets to the local dogs home if they choose.

Lots of people assume money is a joint asset in a marriage but it's not if you have your own investments- you can do what you want with it in your will. A spouse can contest that but it's a process to go through.

I think the Will was very ill considered and you did the right thing handing the money back.

It’s a good job that he didn’t die sooner and the kids did take the money it as your MIL would have potentially had a financially tough retirement.

@Sadinside You were advised very badly.

Are you in the UK as laws are different obviously elsewhere in the world.

The solicitor was very wrong to agree to an alteration to the will (and it's a legal doc) just because the family decided to do otherwise WHEN PROBATE WAS NOT COMPLETED.

You as a family jumped the gun. But you have had negligent advice and ought to speak to the person who dealt with it.

It's one thing to come to a family decision and be generous and hand money back if you felt someone else was more deserving, but it's another for it to be a legal process to do that when there were so many loose ends to tie up in terms of the assets.

Doesn't make sense,