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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH won't go to dc birthday

65 replies

Feellikedancingyeah · 27/06/2020 22:38

Having a small get together for DS tomorrow. Immediate family only, in the garden. DS really looking forward to it as he's been no where since lockdown started. I've obviously already bought all the food etc. He has just told me he can't go ! His mum's house is empty (in a nursing home permanently) and when he went there this morning he could see that someone had tried to break the locked gate. He insists on fitting a light tomorrow or he won't be able to stop worrying about it. (his words). Am I being unreasonable to be upset and disappointed?
Or just carry on without him and not show any emotion about it?

OP posts:
HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight · 27/06/2020 22:40

Why didn't he do it today? Could be go in the evening or early in the morning? It will take less than half an hour to fit a security light

LockdownMayhem · 27/06/2020 22:40

What time is the party? Surely he can do both in one day (I assume the party isn't going to be all day?)

HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight · 27/06/2020 22:40

I'd be livid

BananaSpanner · 27/06/2020 22:45

yanbu...but...
How far away his his mum’s?
How long realistically is it going to take to change the light?
How old is dc?
Do they get on?
Did he object to the party?
Is there a backstory to this?

Original poster
Feellikedancingyeah · 27/06/2020 22:57

It takes about 20 minutes with current low traffic to get from his mum's. Party not until 2. DIY shop opens at 10. He just said straight off that he can't make it. It is DS 14th birthday.
What upset me was the fact that he just said straight away that he can't make it as he won't have enough time ? ! I wouldn't mind if he was late but showed some effort.
His mum is 91 and hasn't lived there for a while. There is nothing of value in the house at all.

OP posts:
BlingLoving · 27/06/2020 22:59

How long does it take to fit a light? If he's close to his mum and feeling stressed about her home in her absence, I can understand, but surely the answer is just to get up extra early so that he can get the light done and be back in time for the party?

BlingLoving · 27/06/2020 23:00

Outside DIY shop at 10:00. At his mum's by 10:30. Couple of hours to fix a light up and home in plenty of time. He's being ridiculous.

Blanca87 · 27/06/2020 23:00

I smell bullshit from your hubby.....

emptyplinth · 27/06/2020 23:02

Sounds odd and a bit of a bullshit excuse. Sorry.

Starlightstarbright1 · 27/06/2020 23:02

I would expect there to be more to this story - is it his Ds? How is their relationship ?

Yes I would go ahead - let him be the dickhead

Euclid · 27/06/2020 23:06

If he is your son's father then he is being very unreasonable and selfish.

SecondStarFromTheRight · 27/06/2020 23:06

Who is the family that is coming for the party? Yours, his or both? Does he get on with them?

ChicCroissant · 27/06/2020 23:07

I am also wondering if this is missing a few details, such as the DH not wanting to meet up with people in the garden yet. How often does he normally check on your MIL's house, OP? Did he agree to the party?

1willgetthere · 27/06/2020 23:07

When you say immediate family, do you mean you, DH, DS and any other DC. In which case there doesn't need to be a set time. If it is your wider family and not his wider family maybe he is feeling sad his aren't around? Is your DS bothered?

Tuliptulip · 27/06/2020 23:08

It seems quite rubbish to me but what really matters is what your DS thinks about it? My DC would be sad if their DF wasn’t at their birthday parties, especially if they had expected them to be there. But they are younger. Is your DS upset? If so, I’d expect his DF to make every effort to come to the party, working the DIY around it.

Original poster
Feellikedancingyeah · 27/06/2020 23:08

He hasn't got any other family

OP posts:
Humberbear · 27/06/2020 23:14

I can't see the point in installing a security light on a house no one lives in. The one I and my neighbours have are set off by cats so no one even bothers to go and check. A camera amd alarm would make more sense.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 27/06/2020 23:17

Depends whereabouts you live and how far pele are travelling.
If you are england I am sure the other 3 people (assuming you only have one dc) won't mind turning up a little later or if your husband is a little late.
Wales - depends on people there but if they are friends they are there to see your doc not your husband

Maybe he feels it is a party for you and your ds sonyounwouldnt mind if he wasnt there? Habe you told him how hurt your ds will be (if he will be?)

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 27/06/2020 23:17

*people obviously not pele!

justasking111 · 27/06/2020 23:18

He needs to order a camera that links to his phone really being that far away.

He is avoiding the party for some reason, he will have plenty of time in the morning to do this job.

Mrsmadevans · 27/06/2020 23:19

Is your Dh ok mentally OP ? Is he depressed ?

iano · 27/06/2020 23:22

This is really not ok. I'd be livid if my DH let down DS like that.
That'll take some getting over for a teen who can't have a party with his mates. Not even dad could be arsed. Awful!

SavoyCabbage · 27/06/2020 23:23

That’s madness!

So what if he can’t stop worrying about it! He will just have to worry then.

Or do two things in one day.

Anyway, lights don’t stop burglars.

There are so many things wrong with this. Is there someone who is going to be there who he doesn’t want to see? That would make more sense than this light nonsense.

BeKindOrBeQuiet · 27/06/2020 23:26

Lots of limp weisses men being spoken about on mn today.

He's missing his sons birthday to fit a security light??

Be glad he's your ex. I hope your ds has a wonderful day tomorrow x

BeKindOrBeQuiet · 27/06/2020 23:27

Wristed ** 🙄