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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know why my friend has cut me off?

105 replies

Showmerheway · 27/06/2020 06:17

I've been close friends with a man since we were very young, he was one of my best friends. We'd been friends for about 10 years, across our teenage years and into our early twenties where we are now. There was always a somewhat sexual element to the relationship and he asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of times when we were teenagers. I turned him down because I didn't feel ready for a relationship.

Our close friendship continued through university and we both graduated last year. We lived in separate cities but always saw each other when we both returned to our home town at the same time.

Since lockdown began, I moved back to my home town to live with my parents, as did he.

He first messages me asking to meet up and I tried to arrange for us to meet outside. He agreed to plans 3 times in a row and each time then flaked last minute with silly excuses.

I got slightly annoyed with him after the third time and he at first was defensive but layer apologised, giving no reason for why he really kept cancelling.

Since then, I've heard nothing from him, despite the fact he's living only a 5 minute walk away from me.

I really miss him and I'm not sure why he's cut me off, or how I can rekindle our friendship. Should I ring him and ask him what's going on?

OP posts:
Soanywayhowsyoursexlife · 28/06/2020 10:14

@Dragonembroidery

Tell him: Anthony(insert name here), I really miss you x Why are you not responding to my messages? I can't stop thinking about you and I did something silly! I put on mumsnet!!! that I've got feelings about you (which I have! xxx) and they said I should tell you... They said I could pop round?

Can I come round to talk xx

Love from op

Don't send this Grin
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 28/06/2020 10:29

Oh, he's your back up guy that you use for an ego boost. Now hes playing hard to get you've decided you have feelings for him. You don't, you just want the security of knowing you always have an option so need to step your game up to keep him where he has always been, doting on you. It's really unfair to do that to someone.

Op says she is 23. At that age everything is new and confusing and hormones are rife!

Shes 23, not 13.

Tell him:
Anthony(insert name here), I really miss you x
Why are you not responding to my messages? I can't stop thinking about you and I did something silly! I put on mumsnet!!! that I've got feelings about you (which I have! xxx) and they said I should tell you...
They said I could pop round?

Can I come round to talk xx

Love from op

Definitely don't send this.

Candyflosscookie · 28/06/2020 11:34

Really hoping that suggested message from dragon was highly sarcastic and I can stop cringing myself inside out now.

You do sound like you're just panicking that your safe option ego boost may have finally given you the shove. Don't muck with his feelings. Check he's ok, he may be depressed and need a friend to chat, but don't start anything with him unless you really mean it. Poor guy.

Clockonmantlepiece · 28/06/2020 20:13

What happened OP?
Did you go round?
I'm sure dragon wasn't being sarcastic.

Showmerheway · 28/06/2020 22:10

You're all right. You've really made me look at myself. I didn't realise it but it seems I am just desperate for a boyfriend. I'm very lonely in all honesty. I do genuinely have feelings for this friend of mine but he deserves better than me so I think I should just leave it.

OP posts:
Dragonembroidery · 28/06/2020 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 28/06/2020 22:28

Oh OP dont say that.
Honestly the bitches above should have there heads tested. You know theyre all bored millionaires in perfect houses don't you? With bloody staff, ffs!

Yes, because I disagree with using someone for an ego boost, I'm a bored millionaire, in a perfect house with staff Confused

Or maybe I'm just a real person, who has lived in the real world, and has seen this scenario a thousand times before.

Yesmate · 28/06/2020 22:29

Are you desperate for a boyfriend or desperate for him. You need to know which. Don’t mess a guy around that likes you because you are desperate for a boyfriend.
That’s shitty.

Showmerheway · 28/06/2020 22:36

I do like him.

OP posts:
Dragonembroidery · 28/06/2020 22:44

Go for it OP. Call him now.
Say your being bullied by
stranger-women and need his help.

But honestly do it. Life's too short for regrets. Especially in a pandemic.

You are good enough. You are worthy of him. You are a nice person and the above pp have forgotten what it is to be young.
It's blooming obvious that you miss him.

Think of the pp above, that ended up married to her old friend.

Dragonembroidery · 28/06/2020 22:46

Since when is he such a victim @Yesmate? You're just saying that to stick the knife into OP

Yesmate · 28/06/2020 22:55

I didn’t say he was a victim @Dragonembroidery don’t put words in to my mouth. I asked the OP to think about whether she wanted a boyfriend or him and not to mess someone around because it’s shitty.
It is shitty to mess someone around. I stand by that, not sticking the knife in at all. Merely asking the OP to think before she acts.

Myheadsconfused · 28/06/2020 23:01

Just make sure of your feelings first and if your sure you like him then phone him and tell him. You've nothing to loose if he's not been speaking much and everything to gain if you do want a relationship. Good luck and neck a drink before for your nerves Wink

2bazookas · 28/06/2020 23:08

Just contact him and say "I miss you, lets go for a walk ".

RinderTinderNotRinderGrinder · 29/06/2020 06:52

Oh god, whatever you do don’t send dragonembroidery’s message. It’ll make you look weird and utterly unable to make your own mind up. If I thought someone had only contacted me because a bunch of mums told them to, I wouldn’t think it was true love.

Ideally go round and chat to him, or you could send a simple message saying that you’ve had time to think and you like him.

If you’re unsure and just lonely then maybe leave it a little while to make sure that you really do like him, and this isn’t just a reaction to feeling alone.

BlazeMonsterMachine · 29/06/2020 07:51

Genuinely, just go round and see him. You're over thinking everything, which is easy to F I given how you feel about him.

Worst case he doesn't want to be fr anymore, but at least you'd know and will stop torturing yourself.

Best case he feels the same as you.

Most likely case, it'll be somewhere in the middle.

So what do you have to loose compared to where you are right now?

crispysausagerolls · 29/06/2020 08:27

I had exactly the same situation. Best, best friend in the world from
13-23ish. He had feelings for me that I didn’t return. I just loved him so much as a friend. What happened was that over the years, he would get a girlfriend and drop me for the time they were together. I couldn’t blame him as I knew he had feelings, and I knew the girlfriends wouldn’t like it. Finally aged 23 he just didn’t reply to me at all anymore (although I still spoke to his parents via social media etc as they had been a big
Part of my life).

I’m 29 now and last year we rekindled contact. I’m
Married with children, he is divorced and in a relationship with a lovely sounding woman who I FINALLY GET TO MEET 😁😱

I would try to have a serious conversation with him TBH. It will be something along these lines.

BadLad · 29/06/2020 10:33

"Tell him:
Anthony(insert name here), I really miss you x
Why are you not responding to my messages? I can't stop thinking about you and I did something silly! I put on mumsnet!!! that I've got feelings about you (which I have! xxx) and they said I should tell you...
They said I could pop round?

Can I come round to talk xx

Love from op"

Don't send this.

But if you do, replace "to talk" with "for a shag".

If you're going to cringe to death, you may as well know for certain where you stand.

InfiniteSheldon · 29/06/2020 10:34

Seriously crispy leave the poor man alone

gamerchick · 29/06/2020 10:42

Yes, because I disagree with using someone for an ego boost, I'm a bored millionaire, in a perfect house with staff

Ah imagine it though. I wouldn't mind giving it a shot Grin

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 29/06/2020 10:58

gamerchick I have children that will pass me a bag of salt and vinegar ringos on demand. I guess that counts as staff Grin

MyNameIsArthur · 29/06/2020 11:07

Write him a letter about how you feel and put it through his letter box

gamerchick · 29/06/2020 11:20

gamerchick I have children that will pass me a bag of salt and vinegar ringos on demand. I guess that counts as staff

Those are the perks definitely Grin

Yesmate · 29/06/2020 12:53

@gamerchick based on that my DS has staff. I’m doing something wrong here 😂

crispysausagerolls · 29/06/2020 15:31

@InfiniteSheldon

What?! He wants to be friends now! He’s obviously moved on and is happy and can be a proper couple friend. He went to school with DH too actually so they know each other Independently of me. If he doesn’t want to be friends he doesn’t have to - no one is forcing him!