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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know why my friend has cut me off?

105 replies

Showmerheway · 27/06/2020 06:17

I've been close friends with a man since we were very young, he was one of my best friends. We'd been friends for about 10 years, across our teenage years and into our early twenties where we are now. There was always a somewhat sexual element to the relationship and he asked me to be his girlfriend a couple of times when we were teenagers. I turned him down because I didn't feel ready for a relationship.

Our close friendship continued through university and we both graduated last year. We lived in separate cities but always saw each other when we both returned to our home town at the same time.

Since lockdown began, I moved back to my home town to live with my parents, as did he.

He first messages me asking to meet up and I tried to arrange for us to meet outside. He agreed to plans 3 times in a row and each time then flaked last minute with silly excuses.

I got slightly annoyed with him after the third time and he at first was defensive but layer apologised, giving no reason for why he really kept cancelling.

Since then, I've heard nothing from him, despite the fact he's living only a 5 minute walk away from me.

I really miss him and I'm not sure why he's cut me off, or how I can rekindle our friendship. Should I ring him and ask him what's going on?

OP posts:
Beni1993 · 27/06/2020 09:27

@verybritishproblems

All of this being said, if that's important to you why are you on here discussing it with strangers?! Grow up and ask him directly*

Oh that’s nice that is. This is a forum for Gods sake. You could reply to every post and question with this. She’s after independent advice and/or wants to just chat out her feelings first. Like everyone on here. I mean...

Exactly, she wants independent advice. My advice would be to ask him directly, we can all hypothesise until the end of time about what is going on in his mind, the only way to know is to ask him.
LudaMusser · 27/06/2020 09:34

A lot of people saying to go round unannounced, I often see posts on here saying how much people hate unannounced visits

ThatsNotMyMeerkat · 27/06/2020 09:43

Hmm, I am interested as per the PP about what happened to the colleague you wanted to be in a relationship with three days ago?

Ellisandra · 27/06/2020 09:50

He’s cut you off because he’s fed up with you dangling him for your own ego. Good for him! Now go concentrate on your work colleague that you wanted to date, earlier this week Hmm

KetoWinnie · 27/06/2020 09:57

Did you tell the friend about the colleague?

Maybe that was the moment he realised that he was wasting his time.

As a pp said, he never set out to have a friendship with you.

SnakesOrLadders · 27/06/2020 10:03

Marking thread sounds intriguing now...

NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 27/06/2020 10:06

Mmm, are you bored OP?

You now want a romantic relationship with this friend who has cancelled on you 3 times yet, according to your thread on 23 June, "I feel ike a silly schoolgirl but I have developed feelings for a colleague."

Sounds like you need to sort out how you feel or stop making up threads. IF these threads are both true, do not contact your friend again, especially if you feel he has feelings for you. Why start a romantic relationship with him if you have developed feelings for your colleague?

You do sound like a silly schoolgirl.

AllDressedUpForMyselfOnly · 27/06/2020 10:12

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/a3947749-What-are-the-signs-that-your-colleague-fancies-you?msgid=97726798#97726798

Wow!No wonder your poor friend is keeping his distance!Your either confused or want the best of both!

SionnachGlic · 27/06/2020 10:12

OP

Are you considering a r'ship with a colleague....if this thread is real, then leave your old friend well alone. He deserves much better than you...

Spied · 27/06/2020 10:16

I think he's realised he's just been kept on a leash all these years as a kind of insurance policy in case nothing better comes along.
He's opened up to you and you obviously like him to be friends all these years, but he's not quite what you are looking for so you keep him dangling in case he comes in handy.

I think he's probably expressed his feelings to other friends and they've advised him to keep away from you- or he's had a long, hard look at the situation and realised this for himself.

I'd leave him alone. Hopefully he's found someone who makes him feel great about himself and who won't make him feel like they're 'settling' for him. (As I'm sure he'd feel this after all the years he wasn't what you were looking for if you suddenly expressed your new desire for a relationship)

Dragonembroidery · 27/06/2020 10:19

Poor op
Don't listen to the mean girls.
Just go after your man. Decide which one 😁
Or go for both.

Have fun! We were all 23 once, but the shrews above seem to have forgotten what it was like!

romdowa · 27/06/2020 10:21

My advice is to just ask him straight out what is going on. Then you know where you stand 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

overnightangel · 27/06/2020 10:24

I think he did continue to like me throughout university. The complicated thing is that I've realised in the last few months that I like him, and would like for us to give it a go romantically. This is what i had planned to say when we were going to meet up, but of course this didn't happen because he kept cancelling

Tell him this

istheresomethingishouldknow · 27/06/2020 10:29

Based on your other thread and your posts here, it kind of sounds like you just want a boyfriend, any boyfriend. Perhaps your 'friend' is getting this feeling, too, and doesn't want to be someone who will 'just do'?

Dragonembroidery · 27/06/2020 10:31

Tell him:
Anthony(insert name here), I really miss you x
Why are you not responding to my messages? I can't stop thinking about you and I did something silly! I put on mumsnet!!! that I've got feelings about you (which I have! xxx) and they said I should tell you...
They said I could pop round?

Can I come round to talk xx

Love from op

WhatLizzyDid · 27/06/2020 11:32

No one knows what he is thinking. I agree that you could just pop round and say ‘Hi! I’ve missed you’ and take it from there. Good luck 😉

Yesmate · 27/06/2020 11:36

Of course you are not being unreasonable I’m not knowing why he has cut you off. If you don’t know you don’t know. You unreasonable to expect a group of strangers in the internet to know.

DrManhattan · 27/06/2020 13:04

Breadcrumbing

Greydove28 · 27/06/2020 15:42

@HowLongCanICallitBabyWeight

If you've realised you do like him in that way it's your turn to stick your neck out.. You would rather have done it face to face but can't, just message him saying you really need to talk to him, you miss him and it's made you think about your relationship. If he's seeing someone else you might get rejected, but that's the worst that can happen and you've rejected him a number of times already. Fwiw I've known DH since we were eleven, we hooked up a couple of times as teenagers but always brushed it off as silly, had a few too many drinks etc, both went off to uni and came back to live in our hometown after, both in relationships, split within six months of each other, still took another six months and a raucous Halloween party for anything to happen and another year of no we're not really in a relationship (we definitely were) , it can be a bit scary when there's a lot to lose. We're now married and have a child.
Aww Lovely story!
Euclid · 27/06/2020 15:56

OP you are a complete idiot. One minute you ask for advice about a colleague and now you are asking advice about an old friend. You obviously just want a boyfriend. The old friend knows you well and has the sense to realise that you are flaky. Leave him alone.

stealm · 27/06/2020 18:41

Maybe your old friend has got to know you only too well over the years and feels like he is your Plan B man. You certainly seem to be looking around at what's out there if your thread about your colleague is anything to go by. If this friend was the one for you, you wouldn't be posting about whether your colleague fancies you or not.

Leave your old friend alone to find someone who wants him as her Plan A man.

supadupapupascupa · 27/06/2020 19:14

I think we should show a little understanding. Op says she is 23. At that age everything is new and confusing and hormones are rife! It's all about partners etc!

GinDrinker00 · 27/06/2020 19:19

Maybe he’s moved on and doesn’t want to tell you? Either way good luck just ring him.

Sooobooored · 27/06/2020 19:22

You can like more than one person when you’re single!

stealm · 27/06/2020 19:24

You can like more than one person when you’re single!
You can. That's true. But it sounds like she's stringing this guy along which isn't really fair.