Husband thinks I'm BU, am I??

[BearPomBear]

He really blew his top at me because I failed to tell him a £200 refund was paid to my bank account today. It completely slipped my mind to tell him as I've been wfh all day. He said I'm "slippery" and have effectively stolen the money from him. The refund is from TUI as a goodwill gesture for change of flights. Because DH paid for the holiday he is super angry that I have received the refund. Like being really nasty to my face and continously asking why I didn't tell him. I just don't get it :(

He sounds horrible. Is he usually like this?

Sounds like an arse tbh

He can be. We've been together 24 years and it's been up and down but tonight I saw a side to him again that I hate. I'm considering leaving him again but that means leaving my home

i'd tell him it was my leaving fund and that i will be adding to it frequently!

'super angry' 'blew his top' and 'nasty' mean i would not be joking!

Whilst not diminishing it; leaving home seems like a small price to pay to not have to be on the receiving end of his anger again

He doesn't value you very much, does he? Why are you living this way?

Honestly in a healthy relationship this wouldn’t even be an issue. Why is he so concerned about you forgetting to mention the money going in? Is he controlling financially?

How did Tui get your bank details if he paid for the holiday?

There's definitely more to this than you're telling us. As PP have said, why would the money be refunded into your account if he's the one that paid?

Are you safe?

Thank you x The thing is I've been here so many times before but keep going back. When we're getting on ok things are good but as soon as he acts like this I actually wish he was dead. I know that sounds horrific but I can't help it. He's always made it so difficult for me in that he refuses to leave our home so I end up leaving. I can temporarily move in with my daughter but I have a 10 year old DS and only work part time so feel completely unable to find anywhere more permanent for me and my son

He’s horrible and doesn’t like or trust you. I couldn’t be with him. Home or not.

I think you should leave him!

Can you get some legal advice? About how finances would be split and where you stand?

This is not normal. I don't often check my bank account so I wouldn't notice a repayment for a while. Surely that is normal? He sounds awful.

Yes I'm safe x I paid part of the holiday deposit back in January on my bank card and the rest he paid via direct debit. TUI obviously chose to refund to my card

Thanks for helping me feel I'm not over reacting. He is gonna hate me for leaving, he never lets me forget howI ruined his life when I left before but always fails to see I left because of him :(

You only had the refund in your account for one day, what is slippery about that? He doesn't sound like a nice person.

What a horrible man. What does he think you’re going to do with the money?

Wow everything is about him isn’t it?!

We have a lovely, large council home which is in my name after I left before and gained it back via occupation order. But he believes it's his right to have the home as he was the original council tenant when I met him. Often tells me I've stolen it from him. Like I say, I love my home so much but just can't go through what I went through before so would just rather give it up but don't know where we'd live long term

Equally though he does really look after me, as I'm often reminded. I'm so confused if I'm honest

Doesn’t matter what he believes or if you have stolen it or not.

It’s in your name he goes. Tough shit if he doesn’t like it.

Because we're married it's equally ours

Don't give it up, it's a flat in your name, you won't get another if you give it up.
If it's solely in your name contact the council and get advice about giving him notice and get him out.
Is child benefit in your name?
Consider applying for UC if you aren't on it already. You can use website ' entitled to' to estimate the benefits you'd receive as a lone parent.
Stay strong x