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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband thinks I'm BU, am I??

97 replies

BearPomBear · 26/06/2020 22:36

He really blew his top at me because I failed to tell him a £200 refund was paid to my bank account today. It completely slipped my mind to tell him as I've been wfh all day. He said I'm "slippery" and have effectively stolen the money from him. The refund is from TUI as a goodwill gesture for change of flights. Because DH paid for the holiday he is super angry that I have received the refund. Like being really nasty to my face and continously asking why I didn't tell him. I just don't get it :(

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 26/06/2020 23:01

Why would you give the house up?
It’s in your name and you have your son to think of (you don’t want him living with his dad).
Kick him out. If he doesn’t go, get the police to remove him. Keep the £200 tell him it’s compensation for putting up with his shit for so long.

EKGEMS · 26/06/2020 23:02

He's a nasty,angry asshole of a bully!

Atthebottomofthegarden · 26/06/2020 23:03

He sounds nasty. Accusing you of stealing it after 24 years together?

You need to get some advice about kicking him out. Solicitors? Women’s aid? Someone will be along who knows who best to ask advice from soon, I’m sure.

Original poster
BearPomBear · 26/06/2020 23:03

He has as much right to be here as I do. Last time he had to move out he slept in his car as refused to rent anywhere. Made me feel guilty so took him back

OP posts:
NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 26/06/2020 23:05

I don't believe a company would refund an account other than the one from which they received the money. OP, can you explain how this came about?

Original poster
BearPomBear · 26/06/2020 23:05

He literally does everything, the shopping, the housework, washing etc. I've given up doing any of it as he thinks he does it best.

OP posts:
Original poster
BearPomBear · 26/06/2020 23:06

I paid the £500 deposit on my card. The remaining £3k he paid Direct debit from his account

OP posts:
LillianBland · 26/06/2020 23:06

@BearPomBear

He has as much right to be here as I do. Last time he had to move out he slept in his car as refused to rent anywhere. Made me feel guilty so took him back
He refused, because he knew you’d let him back. He slept in his car to make you feel guilty. Does your son witness this abusive and controlling behaviour?
CheshireChat · 26/06/2020 23:07

If the house is your name, you'd be mad to leave it! Particularly as it's lovely and lower rent hopefully which will obviously help if you won't have his income anymore.

If you can't find the strength for yourself, imagine having to move your son around as you let your ex stay in the council house.

Sunnydayshereatlast · 26/06/2020 23:07

I have read here that council assume rights to the parent and dc who would be living in it. Your name on already should make it easier to get him out imo.

OhioOhioOhio · 26/06/2020 23:07

I used to be you. It doesn't make sense because he makes it not make sense. You are worth so much more than the life he is making you accept. I got rid of my bastard h 4 years ago and I still can't make sense of it. But it was wrong.

Original poster
BearPomBear · 26/06/2020 23:08

Yes he does, as did our older children but they've now left home. But it happens very rarely now

OP posts:
NotEverythingIsBlackandWhite · 26/06/2020 23:08

Sorry OP, Ivan see you have explained how you paid so I understand why they may have refunded the money to you.

LillianBland · 26/06/2020 23:09

@BearPomBear

He literally does everything, the shopping, the housework, washing etc. I've given up doing any of it as he thinks he does it best.
That’s controlling behaviour to make you feel incompetent and reliant on him. He’s really got you under his control, hasn’t he. Do you want to spend the rest of your life under his control and your child growing up to control another woman like this. You deserve better and so does your son.
Original poster
BearPomBear · 26/06/2020 23:12

The thing is, and this will sound a bit mad but I honestly don't think he has the intelligence to purposely be controlling if that makes sense? I think he's just an arsehole full stop. We're worlds apart when it comes to our personalities

OP posts:
OhioOhioOhio · 26/06/2020 23:21

You are bored. Leave him because of that.

IAmReportingYouForBBQing · 26/06/2020 23:21

If the tendency is in your name, it's in YOUR NAME. It isn't an asset to be split equally as you don't own it. The person on the tenancy has a legal obligation to post the rent. That's it. He has no rights.

Go to your Gp. Ten then everything and how it's made you feel. He's financial abuse, rants at you and calls you names. Then can women's aid and talk to them. They may tell you to contact the domestic violence team on your local police. Then you can get rid of him guilt free. Get him out and totally 100% cut him out if your life. You honestly think a 10 year old kid should be raised in that mess? And don't " the kid didn't even know, he's great with the kids " because I promise you, the kid DOES know and is literally learning every day that this is hope you treat people and this is what people you love do to each other.

Jaxhog · 26/06/2020 23:21

Yes you are. Put yourself in his shoes, How happy would you be if HE got the refund for a holiday YOU paid for?

GabsAlot · 26/06/2020 23:24

he abused you so long you think its normal of course its controlling

and no he doesnt have a right to a council house in your name

GabsAlot · 26/06/2020 23:26

@jaxhog wtf?

Nat6999 · 26/06/2020 23:28

Your name is on the tenancy, you've just as much right to be there, I would tell him to get stuffed & make him move out.

geekone · 26/06/2020 23:29

@Jaxhog

Yes you are. Put yourself in his shoes, How happy would you be if HE got the refund for a holiday YOU paid for?
Really, that’s where you go with this? She got refunded, today and didn’t tell him quickly enough. They are married also so what does it matter, you think he should be shouting in her face @Jaxhog? You think for the sake of £200 not being transferred in under 24 hours he should treat her like shit on a shoe?

OP, it all sounds really difficult for you. If it is a council house can you make yourself homeless until a new one comes up? Take you DS with you? Your DH is really coercive please do what you can to leave. Good luck.

feelslikeimgoingmad · 26/06/2020 23:30

If it’s a council house and the tenancy is only in your name then married or not he does t have equal rights to it

When I married Dh I called the council to add him as a joint tenant and they told me not to said if ever he left or I had to the tendency round be broken and he wasn’t a joint tenant automatically by marriage
They also told me for rights of succession as it’s a secure lifetime tenancy it would be better to let it go to one of my children as the eldest was nearly 18. They seemed to really want to protect my rights just in case

FortniteBoysMum · 26/06/2020 23:33

Contact your local council or call the police if it's in your name they can remove him from the property. Change the locks. If you decide not to go down that route go straight to your local council and see about emergency housing options.

justasking111 · 26/06/2020 23:34

I only check my account once a month when paying off credit card so would have no idea that any monies had gone in.

How on earth did he know that it had gone into your account anyway does he have access to your bank details??

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