To think you don't love your pets half as much once you have kids

[ishouldtryabitmoreachday]

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

We got a kitten a few weeks ago... it's a toss up who I love more some days 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm rather surprised that anyone thinks love works that way. As PP have said, it isn't a finite resource.

Furthermore, I'm pretty go smacked that there are people who think dogs should fall down the pecking order after kids. Kids are not a reason or an excuse to treat your animals worse. When DD was born she was out in the sling with me in all weathers walking my dogs. Now she's older she knows the rules: we do nothing until remaining Ddog is fed and walked. That's is job #1. Every. Single. Day.

It's not hard and it doesn't take long.

I love my dog and he is my shadow.

He does not ask me to spell anything, ask me anything, or as DS did this evening get him a drink because I happen to be up and he sat in a nearer room to the kitchen than him--

My cats are still arseholes and I am hoping they are not going to kill me while the dog, their slave, watches on

I think it depends. I’ve always been pretty level headed with our dog even though we had him pre kids. So he gets the same level of love and affection. I have close friends whose world revolves around their dog it has a wardrobe and new toys each week. . This can’t possibly continue post children simply due to time commitment!

Some people shouldn’t have pets. Having children is no excuse to give your pets any less care and attention. You make time.

Well everyone has their own place in your life. I love my cats just as much as i used to before having kids.

Some strange responses on here OP. People love their pets as much as their children? Really?! That’s awful! Our DDog is part of the family, we all love him, but he’s our pet, not our child. YANBU, you still care for him and love him but it’s a different love... I think that’s healthy!

I have 3 dogs and love them all but not in the same way as my children, it’s a different type of love.
Once I had children I didn’t love the dog(s) any less but they did take a back seat at times. My dogs are very well adjusted to family life now, I can’t stand dogs who have to be centre of attention at all time’s!

@FudgeBrownie2019
Exactly. My dog is 100% on my side. The dc? Not so much

I posted a thread about this a few weeks ago and also got flamed. My feelings for my cat changed after I had my son. And it wasn’t just that my love reduced, I actively felt irritated by him because the poor thing acted up really badly. I obviously realise it wasn’t his fault that he was jealous of the baby, but he started scratching the furniture, eating all our food, he did a wee in my baby’s cot...as a new mum struggling with a newborn it was too much for me to take. He was always very well looked after and two years on I am so pleased we have him as my son adores him, but I don’t have the love that I once did for him. It’s not something I like or that I can help.

How can anyone put a dog before their child?

Yanbu. A pet is not more important or lovable than a human child.

I have to admit I agree OP. Before DS my cats were my world, afterwards not quite as much especially when he was a very clingy baby. Now DS is older I have a lot more time for the cats again. Never stopped loving the cats and caring for them but it’s not the same.

I think you're looking at it the wrong way.

You love your dog the same it's just nothing compares to the love you have for your children so it seems like you love his less now.

I would die for my son but I wouldn't die for a pet because then my son would be without his mum. And I don't think anyone can debate that.

This thread is peak Mumsnet dog nutter

🤣

I often suspect teenage girls definitely love our aging cocker spaniel more than they love me or DH!

But Yabu. I too often prefer the dog.

I love the way the OP is the devil incarnate for not loving her pets more then her dc.

A friend asked me soon after I'd given birth if I still felt the same about my cat and I said I did, but I've realised I don't. I love her (and the rest of the brood) more.

There were someone's baby, they had a mother who loved them, and it's my duty to her to love them as much as I can, and it is my privilege to do so. They are all members of my family, and I love them all to bits (and tell them so on a daily basis).

I have only read the first few pages I admit but the reaction is hilarious! OP still loves them and treats them right. It’s hardly a ‘horrendous’ post to quote one poster.

@lemmathelemmin there is still one thread from years ago that haunts me where people said they would save their pet in a fire over someone else’s child.

@HarrietM87

I posted a thread about this a few weeks ago and also got flamed. My feelings for my cat changed after I had my son. And it wasn’t just that my love reduced, I actively felt irritated by him because the poor thing acted up really badly. I obviously realise it wasn’t his fault that he was jealous of the baby, but he started scratching the furniture, eating all our food, he did a wee in my baby’s cot...as a new mum struggling with a newborn it was too much for me to take. He was always very well looked after and two years on I am so pleased we have him as my son adores him, but I don’t have the love that I once did for him. It’s not something I like or that I can help.

I feel the same and I've never posted as I knew I'd get my arse handed to me despite it being one of the things I've struggled with most. I'd be nice to be able to discuss it without people becoming hysterical. Post about how you hate having kids or hate your husband and you'll get pages of people agreeing but find your pet annoying and you are evil personified. I am not going to re-home my dog because as much as I'd like to not have a dog, I'm able to adequately meet his needs and I don't think it's responsible to put another dog into rescue unnecessarily.

I loved my dog so much prebaby, I took him all over on walks and loved time with him, he was my baby. Now honestly he's just a dog and whilst he isn't going anywhere I cannot wait until I dont have any pets. I'm fed up of the dirt, him waking up the whole house twating about at 4am, spending all naps on a knife edge in case a crisp packet blows past the window and sets him off barking. He has become just a pet, he's well cared for but he is not the priority in our house. I was a total animal lover before and now I'm just not bothered. I've had no control over how these feelings have changed and I never anticipated it.

Ffs! A pet is a pet and a child is a child! Totally incomparable. I definitely loved my husband less after having my child though

Think exh loves the dog more. hence exh

I would die for my son but I wouldn't die for a pet because then my son would be without his mum. And I don't think anyone can debate that

It’s Mumsnet I’m quite sure some could and probably will

Of course I couldn’t give the cat the same attention. He would follow me everywhere sit on top of me as soon as I said down, sleep next to me (or on top) and when ds was a baby he was in a sling much of the time and slept in my bed the cat wasn’t allowed into the bedroom until ds was older (or only under strict supervision)

The cat has certainly made up for that time since

Love isn't a finite resource. You don't have to take some away from one to give it to another.

That said, love isn't one emotion. It's an umbrella term. Romantic love, parental love (from and to), love for your pets. He'll, some days I have a stronger feeling of love for chocolate than I do for my husband 😁
The problem here is that love is an inadequate word trying to do too many jobs.

That to me is like saying you don't love your first child as much when you have a second child. Very sad.