To think you don't love your pets half as much once you have kids

[ishouldtryabitmoreachday]

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

@FudgeBrownie2019

YABU. Love isn't a finite resource - you don't have to stop loving a pet so you can give the love quota to your DC. You just love the DC and continue to love the pets.

We have two DC and two dogs. There are moments I love the dogs more to be honest because never once during lockdown have they walked in on me on a video call in their pants and loudly proclaimed they need v-bucks.

You just dont have the time to sit and be friends with your dog as you did and they can't be around you all the time as they would gave been before hence they've become a dog as opposed to your by your side companion. I totally get what you're saying. Yanbu (and I cant believe anyone is saying you shouldn't be a dog owner!)

Yanvu...my pets are part of the family. Do you feel worried your dog might hurt dc ...even if out of character?

Nope DDog came after DC and is very much loved.

YABVVVU

It is not obligatory to love your pets at any time, as long as you look after them properly, giving them enough care and attention. Rest assured the dog is fine and has no idea.

I don't have any pets right now, but I am a dog lover.
I would definitely love a dog if I had one. It would be treated well and cared for.
I have to agree with the op though: children come first. I love my children more than I love anyone or anything. It is a love that can't be compared to anything else.
For example, if I could only save the life of my children, husband, pet or even myself, I would save my children without a second thought.
I'm pretty sure my husband would say the same.

YANBU, OP. There's nothing wrong with caring less about a pet after the arrival of a child. It puts things into perspective. If you don't want to keep the dog, then don't feel obligated to, however if you aren't considering getting rid of it, as long as it's looked after, there's no issue to your "love lessening". It's a dog after all, not a person.

I think the type of people who don’t love their pets as much after they have children are the type of people who post on social media about how amazing their husbands and kids are, and how much they love them. #blessed.

Id had my dog 12yrs before i had my first child and i adored her, i couldnt wait to get home from the hospital to see her after id had a c section. I didnt love her any less.

No, I love my dog exactly the same as before I had my daughter. Dog is just as involved in everything. She gets more affection now because my daughter loves her and plays with her too.

I've heard that said and think it may be because there is less time when children arrive. I had pets after kid so not same.

I'm with you OP. Exactly the same for me too. I don't think my love changed just my perspective because my love for my children was so all encompassing!

Mumsnet is insane sometimes- it's not the real world. People who are obsessed with their dogs freak me out. I loved my dog but the obsession with them I think is very unhealthy and says a lot about the person. Of course your perspective changed and so it should. Your dog is a dog and your child is a child. You are a good mum and the real world would agree with you! Ignore the weirdos!

Going further, I've even heard of people getting rid of previously adored pets when they have a child because they can't cope with both. I suppose they can't help it but I'm glad I waited to have pets so that they were my child's pets, not just mine.

Someone was on here yesterday saying that they wanted to drive their kids in a car somewhere and dump them (not looking for mental health support, or citing awful circumstances, just being fed up), and there was page after page of people saying they've felt the same way and poor OP. This OP says she loves feels a bit differently about her dog, but still loves and cares for him, and gets 8 pages of pasting.

People on here are bloody ridiculous about dogs and I say that as a dog lover.

I agree OP. I had two cats before I had kids, I treated them like my children.

Then I had two children very close together. My cats are still very well cared for and have everything they need but I see them as just cats now. My kids are more important and any time I once spent fussing over the cats I spend with my children, I just don’t have the time to devote to my pets as I once did.

Hopefully when they are a bit older and I can trust them not to pull the cats tails or fur the kids can get involved in their care and they will be more central to the family but that’s a few years off.

I can’t believe some people on here are suggesting the OP is being neglectful of her dog because she doesn’t love it as much as her kids!

As an aside, doesn't anybody else think it's weird that when there are threads saying 'AIBU for wanting to lock my kids in a room and run?' all the stressed out mums say 'hear hear! Have a gin!', but if somebody was to say 'AIBU to not feel the same about my dog as I used to?' They would be burnt alive? It seems either highly irrational or disingenuous.

Yes! One of the oddities of Mumsnet, you can express all sorts of difficult, complicated feelings towards your children and get sympathy, advice and told that you sound like a great mum anyway.

Dare to admit any such feelings towards pets, no matter how well cared for they are and you're jumped on by 100 people telling you that you're the scum of the earth!

No, I don't understand your feelings at all.
I couldn't love my dogs anymore if I'd given birth to them...

This thread is peak Mumsnet dog nutter.

Totally. You people are crazy

Before I had my DC, my pet was my ‘baby’. Lots of fuss and treats etc. I still love her very much but I don’t and can’t spend as much time with her. She’s still very much cared for.

@JuanNil @Stuckforthefourthtime, exactly what I was thinking! The op has said the dog is very well cared for, just the feeling has changed a bit. I think that's really normal. I have a cat, so it's different, but I remember crying when we got home with the baby because I thought the cat felt put out by it all. After a few weeks it all settled down. I don't have quite as much time for him as I'd like, but he's happy, fussed, fed, first sign he is even a little out of sorts, the vet is called. But I definitely love my baby more. I find it weird (not in a good way) that people coming here saying they feel like they don't love/can't cope with their children get pages of 'be kind to yourself' 'they're fed and warm, that's all they need' and yet this op is basically being burned at the stake for feeling a bit different about, but still looking after, a pet. 🤷‍♀️

I'm not saying it's wrong to support parents who are struggling, of course we should, but I just find the difference in replies / attitudes between those threads and this one is a bit jarring.

Bullshit, I love my dogs more.

@eugh

YANBU - you now feel unconditional love. And it's a completely different love altogether.

People who class their pet as their babies are weird.

Yup, exactly

My love for my cats has not changed.

I love my dog the same, but have so much guilt that I have less time for him.

If anything I actually love him more, seeing how lovely he is with our DD (3).