To think you don't love your pets half as much once you have kids

[ishouldtryabitmoreachday]

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

My dog is a bloody legend, my kids think so too. He has been with me through everything, including having the kids. I feel sorry for you dog.

Its deeply disturbing to me that people find it odd to love your child more than an animal? Your poor kids..

I felt like that about my cat. Before kids she was my baby, totally loved her, after kids not as much. I think mostly I didn't have any emotional energy for her any more. It didn't help that she wasn't keen on the children. I still cared for her and still loved her, but not in the same way as before children.

YANBU - seen it many times over with friends and their 'fur babies' which all changes once an actual baby comes along. It's only natural Op.

I agree OP! My dog was our baby, then we had a baby and now he’s just the dog! He has a very good life though and we are fond of him. He’s a happy little thing. He’s not my baby and that’s OK. I wonder what people saying we shouldn’t have dogs would have me do then? He was adored when we adopted him, he is settled and happy and has a good life. Should we be revoking him now because we love our child more? Of course not!

*rehoming not revoking

I don't think this is true for many people. I know several couples with a dog and they are definitely loved, or at least treated the same as they were before children. One woman says she prefers the dog as her child is being a total nightmare at the moment. Another said they love it more seeing how much their child has bonded with it and how it is their best friend.

Considering how we have weekly hysterical threads from people distraught that a dog has dared to sniff their child upon passing them and want to nuke them all from space, I don't think you're alone OP.

Look at it a different way OP. You loved your dog before kids- treated him / her like a human, instagram etc. It sounds like a child substitute - you may have been broody but not in the right place for a child so got a dog. I have seen many women do this before kids. Nothing wrong with that, but it’s filling a hole- a part of you that craves something to look after.
Now you have actual children. Your desire has been fulfilled and then some. You have your hands full with actual humans who need you 24/7. You still love your dog, but the love for your children has gone way beyond what you ever felt for your dog. And so it should be! If anyone said they would put their love for their dog above their child it would need a call to social services!
Your priorities have changed and that’s fine and natural. It’s like when you speak to a woman before they have kids and think they know all the answers and how they are going to do things when they have kids. Everything shifts! It doesn’t mean you can’t give your dog the best life and still enjoy having him.

Loving a pet and loving a child are completely different things; I can’t see why your love for your pet would diminish with the birth of a child as it isn’t the same kind of love! You’re not ‘replacing’ the love, you’re finding a whole new kind of love. You can love your baby more than anything else in the world but that shouldn’t mean you stop loving your dog.

There isn’t some love quota that has to be shared between dog and child what a weird thread.

It’s a bit like saying you don’t love your parents as much after you get married. You’re not replacing one with the other so you can continue to love your parents/dog/cat/hamster/whatever the same as you always have whilst adding a different, totally separate and incomparable kind of love.

I loved my cats the same once I had DC but loved my DC more, but my cats were never a child substitute. The truth is that when you have a baby you dont have as much time for a pet and if its a cat you have they will quite possibly run for the hills when a baby arrives. However so.long as you care for your pet in the same way and give it as much attention as you can I dont think it makes you a bad owner

@GarlicMcAtackney children grow up and develop and learn language and you can toilet train them, teach them to wash their hands, tell them not to put certain things in their mouths etc etc. I never had worms as a child because my parents taught me basic hygiene and I only had lice twice. You can’t explain to a dog they can’t roll in fox shit because they’ll get dirty or they can’t eat certain things even if they’re well trained. And you definitely can’t tell a cat not to hunt rodents. They are animals, not humans and it’s perfectly ok to recognise this significant difference while still loving your pets. It’s so stupid to try and suggest children are as unhygienic as pets.

Well I feel like this about pets in general now but never felt it against my own dog at the time... I’d never get another pet now I have kids as if anything else woke me up at 5am miaowing it shat up the walls then I’d just put them straight into a lasagne

fur babies

Garlic, you are pretty vile

Nope. Still absolutely bonkers for my dogs. And luckily for me, my boys (ages 8 and 6) are also dog obsessed and dote on our three dogs.

I agree in some sense as you have less time to devote to them and maybe lose sight of them as you're so focused on your kids, at least when they are very small.
I will say that I never realized how much I truly loved my dog until we had to put him down. I cried and apologized for not giving him enough attention. He was such a beautiful soul.
Please try and take some time for your dog. They love us so much and we are their world..

This thread is absolutely chock full of fucking nutters.

I get it OP, although I never considered my dogs my babies, nor would I ever refer to them as fur babies or refer to myself as a dog mum 🙄. They are my dogs, lovely dogs but still a pet, not a child.

And yes, when I had my babies I found them far more of an inconvenience - I look after them, walk them, give them cuddles and speak sweetly to them, but totally get where you're coming from.

I don't have any pets. I have done in the past before I had children. I really can't compare the feeling of watching something you've literally created develop and learn every day to the feeling of snuggling with a pet. They're both very different types of affection. If you're asking who you'd rescue from a fire if you had to choose... well, I won't bother continuing with that.

I really can't say you're being unreasonable to feel a different bond with your child than you do with your pet. I'm also sure that if you felt your pet was no longer getting the care and attention it deserved that you would find him or her a new forever home.

As an aside, doesn't anybody else think it's weird that when there are threads saying 'AIBU for wanting to lock my kids in a room and run?' all the stressed out mums say 'hear hear! Have a gin!', but if somebody was to say 'AIBU to not feel the same about my dog as I used to?' They would be burnt alive? It seems either highly irrational or disingenuous...

And also, how many women on this site would actually have their fannies ripped to shreds and then stitched back up to bring a new dog into the home?

Actually don't tell me, I don't think I want to know.

I understand what you mean. My husband got our dog when the kids were very young, I used to love dogs, but struggle with ours. I think its because of how difficult the dog has made my life.

That's awful. X

The dramatics on this post are amazing.
It's just a dog. Cared for and walked.
Ok the op thinks she might not love it as much as she thought. Would be weird if she did.
Agree with poster who said it's fine for people to post longing does time when they're child free but say you dream of dog free day and you get told you're vile, the RSPCA should turn up, never own a pet again, poor animal.
Crazy