To think you don't love your pets half as much once you have kids

[ishouldtryabitmoreachday]

We have a dog. We had him a couple of years before I had a baby. We'd had a previous dog together and my parents had a dog when I was in my teens. But I just don't love my dog like I did before I had kids.

My dog is looked after, he's walked twice a day, groomed and wormed, flea stuff and is part of the family. He goes most places with us, but I just don't have that love I had before I had kids. It's hard to explain, is it just me .. AIBU?

I agree with the OP that it changes - my various younger adult pets were much more like peers in my mind than my pets post-baby, which are firmly dependants (obviously both pre and post baby they all had all their needs met and received affection etc).
In a bizarre reflection of this, I owned a couple of soft toys pre baby that were just soft toys but now there are at least 6 or 7 soft toys in our house that have personalities sufficiently fixed and dominant that I might greet them as a person on catching sight of one even without a child present.

I understand your principle behind it op, your children will always come first and be loved more than anyone and anything. Before kids your dog was your world now he isn’t. As long as you still meet his needs and care about him I don’t think there’s anything wrong with how you feel. Now, parents who love their animals more than their children made me feel quite sad especially when it’s obvious (I personally know a few who treat their pets better then their children and it’s heartbreaking to see)

Sort of Agree OP.
I still love my pets but when you have a baby you realise the pets are pets, not your children. Pre-baby my pets were my babies. Now I realise they aren’t. I still love them and adore them and it’s just that I love them differently - there’s a bond with your children you never get with a pet - which is totally natural and ok.

I think u do love him op, you wouldn't be concerned and posting I don't think if you didn't. I think like pp have said, you think you are obsessed and madly in love with ur pet until you have a baby, there's no love like it! X

I probably love my cat and DD the same. I must admit that I treat them very similarly, (kiss, cuddle, sing songs to and play with) I make a point to spend time brushing my cat and fussing over him once DD is in bed so he gets similar attention. I may be a bit of a 'crazy cat lady' but I have had my cat 6 years before DD was born, he was my rock at one time before I met DP. In a fire I'd still probably save him over DP (luckily DP is a firefighter anyway) although I'd get DD out then go back for the cat.

@LastRoloIsMine

We've had our dog 5 years now and we have teenagers now. Me and dh honestly lavish more affection on the dog, because he loves it, We definitely spend more time with him!

You lavish more time and attention on your dog than your children and you see this as a good thing?

Well my teens are totally loved and get huge amounts of attention and time. What I mean is, being teenagers they want their space and time away from us, and yes they're not always pleased to see us or want to go out on a long walk. That's why the dog spends More time with us and we lavish our childish affections on him.

This is why we decided to get him when the kids were older and we had more time for him.

But if you'd like to twist me into a dog-crazed psychopath who neglects and abuses her (nearly adult) children then knock yourself out.

Your poor dog. I loved my cats every inch as much when my DD came along. They're part of the family!

What an awful post. Even if you don’t love your dog as much, why would you announce it?

Yea! What if the dog reads it 🙃

Hairy dogs ugh. Spent more on vacuums than on us to get rid of their moulting back in the day. LOL.

Oh and if you now have a dog, do you REALLY relish an hours walk morning and evening even if you are feeling shit and it is cold and wet outside. That sounds like a lot of time given to a dog to me!. DH did all that when we had the pooch but happy to have done that and moved on to freedom now.

I’m surprised to be in the minority, but I’m with you. Got cats and love those little guys, but I don’t fuss and worry about them like I did before I had kids. They’re still well looked after and loved and the kids love them, but I realise before that they were my surrogate babies and once I had children their place was usurped.

I wonder if this applies to the really naturally maternal people who just lavish that affection on a pet until they have a child who is more demanding of their time and energy.

Not a criticism btw, just wondering.

Also, people have said to me that having a pet is good preparation for a (young) child. They lied.

Oh yes and echo what PP’s have said about cleanliness - suddenly when your baby is crawling round putting everything in its mouth and you think you’ve got a clean floor but then your cat walks in, plonks it’s arse on the floor, sheds a load of fluff, coughs up a hair ball and pees in the corner... as if supervising a rugrat wasn’t enough! Just normal animal behaviour obviously and my baby absolutely loves the cats and they like him too but it’s added work. I think it’s just babies and animals really don’t mix. Far nicer when the children are older and can help out like feed the cats and walk the dog

A lot of people are being harsh. She treated it like a baby more that a dog obviously. Its not her 'baby' anymore she had a real human baby and realized actually he is a dog and should be treated as a dog not a child. Let's face it the dog is probably much happier to be treated as a dog than a her 'baby.' I've always treated my dog as a dog before kids and I love him very much, but it's nothing like my love for my kids.

Nope. Not me.

Danni If you seriously love your cat and your DD 'the same' I feel really sorry for your DD 😔

Nope. Had our dog two years before DD and he's the source of much annoyance to her because I won't allow her to so much as criticise a hair on his head and his needs come first because he can't advocate or speak up for himself like she can.

I think this happens when people get pets because they don't have kids yet.

We got our ddog after kids and I fucking love that dog. Some days more than my kids tbh 🤣🤣 so can't relate but I see this so much in FTPs.

Op yanbu. Animals have a place in the human hierarchy. The pet. Historically they help hunt. Then their predecessor wolves died out. Frankly I'm not sure why we breed them these days. I guess for companionship that cant be found in another human being, which is nice and sad at same time.

Ignore the people who think pets are directly comparable to your own children. They like that dogs dont talk back and stay like a well trained toddler forever. That is conditional love. They might even save the dog before the children from a fire for that reason.

I had a dog before children and I loved it as a pet.

I really liked having a kitten and a baby, but I do feel sorry for the cat a bit as I didn't have that much energy for her.

She's convinced she should have the same privileges as the kid though .

I have a friend who loved loved loved her cats. She worried she would love them less when she had her baby. She did. She still cared for them, but all that overflowing love she had Prechild was absorbed by her baby. It is totally normal.

Sounds like you were a bit fixated on the dog before kids. It's ok, the dog doesn't know his instagram following has dropped and loving him as a dog Is much better for him.

Noone loves their dog as much as their child, doesn't mean they dont still love the dog.

@ProudMarys 🙌 although, not sure my dog likes not being able to get on the sofa anymore. Now I would of thought MN wouldn't allow pets on sofas, but I'm not sure I know anything anymore.

I have often said to my husband if we split I will take my car and the dogs. (Lighthearted) I don't love my fur babies less. Maybe more as I have to protect them from 2 toddlers now.

YANBU and I can’t actually believe some of these replies! Madness!!

I felt the same about our cats.

Have a 5yo ds and had ddog for 3yrs before ds arrived. I love ddog just as much now as i did when i adopted him. Ds has grew up with him and loves him to bits. We also now have dpup who we also love to bits. I love my son and my dogs equally as they are my family