To want him to reduce his weed use?

[9millioncansofbeans]

I rekindled a relationship recently with a past love. He is a regularly canabis user - 4-5 joints a day. He told me initially he wanted weed to have less control over him so that if he didn’t have access to it for a few days he would be ok. So I assumed that meant he wanted to cut back. When I asked how I could support him to reduce his use he responded by saying he has no intention of ever stopping or reducing his use and he doesn’t need me making him feel guilty over it. I explained that if we are together long term then that level of use impacts me in terms of holidays, days out etc and I would personally feel much happier if he smoked less ie just morning and evening at least.
He’s not willing to. I feel like it’s me doing all the compromise. I’m worried about future holidays and he wants me to take his word for it that if we ever went on holiday to a country where he couldn’t get weed he would be ok with it.
I would have hoped he would say when he’s with me he won’t smoke during the day just morning and evening. And that he would go a weekend with me without smoking to show me if we went on holiday he could do it. But I’m just meant to believe him and asking him to compromise slightly on his use is unreasonable in his eyes. So now I’m confused about if I’m being unreasonable and controlling to even ask?

I don’t smoke at all btw and I don’t know anyone else who does.

[Gettingthereslowly2020]

Get rid of him love, he's just going to drag you down. You want holidays and fun days out, he just wants to get stoned. Imagine how embarrassing it would be if you went on a nice holiday together and he had to start trying to find a dealer!

You deserve better!

[Nonononon]

holiday together and he had to start trying to find a dealer!

This happened with my ex actually.. 😑

[9millioncansofbeans]

@Gettingthereslowly2020 this is true. I said to him I was worried about days out and gave an example of if we wanted to go to the beach for the day I feel like it would be difficult due to not being able to smoke. I had hoped he would say “don’t be silly, I will smoke in morning and evening and be completely fine” instead he said “don’t be silly if we’re on the beach I would just smoke it there”

[Gettingthereslowly2020]

Oh dear. Definitely dump him! It's not worth the embarrassment.

Also, what would you do if it got serious and moved in together? It's not fair on the neighbours having their garden constantly stinking of weed. I've got no problem with people having the odd joint but your chap seems to have a problem! If you lived together, you'd have to put up with the house stinking of it and then all of your clothes stinking of it even though you don't smoke it.

He sounds like more hassle than he's worth. Find a guy that isn't a stoner and that won't have a negative impact on your quality of life. There are millions of single men out there, what makes him so special?

[Chickychoccyegg]

this sounds shit, i wouldn't even contemplate being in a relationship with this loser.
He's a drug addict, why the hell would you want to date a drug addict? gross!

[hp1990]

My husband is like this and we are currently separated, his weed smoking is a huge contributing factor. It is the bane of my life, he had given up when we met but two years ago he started again and is now heavily addicted. Everyday out he tries to plan around him being able to get back home for a smoke, I find it to be such a grimy, depressing habit, he stinks of it and it makes him boring and senseless. He is a terrible example for our son. If I could give you any advice, it would be to cut ties now and run while you can!

[SugarNyx]

Never date a stoner. They are lazy, lacklustre fun vacuums who will chew you up and spit you out. Took me 3 years to break away from mine and I’ve never looked back. They have no ambition to do anything and before you know it you’ll be just as boring and Isolated as they are.

[GingerBeverage]

You can do better.

[LadyPrigsbottom]

Even if this was a long term partner and future father of your children I would say you probably should break up, seeing as he has said he has no intention of ever cutting back. I mean... EVER?
I knew people at uni who smoked a lot, but they've all long since quit or only do it at weekends.

You have just got (back) together and he's saying he will not even cut back smoking weed so you can go on holiday together. Sorry, but at this point in a relationship, I'd be hoping for a little bit more romance, sweeping off feet than this..?

[WaterOffADucksCrack]

Jesus. I don't have a problem with weed in general but that's a lot. Smoking it in the morning just sets the tone for the day! Doesn't he have a job? I couldn't have had a proper day job when I was smoking a lot.

[LudaMusser]

I hate to think what he's like to be around if he's smoking 4-5 spliffs a day. I used to work with a lad who'd smoked weed for probably most of his life, he was probably mid thirties

Anybody who thinks cannabis doesn't have a long term effect on you is very wrong. His nickname was Razor as he was soooo dopey. It had seriously messed him up

I would walk

[richard1471]

You deserve better. End the relationship.

[avocadoze]

I think you probably can do better than a drug addict, don’t you?

[RandomMess]

Can you not see that he is an addict and has zero interest in changing?

Run for the hills, weed will always be his first love and priority!

[nancybotwinbloom]

Why did you break off with him at first? How long was it until you got back together?

[hopingtobedally]

Do you have kids? Does he?
My general impression of stoners are that they are me me me and think everyone is out to wrong them

[MrsMoastyToasty]

He loves weed more than he loves you. End of.

[9millioncansofbeans]

To answer some questions - I do not have children, he has one who does not live with him. They live with their mum and stay with him every other weekend. When he has his child stay he says he ”only” smokes when they are asleep.

We were together for 6 months properly and broke up 18 months ago.

Reasons were-
I felt too much financial pressure as I got into a habit of lending him money. He had a minimum wage job which he kept walking out of without another lined up. He now runs his own gardening business but I find his frequently telling me he’s cancelled/moved/postponed jobs.

Weed use being too interfering with daily life

He was hard to live with - didn’t like smell of my make up, would only eat food which was cooked in mineral water, didn’t like how I washed up as I used too much washing up liquid etc

He had a temper which he said I over reacted to althoug he does admit he has always been an angry person but apparently none of his ex’s have ever had a problem with it. I actually spoke to one who did say she didn’t think he was that angry but completely lazy with no drive.


When I’ve spoken to him and raised issues he’s often said no ones ever believed in him, he’s gone through a hard time, he hated his jobs, he lost his mum, it’s all his parents fault as if they never moved out of the city he could be living with them rent free. I rarely here him take responsibility for any mistakes in his life.

I can hear you all thinking “why are you back together”

I thought the weed is the route cause of all the above issues and if he would reduce it down then it would all improve. He has a lovely kind, affectionate, supportive side to him. And as he smokes so much for so many years I cannot tell a difference in him post joint. Pre joint he can be grumpy though.

[Twigletfairy]

He has told you he is not willing to reduce how much he smokes. You can't make someone change. You know who he is, you don't like who he is, so why is it still even an issue? Just leave

[Merryoldgoat]

So why are you back together? Does he have a magic cock?

[RandomMess]

Can I shake you to wake you up?

He isn't going to change, he could be nice and decent to you for 6 months!

[LadyPrigsbottom]

angry but completely lazy with no drive.

I used to know someone like this! Yes, they smoked all the damn time. His amazing partner had to not only pay every bill, but also do all cooking and housework. He then somehow dragged himself out of it and he is like a new man. He hasn't been like that for ages.

But, the reason his partner stayed with him was because they had been together a long time and his partner knew what he was like without the weed and, CRUCIALLY, he never said he refused to ever cut down. He always knew it wasn't a good idea to smoke all the time and planned to cut down.

[Regularsizedrudy]

He sounds fucking GRIM

[Regularsizedrudy]

So he has a kid he’s poisoning with 2nd hand smoke, a shit job, a drug habit, a temper, paranoia. Raise your standards Jesus Christ

[Suzie6789]

Come on OP, he’s a complete druggie who doesn’t want to stop and he sounds unreliable AF.