To return my rescue dog?

[Brunomarsbars]

Firstly let me say I don't ta ke this lightly. I never thought I'd be considering returning a dog.

I adopted a young dog at the weekend from a national dog charity. Specifically said on my application that I needed a dog-friendly dog. The dog I was matched with was described as "indifferent" to dogs which sounded fine. Didn't need him to be best friends with every dog he meets, but just not aggressive. He's the loveliest, most adorable dog with humans but I noticed from the word go he was grumpy with dogs. He'd strain at the leash and bark, even when the dogs were some distance away.

Then, he attacked a dog on a walk. He was on his leash but a dog came running up behind him and took him by surprise - he whipped round and bit it, and wouldn't let go. Fortunately the other dog didn't fight back and didn't appear to be too hurt, but mine was desperately fighting to get out of his harness to chase the dog down. It was really shocking.

I finally got a chat with the dog charity behaviourist today who advised it was worrying and concerning as the dog had given no warning signs, just launched straight into a bite. She advised not introducing the dog to my partner's dog yet (fair enough) and that they can do a 'consultation' with him but she can't make any guarantees that he'll improve or ever be ready to be introduced to the other dog.

I could muzzle him out and about, but wouldn't solve the issue of when my boyfriend's dog comes to visit (once a month as we are in a LDR).

I'm gutted as he's just adorable with people but as a first-time dog owner, I feel out of my depth. The charity is 1.5 hours drive away so not like I can pop there regularly.

AIBU to give him back on the basis of the fight/general dog grumpiness?

Rescue dogs can take over a year to truly settle into their new homes. You're expecting a lot after 3-4 days.

That said, if you're not happy, return him.

I think you definitely should return him. He's potentially dangerous, and not how they described him to you.

@81Byerley

I think you definitely should return him. He's potentially dangerous, and not how they described him to you.

‘Not how they described’ it’s not a purse, it’s a dog.

@81Byerley

I think you definitely should return him. He's potentially dangerous, and not how they described him to you.

🙄🙄Wow.

I suppose my question would be: what motivated you to get a dog in the first place?
That! I keep reading how rescue places are so strict, will do many checks, refuse most working families even when they have plans in place, yet someone who wants an 'adorable' dog but prepared to hand it back after 3/4 days because of an incident is deemed ok.

I could totally understand deciding it didn't work after a few weeks, when the dog had time to settle, strategies been put in place but not worked, and the problem becomes a serious problem of compatibity but I have little sympathy for someone giving up after a few days.

My friend had the worse 4 first week with her rescue dog. He was agressive, wild, didn't listen, and she was really worried about it running away and attacking someone, but she persevered and after 4 weeks of unconditional love, patience and training, he was fine. He is now the most well behaved dog and she adores him.

Letting other dogs coming to him without warning the owner first when you'd only had him for a couple of days was quite poor judgement on your part too.

I also wonder OP if you’ve had a dog before? I only ask because we give off very subtle hints to dogs that we don’t know were doing. Maybe your behaviour changed slightly when you saw another Walker/dog - could be that in your head you were thinking got to stay apart 2 metre distance, or you ever so slightly tightened the lead. You won’t realise that you are doing these things but your dog will and it will pick up a message that says ‘this situation is not okay’.

You need to decide if you are willing to put the time in with the dog and give it the care it needs. If not, then as much as I disagree with people putting dogs in rescue centre you should take it back as the dog deserves someone who is willing to care for it properly.

We have had 4 rescue dogs over the years and although all of them were lovely they all took a while to settle in and really become a relaxed member of the family. They also almost always come with some medical problems, diarrhoea is often caused by stress, so you can expect a bit of that when they arrive, and often teeth need some pretty extensive and expensive attention. If they have bee in rescue kennels they can become dog aggressive even if they were not when they arrived. One o;f ours was fine with other dogs from day 1, two seemed to attract other dogs to be aggressive to them and the most recent (lovely girl) has a real issue with terrier types. OP I think you have tried t do a lovely thing adopting this dog, but I feel you are a little naive in expecting perfect behaviour from day 1. Please consult an expert to tackle this behaviour as soon as possible. It will be devastating for your dog to be passed around and back into rescue again if it can be avoided.

I'm glad the crazy mn dog people settled down

Yes...it just took a bit of time, didn't it?

Am I the only one who sees the irony of the above sentence when followed by advice that implies the dog's behaviour won't settle down?

It seems to be predicated on the notion that people have emotions and dogs don't.

For the people who don't like my reply. My ex husband and his wife rescued a lovely dog. A week after they got him he attacked and killed two smaller dogs. completely out of the blue. Imagine if they had taken advice after an incident like the OP's, and kept the dog, and then that had happened? . My ex returned the dog that day, and I'm assuming (Hoping) it was put to sleep.
I am a dog lover, but I hate it when people put sentimentality over safety. It happened to be a dog this time, what if a child went up behind him and surprised him?

@TanginaBarrons

I'm glad the crazy mn dog people settled down and you got some sensible advice. I'm really sorry that they didn't do a more thorough home check /behavioural assessment of the dog. I would send it back with a clear conscience - unless you are one of the afore mentioned mn dog people, most people in the real world do not have the time or inclination to spend £££ on dog behaviouralists trying to get into a difficult dog's head. I'm delighted for these reactive, tricky dogs that some do but the reality is that most people get a dog to have a fun, loveable pet. This doesnt sound like the right dog for you.

If you don’t have the time or inclination to spend Money on a dog then don’t get one. Don’t get any pet. They are not disposable because you can’t be bothered. Dogs only become fun and loveable pets with work and training. You want your kid to read or write or use a toilet, you teach it. You want your dog to behave a certain way in certain situations, you teach it. Very simple.

Either you commit to a lot of training with him or let them take him back and train him themselves.
My dog is dog reactive, not aggressive though, it's taken years to get her to a stage where we're getting close to her being able to go to a dog playgroup, and by close I mean maybe 6 months. It's a commitment.

Ideally the rescue should be offering you support, and trying to figure out if this is just teething issues or an incompatibility between your needs and the dogs.

That said sometimes i wish we had more open conversations about rehoming dogs in this country. Some of my foster dogs i wish i could have got that bit earlier, as by the time i had them their issues had really been compounded. We tend to view surrending dogs as the worst possible thing (see how some people have responded here!) But actually sometimes its the kindest thing. My last one was a dog whos owners circumstances had changed and understandably she didnt want to relinquish the dog because she genuinely loved it. However the dog had begun to show signs of agression, so understandably she was shutting it away from her family so the dog had an ever decreasing quality of life. By the time it got to rescue its issues were ten times worse and mean the dog will be really difficult to rehome. If she had been able to admit it was wrong 6 months ago and she wasnt coping , the dog would have far less issues and had far more chances in life.

Sometimes the kindest thing is the hardest thing! Theres no shame in that

So a dog that could kill other dogs is ok to keep? Not in my world. I've known dogs that kill puppies and small dogs in the park (there's a current warning on my local next door group about one). It's utterly heartbreaking for those owners - who generally see it happen in front of them. Mine has been attacked and thank god the woman had it muzzled because mine would be dead otherwise.

Then we have people trying to blame the other dog, 'maybe it stressed it out?' Really???? Like the 'oh it's never done anything like this before perhaps your dog was doing x'. Or the other dog was on/off a lead. Or running. Or looked at it funny. Or came too close.

This is an incredible blind spot I just can't comprehend. You love your dog but couldn't give a shit about anyone else's? A dangerous dog is a liability- and it could also attack children.

It's not even about the home it goes to because there are dogs and children on every walk. Minimally, muzzle it and keep it on a non retractable lead. Or better yet take it to a vet and have it out to sleep. Because otherwise a dog will die - it won't be yours and it will be a lot more costly in many different ways.

I would muzzle him whilst he settles down. You can train them to be ok with a muzzle by getting a plastic cup that that covers their snout, put a high value treat in it and over time they’ll be used to the feeling of their snout being covered. Trying to think of the video I got that from, in fact I do have a training dvd about how to train a reactive dog with games I’ll see if I can find it. Might be of some use to you

I think its important to say that when you get any dog but especially a rescue. You need to be prepared for things like this cropping up. They're not kennels full of perfect dogs really to slot into your lives without creating a splash. These are dogs that usually have had a rough upbringing and need support.

Never get a dog just because you want a lovely playful dog without considering that might not be what you get. You make a commitment to your dog when you get them to look after them and protect them if you dont want to make that commitment then don't get a dog.

If you take him back then dont make the same mistake again, you've set this dog back whether you meant to or not.
You should have introduced the dogs before you took him and the fact the kennel didn't make you do this is very concerning.

I know people often get told to ‘get a rescue dog’ but I know from having grown up with both dogs from puppies and family who have rescued that whilst puppies obviously need a lot of attention initially, rescue dog come with all sorts of ‘triggers’ which rarely go away. With young children I would never get a rescue. Two friends have ended up rehoming due to the dog biting their children. Awful for the dog and the family. I would contact the charity ASAP. Kinder to do it now than in a few months.

I'd return it. If not it's the dogs lifetime of anxiety about attacking other dogs or needing to be permanently muzzled. Has he been neutered?

Dramatic much. An aggressive dog doesn't need to be put down, they can lead perfectly good lives with no incidents if the owner is a responsible one, which from the examples above, clearly those owners are not! My dog could kill - would kill - yet here we are almost 12 years later with no issues.

Whether you agree or not, dogs can be anxious and yes, other dogs can stress them out. They can also be reactive to other dogs or animals but perfectly fine with people. There are almost always warning signs, but it's down to the person's experience to whether they recognise it or not.

The OP should return the dog. She is too inexperienced and expecting far too much from a rescue dog in a few days.

I do love the approach to having a dog some have on here:
You should only ever get a rescue because anything else is obviously a puppy farm.
You should be totally willing to have a dog who is unpredictable and attacks other dogs.
If you dare say that's not what you're looking for in a dog then you're a terrible dog owner who thinks dogs are a disposable accessory.

OP ignore those who are looking to stick the boot in. It probably makes them feel good. Some dogs take more work than others and not everyone wants to rescue a dog that's liable to be aggressive to other dogs. Reputable rescues will work with you and if you feel that this dog's behaviour is too much for you as a first time owner then it's kinder to you and the dog to take them back so they can have an owner who is more experienced.

the dog was clearly ill, a real slopoy shitting machine that made our garden unusable, he was ravenously hungry all the time

This sounded like our puppy who was a rescue.

No one in any sort of medical position could come up with the reason why she ate 4oz of food and produced 4lb of shit. Always hungry.

We were feeding her the dried food she had when she was in kennels.

It took another owner to tell me to change her food to wet food. It cured the problem straight away.

I am surprised that you didn’t introduce your bfs dog to this dog whilst still in the rescue centre
When we got puppy we had to bring our 2 cats in for them to meet to see the reactions from both cats and puppy

I can only reiterate what others have said. Your dog was scared and if he has formed an attachment to you he probably thought he was protecting you from this “attack”

I think you do need to work with him. He hasn’t been given time to get the hang of things yet.
He has been taken from one environment where he knew the routine and wasn’t expected to do anything to being in a home with a different routine and expectations he should behave in a certain way which is all new to him and he needs time and patience and training.

Also the weather can’t be helpful. Far too hot to take a dog for a walk during the day.

I would definitely speak to the rehoming centre to see if they can offer advice or recommend a good trainer.

As someone said upthread. Introducing to a laid back older dog in a calm environment might be a start.

I was told that your fear travels down the lead to the dog so if you are confident then you won’t add to a dogs nervousness

Ddog was 2 years old before she got that you went to the toilet outside and didn’t run in from the garden to pee on the kitchen floor then run outside again.

I wish you luck

I would give dog 4 months to settle. I would walk with muzzle on. Try taking dog in car and drive to quiet area for walking a few times each week, see if it makes a difference. Make a fuss of dog to make it feel wanted. Spend time playing with it.

My pup lunges and barks at other dogs when walking.

He’s also snapped at and bit my sisters dog. I’m not considering ‘giving him back’ why would I? He just needs some patience and socialisation.

I find it very disturbing that you’re considering giving it back after a few days. Why do people get dogs and expect that they’re going to be perfect behaved, cuddly toys? They’re definitely not. They’re hard work.

I got a small to medium sized designer cross breed puppy at great expense from a home breeder. This makes me mumsnet dog world scum.

The dog is health checked from KC reg purebred parents. Both parents are well loved, well socialised family pets and the father was selected for temperament as well as health checks. The pups were socialised in a home with cats and 4 children from toddler to teenager. Our dog is a delightful boy, friendly, intelligent, healthy and the loveliest temperament. We understand and respect his autonomy and we don't hug him, carry him round, dress him in clothes etc like some who have this breed choose to. I have only heard him growl in earnest once, when another dog stole his treat on a walk.

I completely stand by my decision to choose a responsible home breeder over a rescue dog. With children myself (the youngest is primary school age) I didn't want the risk of a rescue dog with anxiety or who has been illtreated or never socialised. I realise this makes me a terrible person according to some posters on here, but the dog enhances our life and is well loved. I didn't get a dog to be a better person or solve a social problem.

How did we get from 'a dog is for life not just for Xmas' to 'you have to take the first dog that walks out of kennels and suck it up'?
The dog world has got itself stuck in a weird purity spiral that makes no sense. Its not to the benefit of the individual dog to be in a home thats a bad match. It ignores the fact they are individuals just as much as we are.