Is this man a tight B**tard?

[COPPER3]

So, last year, I went away with a boyfriend for a 5 day break in Cornwall. We drove in my car, 5 hour journey, we stayed in a lovely two bed chalet bungalow with use of an indoor pool. I arranged this holiday and paid for it with a time share scheme, so it would have worked out at around £500+ . Bf did ask about a month before we went if I would like some money and I replied that we could sort it out when I saw him. (it is a long-distant relationship). Fast forward to the holiday... He offered me £50 on the first day and paid for the shopping which came to about £40. I assumed that he would offer more as the holiday went on. Day 3...he thanked me for taking him on hol and asked if I wanted anymore money towards it? When I said " um yes please", he went balistic and said that he had already paid f**kin £100 and it was my fault as I should have told him ages ago how much I wanted. I was thinking only of asking for £200 from him. For context, he is in a very well paid job and earns double the amount that I do. He also offered me £20 for petrol money. He has a habit of twisting things back on me and making me feel guilty. I have hardly seen him in the past 6 months. I felt so upset over that holiday. I let it go and he never offered anymore money. To this day, I still don't know if I was BU? Or was he being a tightarse? I would value your opinion..thank you...

in hindsight you should have specified half of the cost when he asked the first time that would have given him a clearer idea of what his contribution was expected from you, and given him a choice wether to come with you or not, but as you didn't, his attitude is awful, my OH and I go halves on all holidays even though he has more money than I do I would be wary that he is going to do this every time it comes to paying for anything and its an attitude I wouldn't be happy with , if he was mine it would be bye bye

He was a penny pinching arse. I hope he's now an ex.

Walk away.

Not sure this is black and white. On the one hand he sounds really rude and difficult, but on the other I think that on the actual holiday was too late for you to specify how much you wanted, especially when he had asked months before. That was the time to clarify, not months later when he couldn’t back out or explain that it was too lucy for him.

There’s nothing less attractive than a cheap skate. YNBU

Walk and don't look back

Anyone who goes “ballistic” when discussing something like finances is not someone you should be getting intimate with

You should have specified what you wanted him to contribute, but given he has the money he's being a tightarse. Being tight would put me right off.

Tight as arseholes.
I hope you’re not still with him.

I think being tight is one thing but getting angry about it and swearing at you is the bigger issue. He seemed to be enraged at the mere idea of you asking for him to help cover it.

I would find it difficult to stay in a relationship like that.

It was last year, sorry to be harsh but it is time to move on from thinking about it and him. Find yourself someone wo deserves you.

I think the thing that concerns me the most is that you have said, "To this day I still do not know if I was BU".
He has been openly abusive, angry, penny pinching and downright rude.....I want to shake you until your head falls off.
For christs sake your self esteem must be rock bottom if you would spend a 5 day holiday with this (sorry there is no other word) CUNT.
I would have told him to bugger off home on the very first day unless he had paid half the cost of the holiday on the spot and half of the petrol. I'd have made it quite clear before we even went and if he dared to whinge about it I'd have gone on my own.
For christs sake stop letting men treat you like a piece of shit and have some standards.

An expense like a holiday needs to have a budget set and agreed, THEN booked.

I don’t think his reaction was great, but you don’t plan holidays like that. He obviously thought it was you paying and him contributing as a ‘treat’.

I’ve always worked on the basis that whoever does the inviting, does the paying. If you’d invited him to go away with you and not specified you expected to split the cost, then you should pay.

I’d then expect him to pay for any dinners or activities when you were there.

YABU - should have been clear on your expectations.
Guys are not the best mind readers!

As PP have said you should of made it clear when you had first arrange the holiday or when he asked how much you wanted from him a few months before the holiday.
I have found it the past unless you are very clear regarding paying / sharing cost for anything , holidays , meals out , petrol etc the person that is asked to pay more / there share will almost always get uppity .

That said he certainly should not of gone ballistic at you , that is out of order under any circumstances.
It is not clear if you are still with him, but if you are why ? has his attitude improved ?
If you are not then stop worrying about this and put it down to experience.

Not just a tightarse but a complete fucking arsehole. You took him on holiday, paid for it and drove him there and he went ballistic when you answered a question that he had asked you? I cannot believe that you stayed on that holiday with him. I would have have walked out the door, got in my car and left him there. Seriously, dont see him again and dont let anyone treat you like shit in the future. And he did treat you like shit, no question.

Did it cost you £500+? I don’t know what it actually cost you as it’s a time share scheme. It’s wrong to charge him half of the equivalent cost if you’re actually getting a discounted rate. I’d be irritated with you if I’d given you money on day 1, then you were expecting more on day 3. Paring towards extras (like the shopping) and even paying more in recognition that you’d paid the main cost is a day to day adjustment. But not the contribution to the main holiday - I’d be pissed off that you’d been a bit wishy washy on retail - or so it seems to be, reading that. Although - we wouldn’t have got to tear stage, because I’d have upfront said, “right, this holiday...”

All that said - he’s an arse. Dump.

But next time, next man... be clear in your expectations.

And it must have been very clear to him that a 5 day break in Cornwall in a lovely chalet with a pool a 5 hour drive away was going to cost more than £90. Horrible, horrible man

He’s clearly a dickhead, but he’s right that you should have made it clear to him how much you expected, rather than wanting him to mind read and offer what you wanted.

I started off thinking your first mistake was to say "we'll sort it later" - but then I realised that your first mistake was to arrange it without first deciding how the finances would work. You should have either treated him to a holiday or discussed a budget before booking.

You organised a time-share type thing and brushed off his attempt to talk money. If that had been me I'd have assumed you were paying and I would do my bit by giving you petrol money and buying the food.

However, going ballistic over anything is not a good sign.

Took me until the menopause to stop letting men treat me like shit.
It's not easy being able to think straight especially if you're in love/lust and have low self-worth.
Op, he's no longer in your life I hope.

Yeah,no need for kicking off but you should have been clear about your expectations up front

Do you think that he was perhaps embarrassed, because he hadn’t given you enough money? And you hadn’t actually told him exactly how much you wanted… So when he said again ‘do you need some more?’ and you replied ‘well actually yes’ – I think maybe he was a bit embarrassed. I’m not excusing the way he behaved, but there are people in my family that would have reacted in that kind of way. Is he an anxious sort of person? Does he get wound up or upset easily? If the answer is yes, then I would advise you to move on: he may not mean to react this way, but he won’t change. And in future, be honest and upfront from the outset regarding what you want/expect.