Is this man a tight B**tard?

[COPPER3]

So, last year, I went away with a boyfriend for a 5 day break in Cornwall. We drove in my car, 5 hour journey, we stayed in a lovely two bed chalet bungalow with use of an indoor pool. I arranged this holiday and paid for it with a time share scheme, so it would have worked out at around £500+ . Bf did ask about a month before we went if I would like some money and I replied that we could sort it out when I saw him. (it is a long-distant relationship). Fast forward to the holiday... He offered me £50 on the first day and paid for the shopping which came to about £40. I assumed that he would offer more as the holiday went on. Day 3...he thanked me for taking him on hol and asked if I wanted anymore money towards it? When I said " um yes please", he went balistic and said that he had already paid f**kin £100 and it was my fault as I should have told him ages ago how much I wanted. I was thinking only of asking for £200 from him. For context, he is in a very well paid job and earns double the amount that I do. He also offered me £20 for petrol money. He has a habit of twisting things back on me and making me feel guilty. I have hardly seen him in the past 6 months. I felt so upset over that holiday. I let it go and he never offered anymore money. To this day, I still don't know if I was BU? Or was he being a tightarse? I would value your opinion..thank you...

Maybe because of the time share thing he didn’t think it was going to be very much? If you said that to me I would assume that it wouldn’t either, largely because I don’t get the how whole time share thing works, but the way you described it was though it didn’t really cost you anything, but was worth £500? Maybe he felt the same and thought he was paying enough towards it?

Is he a good person aside from this? Because to still be thinking about it 6 months later is concerning, and makes me wonder if the rest of the relationship isn’t going well?

All holiday expenses need to be laid out before the actual experience. He acted like a dick though

He is a right arsehole but the financials for this trip should have been agreed and sorted beforehand.

That should have said ‘tight arsehole’ not ‘right arsehole’

'He has a habit of twisting things back on me and making me feel guilty'
Get rid asap.

@Tatty101

Yeah,no need for kicking off but you should have been clear about your expectations up front

Yup. This.

Get rid OP. Why on earth would you want to be with somebody who behaves this way? There are better men out there.

His reaction - completely out of line. You should have been transaparent about how much you wanted him to contribute though. I would give him a chance this time, if he reacts like that again though, game over.

Yeah, no need for kicking off but you should have been clear about your expectations up front

Yes you should have been clear.. he was happy enough to reap the benefits of such a lovely break .. I'd ditch him OP he's tight as ..

you definitely should have been clearer up front. For all you know, his usual holiday is a £50 per night youth hostel and he had no idea you'd be spending this kind of money.

But his response was OTT and unpleasant.

Not sure there's an obvious win here for either of you.

So let me clarify;

• You booked a holiday for you and DP (maybe now ExDP)
• DP asks you to discuss finances relating to this, you decline and push this off until the actual holiday.

(So, so far you’ve booked a holiday DP has no idea the budget of and you've refuse to tell him)

• First day of holiday DP offers a token amount and pays for shopping. You decide he’s a right arse and are annoyed by this (let’s remember he STILL has no idea how much you paid or are expecting and you’ve STILL not brought it up!)
• DP asks if you want more money (no doubt feeling awkward picking up on grumpy vibes from you having not thought he’s offered enough cash so far) you say yes and he gets annoyed.

To me it sounds like you’re unhinged and manipulative. I know for a fact if I were telling my girlfriends about a guy who’d done this to me they’d be advising I run for the hills! I hope he has!

So what did it cost you?

It sounds like you paid nothing because you have vouchers, but you think it's worth £500, so in your head £250 for him and you'll knock £50 off but expect him to buy the food at £40. No wonder he got annoyed, he's not a mind reader, and you were being weird about it.

I have hardly seen him in the past 6 months
Just keep it this way op.
To be this upset a year down the line tells you everything you need to know.
Yes you should have been more upfront about the cost but there’s no need for him to be nasty about it.
Don’t waste any more time worrying about him, just be grateful he’s showed his true colours

You were both unreasonable.

You should have agreed what he needed to pay before booking the trip. You were evasive and unclear and then got the hump when he didn’t work out for himself what you were thinking because you refused to tell him.

He was unreasonable in his response ‘going ballistic’.

For me the money would be beside the point. He has a habit of twisting things back on me and making me feel guilty is not something I would want in my life. Also, going ballistic over anything.
I wouldn't want to work with someone like that and I definitely wouldn't want to live with them.

He should have asked how much half the holiday would be up front when invited. You should have told him you expected him to pay for half the holiday and how much it was before it was booked.

Sounds to me like you planned it you booked it for the 2 of you without speaking to him about paying towards it then only think of money when offers something if he didn't offer when would ask tell he had to pay he tells you on day 3 thanks for bringing me sounds like he had no clue you expected half the money.

Yes it should have been sorted out when you arranged it but he is seriously tight. He will expect you to holiday in a tent if he's paying. Get rid - he won't change.

You should have discussed expectation of cost for him before booking.
You should not have brushed him off when he tried to bring the subject up.
He should not have lost his temper with you but he was probably embarrassed /frustrated.
Larger income does not necessarily mean larger disposable money.

Yes. But you were a mug not have laid out the split before you went.

I don't think you can arrange and book a holiday, refuse to discuss costs when asked but then drop hints to him about how he hasn't contributed and be surprised that he's annoyed with you.

You sound like hard work - it's a year later and you're still stewing over this.

Also you haven't said how much the holiday actually cost you. It seems you have a habit of being cagey with money

All I can add is I hope he is no longer a boyfriend. What did he think he was going on ? a freebie? I agree you should have been clear about a contribution but he is a freeloader

I get that in hindsight costs should have been discussed upfront, but surely he knew that £90 (+ petrol! ) wouldn't exactly cover his share?

Tight bastard.

He sounds like an unpleasant person. I’d dump him.

In future though I think it’s a mistake to be wishy washy about finances. I would have decided how much I wanted him to contribute and I would have told him up front.

I think ywbu too.
How much did the actual holiday cost you ?
I’m not all that au fait with times shares tbh.

Absolute selfish cunt.

And lemme guess, selfish in the sack too??

Wouldn't surprise me. Strikes me as the jackhammer type.