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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour watching us

121 replies

akmum18 · 22/06/2020 14:12

Is it considered harassment if a neighbour is continuously watching you in your garden?
If we are outside and my daughter is playing, she is often standing on a chair in her garden watching us. She hides when I see her. She is often at her bathroom window looking down at us too. I asked if there was a problem and she ignored me.
We have 6 foot fences plus climbing plants so it isn’t an issue with accidentally noticing we are outside, she is purposely looking over to the point we notice her. Even when we aren’t outside I know she is looking into our garden to see if we are there. It’s making me very uncomfortable as we can’t enjoy our private space.
I caught her on my cctv looking into my front window several times. Even when I put my wheelie bin out she is at the window anticipating the time I do it so I now have to ‘change it up’ each week. She has an adult child and a teenage child who live with her but they never leave the house. I’m very confused why she is doing all this and what she is gaining by looking.
She is known for being a bit odd and refuses to engage in conversation with anyone so talking isn’t going to help and I don’t want to risk being seen as the person harassing. Am I unreasonable to report it to non emergency police to keep a record of this?
YABU - don’t report
YANBU - report

OP posts:
Original poster
akmum18 · 22/06/2020 16:12

Wow I didn’t realise there were so many odd neighbours Grin
I’ve been told to be ready at the fence on a chair to wave as she steps onto her own chair, but I’m a wimp and I don’t think I could 😂
It must take a hell of a lot of energy to watch a family for a year, if she does have anxiety she is surely making it worse by fixating on us!

OP posts:
Mittens030869 · 22/06/2020 16:15

I would agree that she sounds as if she has some form of MH issues, possibly early onset dementia, so I think the best response would be to ignore her. But then I'm not the one who is having to put up with being spied on by my NDN, so it's easy for me to say.

Sedona123 · 22/06/2020 16:15

Maybe buy a sun shade sail or two. Put at the right angle, you should be able to block her view of your garden from both the top windows, and the top of the fence.

mnahmnah · 22/06/2020 16:15

I would say ‘hi, are you ok?’ each time I catch her at it. If she got annoyed enough with someone walking past her house, she would be annoyed enough with you asking this every time and she might stay away!

I would definitely be asking the neighbours more. Knowledge is power!

Georgielovespie · 22/06/2020 16:19

@akmum18, invite me round, I'll stand on your chair Grin

Thisismytimetoshine · 22/06/2020 16:21

It's not harassment, no. I can see it might be a bit disturbing though, it's quite odd behaviour.
Just say hello every time you see her, though; pretending you don't notice and going away to quietly seethe isn't exactly the healthiest response.

Fairyflaps · 22/06/2020 16:24

@daisychain1620 it is part of a pattern of ongoing harassment. I have reported some of the earlier more serious harassment to the police (criminal damage) but although they have agreed to log the crimes, they will not be following up or taking any action on them. For now I just keep a log in case it escalates again and I need to go back to the police. Yes, he has had 'campaigns' against other people in the past. And although the police have spoken to him about some of those, afaik it has never progressed beyond that.

For this reason, I don't think it is worth the OP going to the police about her neighbour watching her. But it is worth her talking to her other neighbours.

Original poster
akmum18 · 22/06/2020 16:24

You’re more than welcome to join the staring contest if you’re in London Grin
You’re right timetoshine I didn’t think of it that way, and the sun shade idea is good idea thanks I may invest in a gazebo for us to play under

OP posts:
CorianderLord · 22/06/2020 16:27

Get an air horn. When you see her looking blade it at her. A hose also works.

CorianderLord · 22/06/2020 16:28

If she's looking from inside her house post a letter through asking her to stop stalking your children or you will contact the police

Keepitup · 22/06/2020 16:29

If she hides when you spot her I would shout "I can still see you Janice!"

ThousandsAreSailing · 22/06/2020 16:30

Could you make your garden more private. Have you seen those garden sails? They were recommended on here on another post with a difficult neighbour

CorianderLord · 22/06/2020 16:31

Oh reading further it sounds like she could be a bit unwell. Maybe don't air horn her.

I like the asking her to get off the chair thing

Clettercletterthatsbetter · 22/06/2020 16:32

Keep a little notebook and a pencil in your pocket, and every time you see her doing it, look her in the eye, then get out your notebook and jot down the date and time, then eyeball her again as you put it away.

Best case scenario: it makes her realise she’s being weird and she might stop.

Bonus: you’ve got a handy log of all the occurrences should you need it.

Felifox · 22/06/2020 16:43

I think I would take a shot of her every time you notice her do it, then after a period- say a month- email the online police service and flag it up asking if there is any MH history you need to be aware of as you are finding being watched creepy.

How old is your dd, could you keep a couple of filled water pistols to play with and accidentally shoot it at the fence. Or get an airhorn and a tambourine and you and dd do a duet every time you're watched?

YaWeeSkitter · 22/06/2020 16:43

Like a pp I also stand at the bedroom window just looking out over the gardens. Not looking at anyone or anything specifically -just gazing round. If there was anything to see at the front I would do it there too but its just a boring street with hardly any movement all day long.
Maybe as someone has suggested the neighbour has some anxiety issues and this is her way of connecting to the outside world without actually engaging with it.
I would be bothered for a while I would think but would maybe let it go if it was the same every time.
I may move and Dc from her direct line of sight though - nearer her side of the fence perhaps if you are wary of the dc being spied on.

Alfr · 22/06/2020 16:45

I'd be inclined to give her something to stare at. naked husband, perhaps?
I had a neighbour once, who used to constantly turn up uninvited, and plonk herself down at the patio table. OH took to walking round the garden in tight pants, which put her right off visiting.
I was a bit disappointed that she gave up so easily, as I'd almost convinced him to go totally naked, and do the helicopter whenever she appeared

ItsNotAGameOfSubbuteoMatthew · 22/06/2020 16:59

Ignoring her hasn't stopped her so you need to take a different tack.

Say hello and 'how are you doing?' or similar pleasantries literally every time. She will retreat on every occasion she's caught out and hopefully she'll stop doing it as she's getting caught so often.

It's not OK. She shouldn't be standing on a chair to look over the fence and plants.

Needanotherholiday · 22/06/2020 17:01

My dad was diagnosed with a rare form of dementia at 60 and very quickly had to give up work so was around the house a lot. He developed some very strange behaviours and lost his ability to communicate verbally early after his diagnosis but one thing that didn't change was how much he craved interaction and wanted to be sociable. He'd be at home wanting to speak to people, children and pets as they walked by the house or when he saw them in the next garden. Unfortunately, as he looked young, fit and healthy it rarely crossed anyone's mind that he might be unwell and instead he was treated with complete disregard, rudeness and disgust which was heartbreaking to watch and can't imagine how he felt each time someone treated him like that or ignored him.

Yes there are some strange people that I'd certainly not want to live next door to but living with my dad's condition opened my eyes to unseen illness and I'd like to think I'd think twice before responding rudely or reporting them.

Maybe worth continuing with a polite nod or smile when you make eye contact, ignoring when you don't and stay aware to what's happening in case anything should change. Perhaps a neighbour who has stayed there longer than you can shed light on the situation? Better you know if something is wrong or if she's just crossing boundaries for no reason so you understand the reason for her behaviour before doing anything.

jamandtonic · 22/06/2020 17:06

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Devlesko · 22/06/2020 17:06

She's doing no harm and there's no law against looking out of your window.
maybe there is some reason she is like this, mh maybe, or she could just be having a nosy.
Wave to her, everytime, it might stop her.
If you are outside make sure you shout hello when you see her.
This can be the problem with overlooked gardens.

Ravenclawgirl · 22/06/2020 17:06

I'm sure it's immensely irritating, but really there are lots worse things she could do. Could you just assume she is lonely or has mental health issues and ignore her?

Devlesko · 22/06/2020 17:10

jamandtonic

Reported.
People with mh issues whether anxiety or anything else are not nutcases
Unless you can tell us what you mean by nutcase, if it isn't mh related.

Cocobean30 · 22/06/2020 17:41

Sounds like MH issues. I deal with people like this a lot through work. They don’t leave the house and the children pick up the habit, curtains always drawn, sometimes hoarders etc. I agree on calling her out on it though

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