Neighbour watching us

[akmum18]

Is it considered harassment if a neighbour is continuously watching you in your garden?
If we are outside and my daughter is playing, she is often standing on a chair in her garden watching us. She hides when I see her. She is often at her bathroom window looking down at us too. I asked if there was a problem and she ignored me.
We have 6 foot fences plus climbing plants so it isn’t an issue with accidentally noticing we are outside, she is purposely looking over to the point we notice her. Even when we aren’t outside I know she is looking into our garden to see if we are there. It’s making me very uncomfortable as we can’t enjoy our private space.
I caught her on my cctv looking into my front window several times. Even when I put my wheelie bin out she is at the window anticipating the time I do it so I now have to ‘change it up’ each week. She has an adult child and a teenage child who live with her but they never leave the house. I’m very confused why she is doing all this and what she is gaining by looking.
She is known for being a bit odd and refuses to engage in conversation with anyone so talking isn’t going to help and I don’t want to risk being seen as the person harassing. Am I unreasonable to report it to non emergency police to keep a record of this?
YABU - don’t report
YANBU - report

I've had my bedroom curtains drawn all week because of this - if anyone asks it's to stop the sun coming in.

She doesn’t sound mentally well. If it bothers you just wave and say hello every time - it sounds like she goes in when noticed...

I don't think there's much point in calling the police about it but I can understand why it is so unnerving. I think smile and wave/say hello is the only thing you can do. I'd be tempted to put a sign inside my window, where she can only see it while peering in, saying "Don't be so nosey!" though.

The best thing to do with somebody like that is completely ignore them, if you think she may be there don't even look over

She jut sounds like a sad/strange/lonely woman. I would jut ignore it and smile and say hello when you see her.

*just!

She has an adult child and a teenage child who live with her but they never leave the house

You've lived there a year and they've never left the house?
Are you at home all day or could they be leaving the house when you're not there.

What do you expect the police to do? Either talk to her about it or ignore her.

How olds your DC? Could they loudly shout ‘mummy whys that lady always staring at us’ each time she’s lurking around?

My old neighbour two homes ago was like this. I was miffed then a bit scared and eventually embarrassed when I found out she was harmless but an anxious introvert on the autistic spectrum and wanted to know what was going on around to not be anxious. We exchanged letters and we still get a Christmas card . She had been burgled and that's what set off the anxiousness.

I don’t think they have any visitors, our porches are side by side and you can usually hear when a visitor is coming, but unlike her I don’t stand at windows to check unfortunately. I was on maternity leave for a while before lockdown so I was home all day to notice it more.
I’m not sure what is going on with the children, I saw the youngest son going to school pre lockdown but the eldest obviously just stays home all day. Their house is very quiet, nothing that would make me concerned like shouting etc just general talking and tv.
I’m tempted to ask neighbours more as I’m curious but again I know it comes across as gossipy and I don’t want to give her ammunition.
I genuinely hope it’s just harmless curiosity, but after being seen you’d be embarrassed about the risk of being caught again? We aren’t interesting people! Maybe she just doesn’t like the look of us.

Hate these threads , commenters always just say "move if it bothers you"

Why should OP have to leave her home because her neighbour is a nosey bitch who cant keep to herself ?!?

I would ask the neighbours and tell them she is standing on a chair to be able to see you in your garden, phrase it that you are concerned for her.

We had a nosy neighbour when we were children and every time we walked past her house she would pop up at the window, my Dad would say wave to Emma, so we did, we had no idea it was because she was a nosy bitch and my Dad was calling her on it every time.

You could, photograph her standing on her chair, shout cooeee and wave every single time, you could make binoculars with your hands and look at her or point two fingers at your eyes and then at her and you could also have a chair ready to stand on facing where she normally stands too. But I would acknowldge that you can see her watching you even when you put the bin out, wave. This is not normal behaviour on her part.

How odd. Have you tried saying a cheery 'hello' every time you spot her? Maybe if you make her aware that you are aware that she is spying it might be enough to shame her in stopping.

OP she has probably already eaten her children and is now just eyeing up her next meal.
🤣🤣🤣

Our ndn used to watch us.

When she started taking photos of my dc I sought legal advice..

Was glad when she moved.
I would acknowledge that you see her every time. A cheery hello and an exaggerated wave!!

I have a neighbour who sometimes films me when I leave my house and follows me. It really bothers me - which is why they do it, of course. I have other neighbours who are lovely and when they spot him doing it, they call him out. But he usually does it when there's no-one else there.

Yup smile and wave every time. I would also mention it to other neighbours just say you have seen the woman always looking into yours and do they know if shes quite alright

Does she sufre from anxiety? Perhaps she doesn't want to go out if anyone else is around so checks no one is in your garden before she goes out.
She sounds as though she has some mental health issues. It's hard but I would just try and ignore her.

Having a chair ready on your side of the fence is a BRILLIANT idea, @Georgielovespie

That'll give her a surprise!

Acknowledge every time you see her, OP. Big wave, big shout hello that everyone can hear. Really draw attention to what's happening. Shew on't like feeling like all eyes are upon her. Ironically.

My neighbour is currently up his step ladder silently pruning plants. DH & I are sunbathing,me virtually naked. After 25 of seriously odd behaviour we just ignore him. I used to be more cautious when DS was young because I have always suspected that he is more than odd. But now DS is over 6ft and not at risk as such we just do our own thing.
When DH & I first got together he had a neighbour who used to have a neighbour opposite who would in his window in the dark nosing. We would frequently put on a show for him!

@Fairyflaps, now that sounds creepy and police reporting worthy! Why does he do this and does he do it to other people?

We have a neighbour whose house is diagonally across the back from ours and I often saw him looking from an upstairs bedroom window down into our kitchen. It amused me, especially as I often am less dressed than most people would be, and one day I waved back really enthusiastically- he looked horrified and I've never seen him looking since...

Question is, was he just horrified at being caught or was it there was my enthusiastic waving made my boobs and fat wobble? I shall never know...

*Neighbour who used to sit in the dark

It's weird! And creepy. But I'm weird! I stand at my son's bedroom window and stare across at the gardens. It's my only view and I like to admire everyone's greenery ever since I've become a third rate Alan Titchmarsh in my own garden over lockdown. I look at people's climbers and shrubs, tress, etc to get ideas.
But somehow I don't think this is what your neighbour is doing.