Is this realistic or misogynistic?

[Thistimeforamerica]

I have a male friend who is talking about divorced women with children who want to remarry/ meet someone else. He is saying they have to “maximise” their “second hand market value.” He is saying they have to exercise, read, make the most of what’s left of their looks, become cultured etc.

Do you think he is speaking the truth?

Anyone who talks about a woman like a second-hand car is clearly a misogynist.

It's also "realistic" in that there are a lot of misogynists out there who appraise women like they're objects up for sale.

A human is not a second hand object. So misogynistic. Does he say anything about divorced men needing to maintain their eligibility?

Whereas divorced men with their receding hairlines and beer bellies chasing after 20 something women really don't need to do anything at all, we should all just be grateful for the attention. Good job most of them just pick and choose if/when they see their kids so they don't have that pesky problem getting in the way of their sex lives

Realistic I'm afraid. It's the reality that is misogynistic!

They aren't mutually exclusive. That likely is a sad reality, our society is deeply misogynistic and we often comply so intrinsically and insidiously it goes entirely unnoticed. Separately he sounds like a prick, I wouldn't be friends with a man who spoke about women this way. Men need to do better, they just don't want to and don't need to.

It's deeply misogynistic.
But so is our society.
Therefore it's also realistic.
And he's a prick.

It's so horrible that we are just considered like this it brings a tear to my eye. I would get rid of him as a friend tbh.

"make the most of whats left of their looks" he sounds like a massive twat

Why is this dinosaur knuckle-dragger your friend?

That’s not how you talk about people. Women are human beings, not commodities which need to show monetary value.

I’m not a divorced mum but I wouldn’t want to go out with anyone who felt I needed to be trained and turned out like a nineteenth century debutante in order to be worthy of love.

He is speaking bollocks.
He sounds vile.

Become cultured? Make the most of their looks?

He sounds incredibly punchable. And yes, he’s a definitely a misogynist

Dreadful. Apart from anything else, the last thing these misogynistic men want is a woman who reads.

Well he sounds like a twat and I'd rather be single than lumbered with someone so awful.
This is partly why im so single.

What does he think divorced men with children should do?

There are two strands here to separate. Firstly, he is misogynistic to talk about women as 'second-hand' because they have had previous relationships.

On the other hand, I do think that many people should think about whether they would want to spend time with themselves when seeking a partner. I sometimes find myself internally screaming 'read a book. Develop some interests. Develop a personality. Move out of your parents' house!' on some threads. However, in my own experience, these people who make no effort with their personal appearance and have nothing to offer in the way of conversation or personality and still wonder, at length, why beautiful members of the opposite sex don't want them are predominantly men.

How many adult women need to be told to make the most of their looks when dating? As groundbreaking insights go, it's on par with telling an adult woman how to use a toaster. Don't you think she knows?

What a revolting friend. I would be dumping him now

You have to ask? Time for new friends, this one is clearly a twat. Why was he discussing divorced women with kids who are looking for a new relationship anyway? What's it got to do with him?

Nah, that’s bullshit - at least in my limited personal experience. I’m in my fifties with three kids, and I’m not particularly attractive, but I do just fine for partners

Well if he says the same about the 'second-hand' divorced men then no, not mysoginistic but just cynical and unkind.
If only women, then obvs a mysoginist.

It's presented in an ugly, cynical way, but most who are actively looking for a new relationship probably do try to put their best foot forward.

What that means will vary from person to person, of course.

I'd rather any potential partner/husband learn who I truly am early in the dating process. Why waste time, money, and energy attracting a man who wouldn't be interested in the real me?!

@Chloemol

What a revolting friend. I would be dumping him now

This.

Not nice. And fyi - if you fall into the category he is taking about then it was a direct jibe at you.

I wouldn't consider him a friend. Not to you or any woman.

I think it probably depends on what he thinks about that more than weather he thinks it's true.

He wasn’t by any chance critiquing you, was he OP? Did he then throw in a wee compliment?