Is this realistic or misogynistic?

[Thistimeforamerica]

I have a male friend who is talking about divorced women with children who want to remarry/ meet someone else. He is saying they have to “maximise” their “second hand market value.” He is saying they have to exercise, read, make the most of what’s left of their looks, become cultured etc.

Do you think he is speaking the truth?

[glisteninginkcap]

Mysogynistic and twattish thing to say.

However, as a woman who falls into that category, that's genuinely how I feel about myself, that I need to "make the most of what I've got" so to speak, and while I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing in itself, the way he phrased it - likening divorced women to used objects - makes him a prick.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

It is sadly both realistic and misogynistic.

As much as we’d like to think that all those things don’t matter in the dating pool- being fit through exercise, being well groomed so we look nice, and reading so we have something interesting to add to a conversation, they do matter. That’s the reality if you are divorced with children.

But the way the OPs friend expressed it was in a misogynistic fashion. Calling women “second hand” and saying that self-care is for “market value”. Women are not objects to be bought and sold like they were in the not so long ago past.

[Waxonwaxoff0]

Nah, he's talking crap. It's easy for women to find a partner even if they're divorced.

I'm divorced and I wouldn't describe myself as cultured. I'm about a stone overweight and have a child. Still get plenty of offers, despite me not even looking for a relationship at the moment.

[ComeBy]

“Become” cultured?
Because obviously a woman is naturally a feral ignoramus?

[TheGroak]

You’re friends with this OP?

[ghostyslovesheets]

any woman who fits his list wouldn't even set him on fire so they could piss it out

[DestinationFkd]

I want second hand goods that are in good condition, not something that looks like its from the bargain bin.

[trixiebelden77]

I find it very hard to believe that anyone who thinks of women as second hand goods really wants any of us to be cultured or well-read.

[SnuggyBuggy]

To be fair I do think with online dating there can be a bit of a tenancy to treat it like online shopping and that does affect the language people use.

But yeah, I'm guessing he would only say that sort of thing about women.

[dottiedodah]

What is it with some men! Talking about women like they are a second hand piece of furniture FFS.He should look at some of the "specimens around that are Male ,Stale and pale for a start! I wonder if he is talking in general or about someone he knows? Either way its derogatory and demeaning to women ,and I would struggle to have much in common with a misogynist like this TBH!

[AuntieStella]

He's a misogynist.

But everyone should be adequately clean, whatever their taste in clothes, and should not be pungent in public places.

Exercise is good for everyine's health, and following pursuits which interest you is important whether single or attached. That's just making the most of life, in accordance with what matters to you. It's good advice for men and women (and attack helicopters) regardless of relationship and family status

He's made it misogynist with the idea that men are the ones with status who get to pick, and women have to strive to please

[OnceUponACat]

Do you really need to ask this question?

[userabcname]

Yes it is misogynist but sadly I think a lot of people think the same, particularly wrt appearance. But I don't understand the 'read' and 'become cultured' comments - does he think married women can't do / be these things?!

[Buttonsorbows]

It’s both. He sounds lovely.

[SimonJT]

Does this remind anyone of the Mercedes advert that compared a second hand car to a woman with the tag line “used, but not what you’re used to”.

[Velvian]

I just googled hypergamy; there are some paranoid men out there. I also think it's the opposite in my family, DH's family and the friends I can think of. Weird.

Your friend needs to remain single, op.

[tilder]

It might be true from his perspective. It is certainly misogynistic.

[Pelleas]

'Realistic or misogynistic' isn't an either/or. In this case what he's said is both because it reflects how society is.

I think it's the way he's expressed it that is misogynistic with the 'second hand market stuff, rather than the whole message, though. If someone posted here for advice on meeting a new man they might well be told to develop as many interests as possible to broaden the range of people they could meet and talk to.

Making the most of your looks can be as much about self-confidence as anything. Anyone who thinks looks don't count for anything when dating is a fool (I say this as someone who has never been good looking). So again, the advice to look as good as you can is realistic, albeit rather depressing.

[RantyAnty]

I wouldn't be friends with such a twat.

Men who say this are delusional.
Women can always find a partner, if they want one that is.

[SnuggyBuggy]

What does he think about men seeking partners?

[CockCarousel]

Does he talk about hypergamy and read those funny "red pill" forums?

[Toilenstripes]

It sounds like he’s talking about marrying ‘up’.

[thepeopleversuswork]

Why are you friends with this man?

[Shoxfordian]

He clearly has some misogynistic views
Hope you're not planning to date him...!

[Boredbumhead]

What a horrid little man your friend is. HTH.