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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Ex has a wedding photo up

118 replies

Bugeyedgirl · 21/06/2020 21:10

Ex and I split up and it was a very bad break up. We do not speak and he doesn't see our child ever, hasn't for 8 years through he own choice.
I saw on Facebook he has a picture from our wedding on the wall, just him and his father. His father is still alive, so they could easily take another photo. I looked to see if he put anything up about father's day as he abandoned his child because normally there is some "alienated father's" post.

He is married and has been with his wife for nearly 10 years!

Aibu to think this is weird? No way would I have a pic of that day on my wall, in my wedding dress etc.

OP posts:

RyanBergarasTeeth · 22/06/2020 13:30

Well the answer to the ops original question is no its not strange for him to have a photo of him and his dad up in his house from his wedding day.

BluebellForest836 · 22/06/2020 16:49

@WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo - that’s because it is odd as fuck to continue to stalk an ex to the point of looking in the back ground of his pictures on his Facebook 10 years later. He abandoned his child and she can’t change that. Yes he’s a tosser but can the OP also change that? No.

She needs to move on instead of being a stalking ex, it makes her look desperate to see what he’s up to when in fact it’s not her business.

Having the odd Facebook stalk is normal but looking at him yearly (and probably a lot more then that but she won’t admit it) and scanning the backgrounds of his pictures is not normal or healthy.

It’s not called abuse if you are just telling someone the truth. Guess you’re also the weird stalker type that thinks this shit is normal too

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 22/06/2020 16:51

Bluebell

There's ex partners and then there's ex partners you have a child with. It's perfectly normal to be curious, in all honesty it would be weird not to be

BluebellForest836 · 22/06/2020 16:54

Like I said you clearly do the same shit so think it’s normal to play stalker

Iwantacookie · 22/06/2020 16:56

My in laws still have the photo of them at my wedding in their lounge even though I've been divorced from their son for years. It's a lovely photo that they paid to have framed why would they take it down?

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 22/06/2020 17:00

Hate to disappoint you Bluebell but I've not got any ex's. I met my partner 25 years ago when we were still in school.

In fact I've commented on it a few times on here so you're more than welcome to run along and have a little stalk if it makes your tiny mind feel any better ?

It's perfectly normal to keep a tab on absent father's, in fact it's probably advisable because they may need to be contacted one day. And it's very normal to be curious about it.

However it isn't normal to bully posters for daring to be curious about the father of their child but whatever makes people like you feel better about your shitty life and all that jazz. 💁🏻‍♀️

BluebellForest836 · 22/06/2020 17:06

If you say so, Good for you 😂

Curious She’s full on Facebook stalking him and the background in his pictures And then making posts about them on mumsnet. She could probably tell you every year he redecorated his house since she looks that closely.

What’s would she advise him off? Nothing because he doesn’t give a fuck so move on and live your life with your child.

Yes yes, it’s bullying when people get told the truth that they don’t like. Boohoo.

Cheeseandwin5 · 22/06/2020 17:10

Have to agree, for whatever the reason the OP is still obsessed with her ex and ot only its it making her bitter and angry, it will probably stop her moving forward and being totally happy.
PPl have a right to think of you however they want.

WhatWouldYouDoWhatWouldJesusDo · 22/06/2020 17:25

I'd hardly call the odd look at an open Facebook profile full on stalking. If you're that hysterical in real life and not just saving such ridiculous behaviour for when you're behind the safety of a screen you may do well to have a chat with your GP.

As I said, I hope you're raising your children to have a bit more empathy.........someone's obviously gone badly wrong with you somewhere along the line.

Happymum12345 · 22/06/2020 17:30

It’s is very odd-especially as his dad is still around! I wouldn’t want my dh to have a wedding photo from his previous marriage up on the wall.

Inthebelljar · 22/06/2020 17:30

All other issues aside, I don’t find this particularly weird. It’s not like it’s a big family photo with everyone in - it’s just him and his dad. My dm has a gorgeous photo of my grandparents and her at her wedding to my dad (divorced now) and she loves it. Not all memories need to be stashed away.

BluebellForest836 · 22/06/2020 17:32

I said full on Facebook stalking. I never said full on stalking. At least read it right😂

Il be teaching my children how to move the fuck on and not be oddballs when someone doesn’t want you hopefully you teach yours the same or they will end up like the op otherwise. Desperate and unable to move on still 10 long years later.

sonjadog · 22/06/2020 18:15

I think having an odd look at past partners fb profiles is normal. But looking at a photo and wondering if there is a message to you in the photo hanging on the wall behind a dog when you haven't been with someone for ten years, I think is a sign of an unhealthy fixation. The OP is still hoping to see a sign that the relationship can be repaired. I don't think anyone here thinks that her ex is a great guy and that what he has done is in any way acceptable, but she can't change him or that and holding onto hope for a decade, and revisiting the anger and rejection is only hurting her. Her ex won't give a shit. That is why I think she should block him and let the hope go once and for all.

melj1213 · 22/06/2020 18:42

Is it definitely even from your wedding? My brother has been groomsman for various family members as well as obviously being in his own wedding. If you gave me a picture of him and my dad from various weddings, I probably couldn't tell you at a glance which wedding it is from. Especially not from a picture in the back of a photo posted to FB.

Even if it is from your wedding, so what? He paid for it when you get married, you're not in it, so why cant he display a nice picture of him and his dad in nice suits, professionally styled and photographed?

Original poster

Bugeyedgirl · 22/06/2020 20:33

@melj1213 yes it is from our wedding I know because I kept the album for DC and it is in it.

I am not obsessed. I check to see what shit he says about me and my child once a year. I do not want him back, I am recently happily married myself. I didn't stalk the background - it was clear in the image the dog is next to it. Like right next to it. It's not a small photo, it's probably an 8x10.

I hope he will want to fix his relationship with our child. I don't give a fuck about him. POS beat me black and blue. I check also to see where he lives incase he moves back to the area I live in. He moved 5 hours away. As his family still live here I occasionally see them in town and it brings it up. His mother works in a shop I now have to avoid, so I have reminders of him and it is scary worrying if he is going to come back and take my child or come get me.

So I am sorry if I am a stalker, but I once a year look, for our safety. To see what shit he says because I screen print and keep it incase he it goes to court so I can have proof for supervised contact.

I have lived with how his absence has left my child. You haven't. No one has asked how my child feels. He is very inquisitive. Old enough for Facebook himself. So I look, to see what potentially my child could be seeing.

Thanks for the kind responses.

Horrible ones... Well I am to blame for drip feeding. But I didn't want to share the full truth of the matter and risk being accused of being biased because of it. So thanks for making me feel like shit.

Best go report myself to the police for stalking. 😂

OP posts:

lyralalala · 22/06/2020 20:42

Tbh it's daft to be bothered over a photo. It obviously has a happy memory for him

I have a photo up of my Nana and I from my engagement party. I wouldn't spit on my ex if he was on fire. However, that photo was a) the nicest photo I've ever had of me and my Nana and b) she came out with a comment right after it was taken that was so funny I laughed so hard I couldn't breathe. It's a treasured memory.

The fact my relationship failed and my ex is a prick doesn't change the moment that photo captured.

Original poster

Bugeyedgirl · 22/06/2020 20:47

Ok thanks for your input. I wrongly thought it was weird especially as he hates me so much, did a short stint in prison and I "ruined" his life.

I'm glad you have happy memories from your engagement photos. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

I won't be returning to this post. Name changing back to my usual.

OP posts:

Lobsterquadrille2 · 22/06/2020 20:48

Hi OP, I would do exactly the same if my DD's father was on Facebook. I would also find it strange if he had anything, anywhere that was an association for him with either of us. I would feel compelled to check, especially with what he has put on social media on Father's Day in the past - what an idiot. My ex hasn't seen his DD for 17 years - she is 22 - and I don't harbour ill feelings, resentment, annoyance that he didn't pay anything - none of the above. But there is still a genuine and maybe morbid curiosity that he could cut her out of his life.

So if that makes me an obsessed would be stalker too, fine.

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