Stopping drinking for a while

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

This is it .....

mummywasasecretdrinker.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-obstacle-course.html?m=1

I have the Claire pooley book now but I'm just finishing off my current book before I start it.

She is the most relatable to me being a SAHM - although in London so still different. She also goes less into the huge routines and spiritual side than some I've read which also suits me - I just can't ever see myself meditating before picking up my phone etc it's all too much sometimes.

Also - she wasn't 'that bad' when she stopped. Which is good as it takes away the 'I'm fine' justification I have when I know deep down I don't want to drink the way I have way too many times

@fluckityfluckfluck yes! I have read that before and it is so true! By trying to moderate you do the hardest part over and over.

Gosh, I agree with railing, freezing individual glasses of wine to stop yourself drinking more than one sounds fairly extreme and somewhat depressing. Don't want to sound judgy as I know everyone finds their own little hacks to help themselves (mine is mainlining Wispas atm) but tbh I do think that story definitely backs up the idea that moderation is pointless, exhausting and probably uses up waaaayyyyy too much brain space!

@fluckityfluckfluck so true. Sober diaries is a good read but she is a textbook alcoholic. I was never like that. It makes it harder to relate. I’ll read a bit more of hers- thank you!

@Railingsohno she explains why it's so difficult and the impact on brain chemistry of one drink. I came away very certain that I couldn't be doing with that cycle and would rather skip it altogether. William Porter is also great. I honestly don't want to drink again now and I never aimed for that, ever.

@Patbutcherismyhero it sounds like you are making amazing steps! Realising you don't want the drink is a really good one. Re the watching hour, have you tried time resistant eating- so I eat between 6-8 hours a day most days I can, then fast the rest; there's lots of health benefits in fasting BUT it also really reduces snacking times! During those tricky times I try to walk, do yoga and am giving meditation a go. On that note, Deepak Chopra is offering a free 21 day meditation course; it's called 21 days Abundance. I decided to give it a go and finding it so helpful.

Day 8 here! Sleeping so much better now and way less grumpy!
Good luck to everyone today :)

*witching not watching lol

Yes, agree Fluckity, I found her the most relatable. Lol meditating before answering the phone... maybe Deepak will have me doing that one day

Interesting that you mention fasting @NeedAUserNameAllTaken. I was thinking about this as I wrote my last post.

I can't diet, in the sense of counting calories or 'moderating' my intake in that way. I find I get obsessed with what I can and can't eat and I end up spending all my time thinking about it. But I can fast - I find it easy and effortless and stress-free. It takes up absolutely no brain space, because the only rule is that you don't eat at all for a specific amount of time.

I think the same is true of drinking. All the 'rules' that I could put in place to moderate my intake - only drinking X amount, only on X days, not before X time, only X kind of drink - just sends me round the bend and makes me think about booze all the time! And I just spend all my time finding loopholes and justifying myself.

But 'I am not drinking at all today' is simple and straightforward and there's no wiggle room. It may not work for everyone but it does seem to be working for me.

I started 16/8 on about day 3 of AF. I'm loving it! Last night I had chocolate and af beer until 7pm and then stopped - never known before

Some real success stories and inspirations this week, well done!

Wasn't the best week for me last week but also wasn't the worst. I clocked 3 AF days and 32 units. We had friends round on both Friday and Saturday after barely seeing a soul so was lovely to do some catching up. Still packed away far more booze than I had intended so wasn't happy with myself on Sunday.

This week my plan is to have no plans. I'm AF til I make a conscious decision to drink. Sounds like a rubbish plan but I mean that I do not have any plans to drink, I don't want to get into the whole moderation/planning around alcohol loop because it is exhausting thinking about drinking. I don't even want to read any quit lit because I am tired of thinking about it all. I know my triggers; I know that I should take joy in simple/different things instead.

I need to adapt the mindset that by not drinking (or eating chocolate) I am gaining something, not losing something.

@Cherrybakewellard I really hope Thursday brings good news. Thinking of you this week x

What a nice thread - one day AF for me - mostly because I have a cold 😤 my aim is to try for mom - thurs none. Then be more moderate at the weekends. Things that I have found helpful before are forcefully glugging water between wine refills and always having sparkling water / lemonade handy.

Yeah I still really need to knock the chocolate intake on the head @fluckityfluckfluck, I am 50% Double Decker these days, I'm sure of it

Still, one thing at a time!

@Railingsohno & @BoxAndKnife
I do tend to agree with both of you is does seem like a lot of effort but he lives alone and has a fairly flexible job so he finds it the easiest way to keep control . It wouldn't work for me I couldnt be arsed with all the faffing ( and beer does not freeze well ! ) but It works for him so each to there own .

Morning all,

Hope everyone is doing well. Thinking of you for tomorrow Cherry. We are going glamping on Friday for the weekend which would normally see me packing lots of beer and wine, I'm only going to take some AF beer with me. I can't shift the feeling that it won't be as fun which is silly when I'm the only adult...

One of the books I've read/listened too talked about not drinking alone - I think this is key for me as I spend so much time alone. If I can still have the sociable drinks without making a tit of myself - but maybe that's just more delusion

Morning all. AF day for me yesterday. Hopefully will carry it on through the week and then maybe have a few weekend tipples but I'm very much playing it by ear rather then planning to drink. I'm definitely enjoying waking up feeling fresh and having that extra energy and motivation.

@fluckityfluckfluck I'm sort of the opposite. If I'm alone I feel less inclined to drink but when my dp is around we are more likely to have a drink together. I read the Clare Pooley article and it made a lot of sense to me. I suppose having a spell of dry days then going back to drinking again does feel very much like restarting the race. But I suppose it depends what your end goal is. I don't think I'll ever be fully tee total but I do want to cut back significantly. Glamping sounds great fun btw! I really need some ideas of stuff to do during the holidays. I've been working this week and my poor ds has been on his xbox and iPad for most of the week. Feeling bad about that.

Getting a lot of pressure from friends to organise another night out and for the moment I'm trying to put it off as much as possible. Those nights always lead to binging and that's what I'm trying to avoid at the moment.

Hope everyone else is well. Thinking of you for tomorrow @Cherrybakewellard x

@fluckityfluckfluck nooooo you’re doing so well, don’t get sucked back in! Why are you thinking you need the social drinks?

I don't know Railing..... maybe it's just fear of socialising without and the stigma. I'm naturally quiet shy (although I hide it well) and am scared of not having a social life if I have to do it sober I guess.

As much as I am loving this AF time it scares me to think I'll never have a drink again, which maybe says it all

@fluckityfluckfluck I’m similar and lockdown had been a blessing in that it’s got me through the worst bit without having to socialise. Actually being quite shy and quiet isn’t a bad thing. Maybe you need to reframe it?

@fluckityfluckfluck don’t worry on the stigma. My friends have not batted an eyelid! I’ve just been truthful but you could say you’re taking a break. People will surprise you.

@fluckityfluckfluck I think you need to consider what your end goal is. Do you want to be totally AF? Do you want to make the conscious choice not to drink at all at social engagements, weddings, Christmas or whatever? Or do you just want to reestablish your relationship with alcohol and cut back?

It's probably not in the spirit of this thread to say this but I dont think alcohol in moderation is a bad thing. We are allowed 14 units a week. Unless you regularly exceed that or alcohol becomes an obsession, crutch or problem for you I don't think you should beat yourself up over the odd social drink. I started this thread after a massive binge where I woke up feeling horrible, unwell and embarrassed. I didn't want to be there again. And so far I haven't. I also recognised that my lockdown drinking had become a bit much and wanted to cut back for the sake of my mood, health and weight. I haven't completely nailed it as you know but I do feel like I've made progress from where I was. Ultimately I'd like to be a take it or leave it drinker, reduce my drinking in the week and not over indulge or embarrass myself on nights out or occasions.

What is it that you want?

@Patbutcherismyhero that’s fine but I think a lot of us find it very difficult to moderate. I think if you’re honest you do too.

Maybe it’s certain personalities who struggle - @BoxAndKnife (I think ) was interesting up thread about it. I’ve tried to moderate for a year and it’s draining. I feel for people that come on saying I’ve had 4 AF nights and I’m going to have a drink tonight then have another night off etc..... the amount of headspace all that moderating takes up.....

@Railingsohno agreed, that's what I'm working on. Alcohol is addictive and it's very easy to slip into bad habits especially during a pandemic! But I think with some determination and self awareness you can totally readjust your mindset and make better choices without giving up altogether. I think heaping the pressure on to quit for good can sometimes seem like such a huge task that people are frightened to even begin. Take it a day at a time. Set achievable goals and don't beat yourself up if you have a blip. It's totally possible to enjoy alcohol in a sensible and moderate way. I haven't been doing that but I'm working on changing that.

Ok good luck! For me there has been a growing realisation over the last AF months that I don’t need alcohol in my life. I didn’t say never at the beginning either. If you feel you are giving it too much headspace then do consider totally giving up for a while. You might surprise yourself