Stopping drinking for a while

[Patbutcherismyhero]

Throughout lockdown I've gradually started drinking more and more. I now usually only have one day off a week. Last night I drank way too much and was sick, slept terribly and today I just feel awful mentally and physically. I need to cut back. It's become far too much far too often.

I hate waking in the night with anxiety and having to check my phone to if I put any shit on social media. I don't usually get hangovers but I always feel tired and lacking in motivation. Alcohol has become such a big part of my life but I know it's not healthy and I really need to stop for a while. Anyone else?

@fluckityfluckfluck Well done ! I bet you feel great .

@Patbutcherismyhero it is bloody hard work , dont give up as PP said try to find something to distract yourself , my neighbours must be sick to death of my screeching wonderful singing , head phones on and music turned up and dance with the cat

Thanks all. I'm too knackered and sluggish feeling tonight to do anything distracting but I've managed to stay off the booze. I've ordered some of the recommended books too including This Naked Mind and the Clare Pooley one.

Early night for me I think. Hope everyone else is ok. How are you feeling @Cherrybakewellard

@Patbutcherismyhero if you are sluggish and tired you should follow my wise DDs advised ;

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lie down over there >>> ( sofa / floor / bed depending on time of day ) and watch the inside if your eye lids while counting your breaths .

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It took me about 6 months of him doing most friday nights ( his only night off work ) for me to realise it was his way of getting me to go to sleep ! but I was only about 6 .

Talking of sluggish...has anyone else found that since going AF their digestive transit is a little slower than usual? Or, maybe, a LOT slower? I am feeling quite uncomfortable and as if I could easily lose 10lbs, but all in one go...

Or is this just another wonderful symptom from the box of delights that is the peri-menopause?

Alcohol can stimulate the digestive system 😁.

Maybe some fibre tablets or a handful of prunes every day.

@BoxAndKnife
I had the same issue last time I gave up
( been ok for soon reason this time )
when you do manage to go make sure you are holding on to something heavy the floor , radiator , sink , toilet or whatever else is near by. or you will be blown off the loo ! and my god the smell . . .

Thanks for asking @Patbutcherismyhero I'm all over the place. Got biopsy on Tuesday and then it's a waiting game. Shitting my metaphorical pants.
I had more wine than I should have last night and had a good emotional overdose so in a weird way I think it'll help the AF situation.
I live in a village which has multiple award winning vineyards, not many houses but loads of grapes 😂 and one of the vineyards has its open day today. I've been asked to go at lunchtime but I've been good and said no.

@Cherrybakewellard talk about temptation right on your doorstep! Try not to worry too much, the waiting is the worst part.

I had a bit of an epiphany last night. Stayed AF and came to bed clear headed and feeling pretty chilled. Usually at that time I'd have had a few gins or glasses of wine and would have that fuzzy headed feeling before going to sleep. The clarity and calmness is actually a nice thing. I enjoy the first glass usually. Then I generally have a second because why not. But anymore after that just seems pointless and greedy when I'm just sat at home waiting to go to bed.

Going to try and stay AF over the weekend and go from there.

Hi Pat, I just skim read the entire post. It is clear you are struggling. A lot of what you've said resonates. I come from a family of alcoholics & was a habitual drinker my entire adult life apart from when pregnant & BF. I think you may now be coming to the conclusion that this is a problem for you & drinking "normally" is not going to be a possibility. Unfortunately, if the tendency is there, then this won't work because the grip of booze gradually tightens & drinking escalates. I did sober October so many times, deluding myself that if I could do this then I didn't have a problem & that I will do "normal drinking" afterwards, but by Christmas I was drinking as much as before & I'd be left feeling angry with myself.

As 2020 dawned, the 10 year anniversary of my DM's death approached. Thoughts of my own mortality screamed in my ear. The damage I was doing to myself & how I didn't want to leave my DC heartbroken by losing me too early. After a boozy Christmas & new year, I decided to have another month off & started Dry January. I have taken things a day at a time & it hasn't been easy, but I am approaching 200 days & really proud of myself. I suggest you start with small goals & gradually increase. Install the Dry January app. (It works all year) Also Dry days, Easy quit drinking & I am sober apps. These apps & the associated groups/communities have got me to this stage. It is hard & without the support, I couldn't have done it. Also, at the start I found having some fake booze around for tricky times helped me, even though I most certainly did, like you, drink for effect rather than taste, I still found this useful.

Keep up the good work. You CAN do this!

@FuckYouCorona thank you for your insight and well done on 200 days, that's amazing. It's very hard when you have come from a family of drinkers and drinking is just the norm. We are planning a family meal in the next few weeks and quite frankly not sharing a bottle of wine with my mum just seems unfathomable because it's what we've always done.

I hear what you're saying and I know the boozy binging nights out have to stop. They largely have. It's been a very long time since I've woken up knowing i behaved appallingly the night before. Due to the pandemic I don't really have the opportunity for that and when I do I know how to regulate now.

The weeknight drinking has also gotten too regular in lockdown but I put that down to boredom and stress. I would be able to like to see booze as a treat. Something to enjoy at the weekend or on a special occasion. Not a crutch to be used daily. I don't know if I will ever fully give up because frankly I like alcohol. But I do see that I need to readdress my relationship with it and make big cut backs.

I want to be a take it or leave it person.

I hear you on the boozy family @Patbutcherismyhero, my family like a drink or several! Not drinking to them is unfathomable, I think this is perhaps why drinking and a fair bit is so normal too me, hence how I've slid into such bad habits. That said, lately, my mum's drinking is starting to become a warning too me- it's not out of control but, although she would like to think she's in control, and tries to prove this with dry months, she's not really, she's loves a drink a bit too much. She can moderate but it's a constant awareness. Makes me think that I'd rather be free! I see this in my whole family; my grandma drinks wine now instead of whisky to moderate , my brother drank the night before he started chemo.... dunno where I'm going with this
Anyway, day 5 here. Feeling tired, very grumpy yesterday but do seem to have more time on my hands which is great!
Hope all are well, hope you are okay @Cherrybakewellard x

I'm in the same family situation in regards to alcohol @Patbutcherismyhero and @NeedAUserNameAllTaken and to make it worse my husbands family are cider makers and publicans so an AF relative, no make that a vegetarian AF relative like me would be sent to rehab for all the wrong reasons 😂

I resisted the vineyard but I'll be honest I can't see me doing man AF weekend. My head isn't in it.

How did yesterday go for you all?

Day 6 here! Starting to sleep better and realise how low my energy was, feeling really positive and reading lots to try keep that mindset... at the moment a life AF feels like a gift, I think because the books helped reframe it for me as I've not had this before! There were many stop starts on giving up previously. Many
How's everyone else?
How are you doing Cherry? I hope you are ok.

The have been AF since Wednesday and feeling better for it. Hopefully can make it through tonight without giving in!

You can do it Pat!

@Patbutcherismyhero the feeling of clarity and calmness you described further up, remember that later. And how nice it'll be to wake up in the morning hangover free.
I was drinking every evening - bottle of wine, sometimes a bit more, for years. Now 136 days AF. Find something you can do t distract yourself if the wine witch pop's up. My ( a bit of a cliché i know but they worked) were long soak in the bath, took myself off for a walk, yoga session, word game app to keep my hands and mind busy.

Well done Pat and morning all. I've 30 days done now which for some reason makes me feel like I should have a drink tonight - even though I don't really want to go back to that....

Crap weather makes AF harder for sure

Well done @Patbutcherismyhero, that's brilliant. I agree with trying to remember that feeling of clarity and wellbeing - it feels so much better than the third glass that you probably didn't even notice drinking, iyswim!

I've had another 7 days AF after last Friday's slightly pointless birthday drink. It's been useful for me to think about the things that still make me feel good about my birthday a week later. So it's the beautiful flowers that DH got me that are still going strong, the lovely Neal's Yard bath oil from ds that I had a lovely relaxing bath with, the delicious curry from our new favourite place that we all shared that night. And it's absolutely not, in any way, the two rather mediocre and disappointing glasses of wine (and it was good wine as well, not crap!) I also had!

That probably sounds a bit goody-goody but I suppose what I'm trying to say is that I'm realising it is almost never the actual booze that makes an experience good or enjoyable. In fact it's quite often the opposite! Sorry if that's a bit twee or too obvious but it's helping me to get my head around an AF life!

@fluckityfluckfluck, 30 days is fantastic!

Thanks Box. I don't think there's any need to discount the progress you made before your birthday, rather than counting the streak count the AF days in a month. A blip or two or three doesn't cancel all the AF days.

@Patbutcherismyhero

The have been AF since Wednesday and feeling better for it. Hopefully can make it through tonight without giving in!

Well done @Patbutcherismyhero just keep going! 💪🏻

@fluckityfluckfluck that’s awesome. Well done!

@BoxAndKnife you are so right! I think mindfulness is such a powerful tool. So much about alcohol is actually numbing the senses.

I am now on 159 days. Pretty pleased with myself. Still feel like a glass of wine most days, miss the end of day wind down ones the most. Might try the Naked Mind podcast as I still feel deprived. Would be nice to change the mindset. On a more positive the sense of being free from the inner monologue Is immense.

Well I finally managed an AF Saturday! This never happens. I nearly caved at one point but managed not to and it's so refreshing to wake up early with no alcohol after effects on a Sunday. And it's a beautiful day!

How is everyone else doing?

Yes Pat!!!!! Whoop! Amazingly well done.

I'm so glad the weather has shifted, am just searching on-line trying to figure somewhere different to go for a walk today.

I'm missing my kids and feeling a little alone this morning, so need to be proactive or I'll slip into a slump.

I realised yesterday how stupid it was to feel I should have a drink as I've done 30 days so I didn't. Are a load of chocolate and ice-cream instead. Two weeks until the housewarming/40th dilemma so would like to get to that really