Should I not have reported him?

[janey786]

Around 6 weeks ago, after a few weeks in our new home, we had an altercation with our neighbour. My dog barked (ONCE!) - a new dog we'd had a few days so we were learning the signals etc. (older rescue) and he went mental at DH and me.

He's fairly old (80s) and told me how I was a bully (no idea where that came from), he threatened to try and get DH fired and said he would kill the dogs if the dogs don't kill me first.

Now when we moved we were very nice to him, had convo but it was at the beginning of lockdown, so we've had to be careful with meeting neighbours. We put a note through his door to introduce ourselves (again) and said to let us know if he needed anything.

Anyway, I spoke to the other neighbours who said he has verbally abused them and there's been complaints about him for years. He then started banging so loud on our adjoining wall (semi) usually when I would let the dogs out for their nighttime wee (no barking or anything).

He made it clear there was no chance of reconciliation, on VE Day the neighbours sat on their drives and he told anyone who asked how awful we had made his life, whilst sat only several meters away and able to hear everything.

I reported him to the council. He's a tenant and the landlord didn't care so I thought a letter was the only way to show I am not a pushover. Apparently he's very upset and has spoken to the neighbours I speak to regularly about it.

I suddenly feel so guilty. Was I in the wrong?

Reported him to the council for what?

Honestly, I don't understand why you are giving this so much headspace. He's a miserable old sod and everyone knows it. Ignore him and enjoy your new home.

I wouldn't have reported him at that stage. Have you tried talking to him? He sounds like he may have dementia or be a bit confused too

He sounds thoroughly unpleasant and no you were not wrong for reporting him.

I don't understand what you could have reported him for ? Neighbours don't have to get on with you and there may be a reason he is finding your rescue dog particularly difficult.
Moving into a new house and deciding your focus is reporting an old man so he doesn't think you are a pushover, is bizarre. You would have been better putting the effort into building bridges.
Resorting to 'telling tales on an elderly man in the hope of threatening his home is so mean spirited I hope this is a troll. Also reporting people doesn't make you seem strong or not like a 'pushover'. The opposite in fact.

I wouldn't report this elderly man at all.You don't really know this man at all, or if he might have dementia, or some other issues. Does he live alone. Some older people can get very grumpy and confrontational in old age,and complain about everything in today's modern world., and live in the past so to speak.

You can either ignore him. although it's not a nice thing to do. or try and speak to him,or humour him in some way, Always worth a try.

"we had an altercation with our neighbour. My dog barked (ONCE!) - a new dog we'd had a few days so we were learning the signals etc. (older rescue)"

Well you've clearly started hard on the BS line of defence so I'm going to belive the neighbour is in the right here and you're trying to make up some contemporary evidence for future.

"My dog barked once" of course it did

Why do you feel guilty? He's harassing you in your own home.
Are you more embarrassed that he's "outed" you to the neighbours? From what you're saying, they've probably all had their own troubles with him too, just never bad enough for them to report him.

Harassment is a reportable offence - you've done the right thing. If no one ever does anything about it, he'll just carry on. Hopefully this will stop it.

He sounds like a grumpy old coot. Maybe he even has some issues, you don't know. I would just try to ignore him as much as possible. I certainly wouldn't waste time worrying about it.

How many dogs have you got?

Sin8E

Well you've clearly started hard on the BS line of defence so I'm going to belive the neighbour is in the right here and you're trying to make up some contemporary evidence for future.

This is not how MN works. If we all immediately doubt the OP....then there'd just be a shitshow on every post.

It’s fine to report him. Threatening to kill your dog is awful.

Is it worth waiting a few weeks and then popping across with a cake and saying that you really want to get on and can you all start again?

We have a 90+ year old misery guts a few doors down

He’s out nasty notes through our door and we caught him come around the back of our house to nose at renovations when we first moved in

He’s like it with everyone as far as I can tell

Thinks he is most important on the row of houses as he’s been here the longest

The last note he sent said that we’d ruined the row since moving in

I just feel sorry for him. Must be a shit existence to have that much hate inside after so many years.

He won’t be around forever

What exactly did you report him for OP? And what do you expect the council to do in your case?

It seems that old people can get off with anything. Only on MN could threatening to kill your.dog be "grumpy".

Although I am a bit sceptical about the dog just.barking once

picks splinters out of arse

If the dispute involves a statutory nuisance (something like loud music or barking dogs), you can make a complaint to your local council. Contact the police if your neighbour is breaking the law by being violent or harassing you. As a last resort you can take legal action through the courts.

Resolving neighbour disputes - GOV.UK
www.gov.uk › ... › Noise, neighbours, pets and pests

If you get nothing from the council, OP, go to the police instead.

He is probably the reason the people who lived in your house before left.

What have you reported him for and who to?

I would have reported it too tbh from what you have said. Sounds there is no chance of any compromise or anything, and hes just going to whine on and be unpleasant. IF hes in the beginning stages of dementia or something, I don't think this means OP has to put up with such behaviour and just ignore it. Obviously if its that help is needed but that doesn't mean it should be normal to have neighbours abusing you.

I think I probably would have tried to ignore him a bit more, but the banging on the walls and saying thinks about killing your pet? Might possibly have pushed me to action, especially if it showed no chance of ending, which it sounds like.

My late father had dementia. In the early stages, he was like your neighbour, aggressive with neighbours over the slightest thing.

Surely you would have reported him to the police for threatening to kill the dog as that is just vile regardless of age. I'm sure its not nice listening to him slate you to the neighbours but you probably need to let that go and remember that they have probably been victims of his abuse before.

I’d say he probably has dementia. It causes people to behave like this and they can become quite fixated. No fix unfortunately, even at the extreme and being spoken to by police etc generally makes no difference. Everyone is in a bad spot.

" He then started banging so loud on our adjoining wall (semi) usually when I would let the dogs out for their nighttime wee (no barking or anything)."

I don't understand how he would even know you were doing it then.

I think you and your rescue dogs might be noisier than you think.

Even if he is being a cantankerous git, I just can't see what you'd report him for.

And now he's telling everyone that you've reported him to both his landlord and the council, you suddenly feel guilty?

I think you might actually just be feeling a bit ashamed and embarrassed now that everyone knows.

Did the previous owners declare this nuisance neighbour?