Should I not have reported him?

[janey786]

Around 6 weeks ago, after a few weeks in our new home, we had an altercation with our neighbour. My dog barked (ONCE!) - a new dog we'd had a few days so we were learning the signals etc. (older rescue) and he went mental at DH and me.

He's fairly old (80s) and told me how I was a bully (no idea where that came from), he threatened to try and get DH fired and said he would kill the dogs if the dogs don't kill me first.

Now when we moved we were very nice to him, had convo but it was at the beginning of lockdown, so we've had to be careful with meeting neighbours. We put a note through his door to introduce ourselves (again) and said to let us know if he needed anything.

Anyway, I spoke to the other neighbours who said he has verbally abused them and there's been complaints about him for years. He then started banging so loud on our adjoining wall (semi) usually when I would let the dogs out for their nighttime wee (no barking or anything).

He made it clear there was no chance of reconciliation, on VE Day the neighbours sat on their drives and he told anyone who asked how awful we had made his life, whilst sat only several meters away and able to hear everything.

I reported him to the council. He's a tenant and the landlord didn't care so I thought a letter was the only way to show I am not a pushover. Apparently he's very upset and has spoken to the neighbours I speak to regularly about it.

I suddenly feel so guilty. Was I in the wrong?

@brefugee we work in the local community and rely on reputation for business.

It would never amount to anything, but would still mean unnecessary involvement.

OP YANBU to have reported him. He's made threats against you and your dogs and harassed you. There are some ridiculous posts on this thread. No way should you have to put up with such shit from a neighbour just because he's elderly. If he's isolated and you've got concerns for his welfare you could pursue from this angle as well, but nothing about him means you should have to tolerate the way he's treating you.

"'telling tales on an elderly man in the hope of threatening his home is so mean spirited I hope this is a troll."

That can only have been written with the intention of upsetting the OP.

The phrase "telling tales" is only ever used to try to belittle someone. All it actually does is make the person saying appear like a condescending twat.

When a neighbour threatens to kill a pet, bangs on the walls and speaks badly about people loudly in front of other neighbours it's bullying/harassing behaviour clearly meant to intimidate. Odd that some PP seem to wilfully overlook it because it involves an older person.

Op YANBU, he sounds like an awful neighbour and it sounds like everyone on your road is likely to already agree so don't worry about it.

When a neighbour threatens to kill a pet, bangs on the walls and speaks badly about people loudly in front of other neighbours it's bullying/harassing behaviour clearly meant to intimidate. Odd that some PP seem to wilfully overlook it because it involves an older person.

^This. I just find it baffling that some people don't seem to get it that unpleasant people eventually become unpleasant people who are elderly. It's hardly rocket science, is it?

We have a problem neighbour in our cul de sac. He is bipolar (surprising how many people are) and in his mid-sixties. We are all quite sorry for him as he doesn't seem to be managing very well but he is aggressive to the social workers so it is hard for anyone to help him. He thinks all sorts of strange things are going on and always tells me bizarre stories about his immediate neighbours and what they are up to (it is obviously not true but he believes it really happened). He is also loud and very argumentative. I have known older people with dementia who behave like this too. Dementia or a mental illness, whichever it is, your neighbour can't help it and can't do anything about it. I would just avoid him as much as possible and just respond in a non-confrontational manner if you are forced into a conversation with him.

@mrsjoyfulprizeforraffiawork I hear what you're saying. My DB has serious MH issues, like my DSis and me, he was badly impacted by the abuse we went through. I know his issues aren't his fault and it's horribly tragic to see how damaged he is. But he easily becomes loud and aggressive and used to scare our DDs, so we can't have him in our house and I'm very low contact with him.

However, I could never imagine him threatening to kill someone's pet, that's just plain nasty.

I had an evil old man for a neighbour. He threatened us and bullied us until I reported him to the police who came round and spoke to him. Then we had sullen silence until he moved out. He died shortly after, having that much rage inside must be very unhealthy

if you think the threat to your pets is real, then you need to involve the police. The relationship is never likely to be good though

3rd post mentioning the possibility of dementia

Ding ding ding.

Don’t think I’ve seen it so early, well done.

Some people are just arseholes. Doesn’t matter if they are 80, 18 or 28.

The fact he’s been doing it for years points to him being an arsehole and not ill

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. I think you've done exactly the right thing in reporting your neighbour's harassment and vile threats to your dogs to the police and his landlord. You and your dogs have a legal right to live peacefully, privately and safely in your own home. I hope that there is resolution for you.

I always think that people moaning about dogs barking need to just accept it as part of life in a normal street. I hear dogs barking and, unless it goes on relentlessly for hours, it isn't really a big deal.

It's unlikely to be that incessant if the dog is being well cared for and walked regularly.

Reporting people is awkward. My first two weeks back at work, I was kept up every night by a guy in the flats across the road from us blaring music all night. He'd turn it on around 10pm and it would still be on when I left for work at 7.30am the next morning.
Reported it to the council as I'd had enough of it. The ASBO officer took ages to reply asking me to call him, and I haven't as I've now not heard a peep in about a fortnight 😂😂 wondering if I jumped the gun reporting it.

@Meggie2008

Some people report people to the police and council. Some people use other methods to resolve issues.

I would be reporting him for feeding the foxes

Jesus he's 80! Give the man some leeway. Just ignore him and live your life. So what if he's spreading things? You said your neighbours all know what he's like. Just leave the old man alone.

@Sunshineeeee

Jesus he's 80! Give the man some leeway. Just ignore him and live your life. So what if he's spreading things? You said your neighbours all know what he's like. Just leave the old man alone.

He bangs on the wall and threatens her dogs

Should she really leave him to his enjoyment?

@Sunshineeeee

Jesus he's 80! Give the man some leeway. Just ignore him and live your life. So what if he's spreading things? You said your neighbours all know what he's like. Just leave the old man alone.

So age allows you to do whatever you want?!

Hi all,

Thanks.

He called me today as I walked past. OVERLY nice, very kind, caring and neighbourly.

So I was kind and nice back. I told him to let us know if we can help him in any way.
It seems like the letter has made him realise how upset he made us. I will see.

He did say he's helping the dogs by leaving a bowl of food in his garden for them so they'll come straight past our garden to not disturb the dogs. Terrible logic.

*bowl of food for the foxes

I actually think its weirdly ageist and patronising to suggest that people can do what they want just because they're elderly.

How would all of you feel if it was a 40 year old man hammering on the party wallander saying he'd kill your pets?

I think most dog owners will recognise that "the dog only barked once" is bullshit so there's no reason to believe any of it. With the best will in the world you can't stop a dog barking completely.

In any case didn't we read this same story (slightly altered) just a week or so ago?

"I always think that people moaning about dogs barking need to just accept it as part of life in a normal street"

I wish I were your neighbour. I feel the same about playing heavy metal with all the windows open. People are just so fussy these days

Sadly not illegal to feed foxes in your garden. Should be, because it attracts them more into urban areas - but since they're there anyway...

@Sunshineeeee really? Leave the man alone? Because he is old?
Fuck him he is rude and threatening. Take action op and don't be an ageist

I think most dog owners will recognise that "the dog only barked once" is bullshit so there's no reason to believe any of it. With the best will in the world you can't stop a dog barking completely

As a dog owner who knows quite a lot of other dog owners, I recognise that what you're saying is bullshit. Most dogs rarely bark at home. There might be the odd bark of excitement or alarm (which I imagine is what OP is talking about. The ones you hear barking for long periods are neglected.

Why do you think a dog might not bark once?