Should I not have reported him?

[janey786]

Around 6 weeks ago, after a few weeks in our new home, we had an altercation with our neighbour. My dog barked (ONCE!) - a new dog we'd had a few days so we were learning the signals etc. (older rescue) and he went mental at DH and me.

He's fairly old (80s) and told me how I was a bully (no idea where that came from), he threatened to try and get DH fired and said he would kill the dogs if the dogs don't kill me first.

Now when we moved we were very nice to him, had convo but it was at the beginning of lockdown, so we've had to be careful with meeting neighbours. We put a note through his door to introduce ourselves (again) and said to let us know if he needed anything.

Anyway, I spoke to the other neighbours who said he has verbally abused them and there's been complaints about him for years. He then started banging so loud on our adjoining wall (semi) usually when I would let the dogs out for their nighttime wee (no barking or anything).

He made it clear there was no chance of reconciliation, on VE Day the neighbours sat on their drives and he told anyone who asked how awful we had made his life, whilst sat only several meters away and able to hear everything.

I reported him to the council. He's a tenant and the landlord didn't care so I thought a letter was the only way to show I am not a pushover. Apparently he's very upset and has spoken to the neighbours I speak to regularly about it.

I suddenly feel so guilty. Was I in the wrong?

Do you know if he has any family or friends who come and see him, or is he on his own? I just wonder if there was someone you could have a chat with and work out what is going on? Whilst I’m not really sure what you have reported him for either, it may be a good thing for someone from the council to pop in and see him if there are health concerns. I don’t think it is worth him potentially being moved though, he sounds curmudgeonly and I would be fuming if someone threatened to harm my dog, but it’s worth looking into.

I’d assume the neighbours know what he’s like. Did the old owners of your house declare him before you bought the house?.

What was he telling your neighbours u were doing which was so awful?

No I would not have reported him.I would have tried to rise above the situation of a difficult old man

He obviously is not mentally well/ suffers with dementia and I would not report him for slagging me off to the neighbours. I would for the banging on the wall if it was prolonged enough to disturb me though.

I get that it is irritating having someone beside you giving out about dog barking esp if to you it seems reasonable? Maybe dog was home alone when you were at shops & it barked non-stop. Is it a big dog with a big bark? Perhaps he is afraid of it? It sounds odd he'd threaten your DH's job over it...how did that even come up.

You did report him so he is not telling untruths about that. He is entitled to be upset that you reported him. You must have known he would become aware of it & that would have some sort of reaction to it. As you have pointed out to us that he is a tenant then clearly you are aware that reporting may threaten his home. You are also discussing him with people to have come by the knowledge that he is upset etc. Yet it seems you think it unfair he discussed you with neighbours, within earshot.

I think monitor the dog carefully that it is not creating a nuisance for him, don't speak to neighbours about him in a derogatory manner...they are obviously telling you what he says & vice versa...make it clear at every opportunity that you want to live harmoniously as neighbours....and hope things settle down. Your reporting might have been the end of that though...unlikely that he'll change his mind & see you as the lovely new people next door.

I don’t blame you for reporting. I think I would have to

He maybe old, he maybe I’ll, but no one has the right to make threats, bang on walls or harass. And from what you say he’s not I’ll, neighbours have confirmed he’s been verbally abusive to them as well

These bullies get away with it ‘ because they are old’ but actually they shouldn’t

why does his being a tenant mean he's less worthy of attention or whatever?

Find out if there were any issues between him and the previous owners of the house. It could just be you have taken the place of an old issue but if that does turn out to be the case the seller was legally obliged to report issues when they sold the house.

Just because he's old it doesn't excuse that kind of behaviour. Threatening to kill a dog and being verbally abusive isn't on. He may have issues of his own, he may just be a miserable old wanker.

Not sure what reporting him will achieve however. It'll probably just fuel his irrational hatred of you. But maybe if someone official has a word with him he might realise it's not on? I wish you luck, it's not nice to have to deal with that.

You reported him to the council for not liking you?

miserable old sod
grumpy old coot
old misery guts
miserable old wanker

This is what ageism looks like. This is what it sounds like.

Miserable black sod
Grumpy jewish coot
Gay misery guts
Miserable deaf wanker

The casual use of 'old' as a term of abuse harms us ALL.

How many dogs do you have?

I don't know if I would have reported him (although if he is bordering on dementia and has no family, it may be useful for someone to know that his behaviour is deteriorating). But it sounds as though the whole neighbourhood knows exactly what he's like, and may not even believe the 'they reported me' stories he tells anyway. Especially if they come mixed in with a long line of other complaints.

Keep your head down now, OP. Don't engage, don't try to be kind and reasonable but don't be confrontation either. Just act as though he isn't there, watch the dogs' behaviours so he can't counter-argue (perhaps a video monitor if you leave the dogs alone at home, so you can record what they are doing in case he tries the 'they bark all day and night' ploy).

And just try to stay out of his orbit. Chances are someone else will enrage him soon and he will switch focus.

My dog barked (ONCE!)

I’m calling bullshit on this.

What exactly did you report him for, OP?

There is no evidence that he has dementia. If he has dementia and is talking in such a way he needs reporting to social services for his own welfare.

If he is being a nuisance noise wise then yes, you are within your rights to report him, you are also within your rights to have peaceful enjoyment of your property.

People forget that nasty people can be nasty and just be nasty old people, being old is not a get out. I know plenty of old people who were nasty in their younger days and the do not have dementia.

I would be looking into if your vendors did make a complaint.

I would also be sitting this one out, as you have made a complaint and would have to declare.

What weird world do people live in that they go around reporting or asking should I report someone? It seems to me you in your own snide PA way are as unpleasant as him. Really, who are you people?

@Plusher

miserable old sod grumpy old coot old misery guts miserable old wanker

This is what ageism looks like. This is what it sounds like.

Miserable black sod
Grumpy jewish coot
Gay misery guts
Miserable deaf wanker

The casual use of 'old' as a term of abuse harms us ALL.

I said exactly the same but on the thread about the "rude, hateful, obnoxious, bitch/piece of shit woman " horse rider.

Apparently it's ok though.

On the other hand, he doesn't sound like he's got dementia, he's just really unpleasant. You have the right to live in your property without banging on the walls or intimidation of threats to your pets.

Hopefully the letter from the council will do the trick and he pipes down.

Yes you should have reported him, hes harrassing you in your own house, regardless of age, thats not acceptable

I'm not sure why you feel guilty.
I would try to keep an eye on him but monitor & just hope he doesn't escalate.

He sound like a harmless grumpy (nasty but all talk no action) guy. Now you have a baseline documented.

And a lot of you need to get a heck of a better understanding as to what nuisance and harassment actually are if they are to form the basis of any sort of civil or criminal complaint. There are some utterly preposterous pronouncements here. Having a cantankerous neighbour does not have to be declared when selling your house.

How many dogs do you have? You say “my dog barked once”, then start talking about “dogs”.

There's a lot of weird posts on this thread, suggesting that OP should put up with verbal abuse from somebody because they are old.

Nobody should put up with verbal abuse from anybody.

Someone like that I would just kill with kindness. Every time I saw him I’d be overly nice. He’s obviously lonely and miserable.

People forget that nasty people can be nasty and just be nasty old people, being old is not a get out. I know plenty of old people who were nasty in their younger days and the do not have dementia.

^This in spades. I think a lot of people forget that an unpleasant young person will very likely become an unpleasant elderly person. They don't miraculously become gentle old people.