Should I not have reported him?

[janey786]

Around 6 weeks ago, after a few weeks in our new home, we had an altercation with our neighbour. My dog barked (ONCE!) - a new dog we'd had a few days so we were learning the signals etc. (older rescue) and he went mental at DH and me.

He's fairly old (80s) and told me how I was a bully (no idea where that came from), he threatened to try and get DH fired and said he would kill the dogs if the dogs don't kill me first.

Now when we moved we were very nice to him, had convo but it was at the beginning of lockdown, so we've had to be careful with meeting neighbours. We put a note through his door to introduce ourselves (again) and said to let us know if he needed anything.

Anyway, I spoke to the other neighbours who said he has verbally abused them and there's been complaints about him for years. He then started banging so loud on our adjoining wall (semi) usually when I would let the dogs out for their nighttime wee (no barking or anything).

He made it clear there was no chance of reconciliation, on VE Day the neighbours sat on their drives and he told anyone who asked how awful we had made his life, whilst sat only several meters away and able to hear everything.

I reported him to the council. He's a tenant and the landlord didn't care so I thought a letter was the only way to show I am not a pushover. Apparently he's very upset and has spoken to the neighbours I speak to regularly about it.

I suddenly feel so guilty. Was I in the wrong?

He sounds like a nightmare and whatever you do he will create havoc and aggression, some people if they have nothing else going on in their lives love to get in arguments and feel like they are a victim.
I think you were right to report him as this is the only way to get him to stop his bullying. Hopefully it will give him pause to think and he will move on to an easier target.

OK - what did you report him for?

I call bullshit.

This man threatened to kill your dog, you were right to report him. If he does have dementia at least the authorities can help him.

Did you tel, him you wanted his trees to be cut down? As this sounds familiar.

why does his being a tenant mean he's less worthy of attention or whatever?

I think it's more that it's a way to threaten him - report him to a landlord and see if they can bring him into line.

@janey786 wow arn't some neighbours vile! If he threatened to kill my dog ill make him regret it. I will always protect my dogs and ill die for them. When he bangs on the wall put some music on and drown it out. He was probably always a nasty man and will die miserable and alone with his behaviour. Don't bother trying to befriend him he has made it quite clear what he thinks of you.

I appreciate it must be very unpleasant living next door to this man, but I wouldn’t have reported him. What do you think would have happened to him if his LL had decided to evict him ? You have no idea what has happened in his life to make him this way, or if he has dementia.

Reported him for what?

You shouldn’t have to put up with abuse, but I agree with pp that he may very well have dementia.

My dad has dementia and so does the man next door. They have a horribly irrational dispute going on over some ivy on the fence. Both my mum and the neighbour’s wife are distraught about the situation. My dad spent his life being a gentle, respectful, educated man, and still is for the main part; but when this neighbour is mentioned, his face changes and he makes rude, foul remarks about him.

The neighbour’s wife speaks similarly about her husband, but we have only witnessed a horrible, cantankerous man arguing with dad. Neither man can be talked out of it.

It’s deeply upsetting.

Reported for antisocial behaviour:

• angrily came over our fence and shouted at us
• threatening the dogs
• threatening our jobs.

Tried talking to him on many occasions but he wouldn't talk to me without DH "because I'm not the man of the house"

@Sin8e only barked once at the foxes (he feeds them) and then he came straight over the fence. I was outside to stop her barking.

We have two small dogs - both rescues, one as a puppy so was easy from the beginning. Second one is the new older dog, now is very well behaved as she's been trained.

I feel guilty because apparently he was "sad".

Should add (trying not to drip feed! I wrote that late at night in a state of panic) he kept putting passive aggressive notes in the door about the dogs. He hates dogs in general, the majority of the street has dogs.

When speaking to the council, I explained behaviour but stated I was concerned about his welfare and if he does have dementia.
The letter was their first attempt at contact.

Not trying to ever get him to move out and he's been there a long time so couldn't be removed anyway!

I wouldn't want to live next door to either of you tbh.

You'll just have to put up with it until he dies and hope you get a more tolerant neighbour next time, because nothing he's done is going to warrant council intervention.

He has threatened your dogs and bangs on the wall, but will say it is in response to barking/noise.

@rawlikesushi the neighbours knew I was reporting him, so not embarrassed. They agreed with me. They just text to say he got the letter and seemed sad, I just feel upset it came to it.

Not sure how people can't see what I reported him for...

People seem confused. I have NOT reported him for "slagging us off"

The neighbours he has verbally abused and supported the complaint.

@lindalovescake not the same but seems like we would get on!

I don't understand what you could have reported him for?

Threatening to kill their dog.
Being abusive.
Unreasonable noise- banging on walls.

This is not how MN works. If we all immediately doubt the OP....then there'd just be a shitshow on every post.

You must be new here. That is precisely how MN works.

OP,

Having read all of your updates, it sounds like you had good reason to report...so don't feel guilty then.

Has he modified his behaviour at all since learning of the report...?

he's been there a long time so couldn't be removed anyway!
This ^^ simply isn't true. If he's a tenant then there will be clauses in his lease about being able to evict because of anti-social behaviour. The length of time he has been there doesn't make any difference.
You may not have considered that possible impact in your rush to report but just because you didn't think about it, doesn't mean it can't happen.

Dogs don't just bark once.

Also I expect your dogs are barking when out for their wee.

You probably can't hear it.

I have some people who love a few doors down, their dogs bark pretty much all day and well into the night.

When others complain, their reaction is complete shock.
My next door pals had to record the noise and make them listen to it for them to understand.

They simply blocked the noise out.

I think it's more that it's a way to threaten him - report him to a landlord and see if they can bring him into line.

this with the agist language is really quite sad.

As PP have said - most people i know who have dogs just don't realise quite how much noise they make (and how their house smells of dog). I'd be trying to build bridges even if he is only a tenant so i had the moral high ground.

And ignore the rest. How can he threaten your jobs? You reported him to his landlord and threatened the roof over his head. You're quits now.

@ATomeOfOnesOwn it is true, he is protected. It would be a long court battle for him to be removed for anything other than not paying his rent. He's been there's since 80s

The dogs NEVER go outside without us present, issues with the fence and animals coming through so we always go out with them. So I know exactly when they bark.

I do think he could have dementia since I've researched the signs!