Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's ironic about Niqab and face coverings

616 replies

IsntItIronicDontYouThink · 18/06/2020 10:00

Just thought about this and how ironically, face coverings have become mandatory on public transports and it makes me think of Muslim women (Niqab wearing women specifically) who've had a hard time because of their face coverings to now find that everyone has to cover their faces (for different reasons yes but still ironic, isn't it?)

Googled to see if anyone else mentions this. Here's a piece I found about it (There's more but just picked this one).

www.google.com/amp/s/metro.co.uk/2020/06/12/face-mask-compulsory-muslim-women-12838585/amp/

OP posts:
Linning · 21/06/2020 21:24

@Pepperwort

Linning everything you say is sexualising and politicising women's bodies.
How am I sexualizing women body when I am about the only one in this thread who do not feel the need nor right to look at a woman’s face and/or body more than she is willing to show me.

I don’t think a women’s body is sexual regardless of if she is naked or under a burka, a woman’s body is just that, a body and the only people who should feel any sort of entitlement to it are the women who own those specific body (aka themselves).

Pepperwort · 21/06/2020 21:38

Why do we need to worry so much about what we "show"? Why do you think so much needs to be hidden? That's the sexualisation, just as surely as overtly sexualised skimpy clothes are.
I am stumbling around here. Perhaps it's just an over-reliance on worrying about the perception of others.
The religious element uses women's bodies as advertising boards for religious belief. It forces religion into public life. I do not care what beliefs people espouse in private or what buildings they choose to attend on their days off, but religion does not belong in British public life (and fwiw I don't like religious schools either, nor do most people I know).

BendyLikeBeckham · 21/06/2020 22:02

I think the only irony is that some cultures (note culture, not religion) where girls are brought up expecting to wear face coverings, and therefore they do so their whole adult lives (and some earlier than that), the men, having always enjoyed the freedom of bare faces, now have to cover theirs because of covid.

@EmperorCovidula and @OfaFrenchmind2 articulate my views much better than I could about free will being constrained in such an ingrained way that some women think they are choosing to cover up without actually realising that that choice is so societally and culturally disempowered.

And this is pure misogyny OP Apparently, when women are told they dress provocatively and put on tons of makeup, rock up to clubs and bars and twist and whine sexily while dancing because of men, they swear it's for them, it makes them feel confident, muh sexuality

I'm glad I have the freedom to behave "provocatively" if I wish to (whatever that means without some judgment about the morality of it), and if I want to "whine sexily" (abstain, the moralistic undertone to that phrase hasn't escaped my notice) then that is my unfettered choice, even in the patriarchal society we live in in the West.

I've been promiscuous in my time, OP, worn "tons of makeup" and picked up random strangers for sex on a night out - Do you think that that is an acceptable way for a woman to behave?

BendyLikeBeckham · 21/06/2020 22:34

@Wearywithteens

I have know/talked to and been friends with plenty of veil wearing Muslim women. They weren’t forced to wear it but they do proudly as a symbol of piety and modesty. It is a great leveller that prevents lustful attention so it’s a comfort and a protection. Great.

But the ideology that a modest woman is spiritually worthy comes from the misogynist belief that a woman is entirely responsible for a man’s reaction to her. If he rapes her then it was her fault for ‘tempting’ him. If she bears her womanly assets she is leading him into sin and temptation. Unless she wears a symbol of submission then she is godless and wanton and deserving of anything that happens to her.

The fact that Muslim women choose to willingly wear it is no argument. It is a deeply ingrained cultural ideology. The fact that Muslim men don’t have to wear it tells you everything you need to know.

Hell yes. This is exactly what I'm talking about. Thank you @Wearywithteens

Can someone who ascribes to it please explain the concept of female 'modesty' to me. In a way that isn't at all sexist?

Linning · 21/06/2020 22:59

@Pepperwort

Why do we need to worry so much about what we "show"? Why do you think so much needs to be hidden? That's the sexualisation, just as surely as overtly sexualised skimpy clothes are. I am stumbling around here. Perhaps it's just an over-reliance on worrying about the perception of others. The religious element uses women's bodies as advertising boards for religious belief. It forces religion into public life. I do not care what beliefs people espouse in private or what buildings they choose to attend on their days off, but religion does not belong in British public life (and fwiw I don't like religious schools either, nor do most people I know).
That’s my point though, we shouldn’t worry about whether a woman is covered or not and what she shows or doesn’t show, I don’t think it should matter to me, or anyone, if a woman decides to walk in the streets with a mini skirt and bralette or covered from head to toe as long as it’s her choice, I don’t think it should change how I see her, I don’t think it should change how I interact with her, I don’t think it should change how people view her, I don’t think it should change how people treat her, I don’t think it should change how much people respect her and I definitely do not think it should increase or decrease her risk of being assaulted and/or hurt nor do I think it should change what people project onto her (and ideally people should just stop projecting altogether)

The fact that nowadays (some) people still think that:

  • A woman covered from head to toe is automatically oppressed.
  • A woman wearing a mini skirt/bralette is attention-seeking and doesn’t have much respect for herself and is happily feeding into men’s repressive image of the woman and the patriarchy.
  • A woman going on a hike in nature topless is a liberated woman.

Why can’t all those women be seen as liberated if they are doing it because they want to?

Why can’t a woman wearing a skirt because she doesn’t care what people think of her and is confident and loves her body and understands that people being attracted to her doesn’t entitle them to her body and feel she should be able to wear whatever she wants without it saying anything about her shouldn’t be as as liberated as a woman who fits whatever the stereotype of a liberated woman is?

Why shouldn’t a confident woman who loves her body but doesn’t feel like she owes the world, especially random men down the streets, a sight of it, and would rather keep it and show more of it to whoever she sees fit and want to share it with, and therefore cover it when out and about because that’s what she enjoys doing with her body and makes her happy, be seen as any less liberated than a woman who chose to show more of her skin for similar reasons?

Why should someone who stop shaving and pandering to men in other ways that are irrespective of clothing, be seen as more liberated and/or less oppressed than them?

How is that okay?

Had you read my post you would have seen that I never said anything should be hidden, I don’t think a body need nor don’t need to be hidden, I think it should be as hidden or exposed as each specific woman feel comfortable with without it affecting her experience and treatment in society.

Women can cover (and some do cover) outside of religion, would you feel more comfortable if a woman wore something similar to a Niqab but didn’t happen to be a Niqab and didn’t belong to any religion? Would you be more comfortable and/or less bothered/more accepting of it if a woman was covered from head to toe with something that wasn’t a religious garnering?

Religion is everywhere, I can’t walk 5 meters without stumbling across a church or a chapel here, I could do without them but it doesn’t bother me because the presence of a church doesn’t convince me either way to join or not join a church, the same way a woman walking about her business in a Niqab wouldn’t be promoting Islam to me anymore than a Jewish man with a Kipa dropping his kid off at school, ignoring me, would be trying to enroll me to attend his synagogue.

My point was that, most of the posters who wrote about their will to see a woman’s face wrote posts about how oppressive Islam is to women and promoted how much more liberated women are and how liberating life is in the UK, yet their solution for women who wear a Niqab in the UK by choice and their “oppression” seem to be to oppress them more and take away both their choice and religious freedom by forcing them to uncover themselves and expose themselves and renounce things that are important to them and boundaries they had set for themselves. How is that any less oppressive? How is living in a country (UK) who, according to you, doesn’t feel like religion belong in public life and therefore, I assume, mean women are expected to uncover their hair/face and wear a Niqab when in public, any different than living in a country where women are expected to cover their face/hair/body? How is that not hypocrisy, that some people see one as liberating but not the other or one as oppressive but not the other? In both cases choices are being removed from women. How is that okay? And not politicizing women’s bodies and using them to promote something (either a flawed idea of modesty or a fake version of liberation and “freedom”)? How is the expectations that women be uncovered any more or less oppressive than the expectation women be covered? How isn’t that simply two sides of the same penny?

You literally said you do not approve of religious people showing their religion through their clothing so you would rather they didn’t wear those clothes
in public, how is that not limiting women? How is asking women to show more of her face or to stop wearing something she wants to wear more liberating and less problematic than her wearing what she wants and/or covering as little or as much as she wishes?

You say this “Perhaps it's just an over-reliance on worrying about the perception of others.” When talking about women who chose to cover YET go on to say women shouldn’t cover or wear religious garnments because the general public British population find it uncomfortable and don’t feel it’s appropriate and because YOU (and people you know) don’t feel it belongs and don’t feel like you/they should have to see it.

So which is it? Should women worry or not worry about what others, be it men or the general British opinion (or you), think of them or not? You can’t tell them to stop caring that much and then carry on to tell them that they should care about the opinion of the average British person and believe you are being consistent.

I agree that women have been shamed so much due to what they wear from men that some women have forgotten that when they do the same thing and push their perception of certain actions (being uncovered, not wearing a specific type of clothing) as something superior and more “liberating” than the choice and actions of other women, they are literally doing the same thing they are desperately fighting against.

Gulabjamoon · 21/06/2020 23:09

I'm glad I have the freedom to behave "provocatively" if I wish to (whatever that means without some judgment about the morality of it), and if I want to "whine sexily" (abstain, the moralistic undertone to that phrase hasn't escaped my notice) then that is my unfettered choice, even in the patriarchal society we live in in the West.

So you have choice but Muslim women don’t? What are they, robots? Ciphers?

lovelifehope · 21/06/2020 23:16

He still may have been a practising Muslim who just so happenes to be mentally ill

There must be a hell of a lot of mentally ill muslim terrorists then.

ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia · 21/06/2020 23:27

I am just going to ask this straight up (wine in hand) do Muslim women feel like second class subordinates to Muslim men (even boys)? Do they Muslim women wear a head to toe one piece body bag suit thing because they like it, prefer it and or ashamed to be identified? Can Muslim women who are “internationalised” ie wear what people would consider normally worn and sold ladies fashion throughout the world (apart from fundamentalist Islamic closed off segregated nations) be accepted as also Muslim or are they not Muslim enough for the traditionalists?

Please excuse the ignorance as from a parental viewpoint the visual impact on a young child when faced with a fully covered (black cloak can’t see the face or eyes combo) was initially very frightening for a young child to witness as so extraordinary in the UK to see.

No offence as just trying to learn more about your culture and appreciate what you are actually all about especially given all the constant Islamic terrorist news which does not paint the most welcoming picture of this fascinating and powerful faith. As parents I am old school and think it is always best to get info from the source undiluted to teach children about the other world faiths and cultures etc! The more we learn about each other the more understanding and less misunderstanding!

EmeraldShamrock · 21/06/2020 23:29

@Linning I like your way of thinking, for it to work all of us would need to be of similar opinion. Sadly judgement prevails clothes are used against women all the time, on the street, in the work place, at a rape trial. It sucks.

Gulabjamoon · 21/06/2020 23:31

No offence as just trying to learn more about your culture

There is a wealth of information, articles, TED talks online. Please don’t put the onus on Muslim women to educate you. Seek knowledge and you shall find.

IsntItIronicDontYouThink · 21/06/2020 23:35

@BendyLikeBeckham You've just proved my point in that post. See how 'stingy' it feels to have someone hold up a mirror at what you do and give 'opinions'. See how quickly you adopt the "Hey, it's my "unfettered choice" if I want to do this and wear that" defence. Yet you adopt your own moralistic undertone (Wasn't missed either) when it comes to other people's choices and not only that, actually gaslighting them by saying what they say is their choice is in fact (because you say so) not their choice but someone else's. Why can't someone do the same to you? Oh wait...only you can.

The point has always been you get to make your choice no matter what anyone thinks about it. Your "unfettered choice" is respected and that's what you and other's don't seem to get. Hope you can return the favour?

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 21/06/2020 23:37

I think many people who act alone to commit terrorist acts are mentally ill at the time

Not all. Some are vulnerable and some have been conditioned which is certainly easier when living in conditions where there is little opportunity and high levels of poverty

IsntItIronicDontYouThink · 21/06/2020 23:42

Please excuse the ignorance as from a parental viewpoint the visual impact on a young child when faced with a fully covered (black cloak can’t see the face or eyes combo) was initially very frightening for a young child to witness as so extraordinary in the UK to see

And this is one of the times education happens. "Hey, kid's name, this is called a hijab/niqab/burqa, etc. Some people wear this because.... and people who wear them are called.....There's no need to be afraid, it's okay. They don't hurt anyone. They're nice people and fellow human beings just like you and me. You can even say hello if you want. Wave. See, we're all different in some way. Want us to look up more stuff about .....?"

Great...google time and have fun learning about it. Kid grows up to see this as normal too and not be an arsehole to muslim women wearing their attire, not a "body bag suit thingie" Hmm

OP posts:
Floatyboat · 21/06/2020 23:45

Can't be bothered reading whole thread but has op learnt what ironic means yet.

IsntItIronicDontYouThink · 21/06/2020 23:46

No.

OP posts:
Floatyboat · 21/06/2020 23:46

Some people wear this because....

Could you fill in the dots in a simple kid friendly way please.

IsntItIronicDontYouThink · 21/06/2020 23:47

Let us know when you can carve out time to teach though. Eagerly waiting.

OP posts:
Linning · 22/06/2020 00:01

[quote EmeraldShamrock]@Linning I like your way of thinking, for it to work all of us would need to be of similar opinion. Sadly judgement prevails clothes are used against women all the time, on the street, in the work place, at a rape trial. It sucks.[/quote]
Exactly, but because women are almost ALWAYS the victims of this it is PARAMOUNT we do our parts, as women, to stop the perpetuation that there is a better and more liberating way to be a woman.

I was sexually assaulted at 12 by two men, I was STILL asked what I wore (and not necessarily by men!).

The idea that me wearing a burka or me wearing a skirt would make a difference to the story is highly problematic. I don’t believe clothes is what oppresses or liberate women, I definitely think what oppresses me and other women is the weaponization of clothes though, from both people who are willing to impose full coverage on women AND people who are willing to remove the right to fully cover.

The idea that my level of liberation and participation in the patriarchal system could be gauged on what I wear and not my actions, ability to chose and other concrete elements is extremely problematic and not too far off from the good old victim blaming, it is disappointing when women are doing actions that are similar to what men have done to them to other women and see it as a form of liberation rather than a further form of oppression and yet again, another result of having grown up in a patriarchal system.

I don’t necessarily think it’s about all needing to think the same way, I think it’s about accepting that we do not have to think the same way nor agree but that imposing anything on women whether we are a man or a woman ourselves is, most likely, never okay and probably never the solution.

Pepperwort · 22/06/2020 00:03

Women can cover (and some do cover) outside of religion, would you feel more comfortable if a woman wore something similar to a Niqab but didn’t happen to be a Niqab and didn’t belong to any religion? Would you be more comfortable and/or less bothered/more accepting of it if a woman was covered from head to toe with something that wasn’t a religious garnering?

Now that's a good question, and it clarifies things for me. No I would not feel more comfortable or accepting of it if it was outside of a religious setting. Not in a country where a) it isn't normal b) it doesn't suit the weather, and c_ it doesn't suit daily activities. We got rid of ankle-length gowns over a century ago, because they are damned inconvenient. The colour doesn't help either, as that is synonymous with mourning here. I might assume that if I didn't know the cultural associations, but mourning carried on past a reasonable length of time isn't healthy. The associations with the male gaze I would still find uncomfortable, as it would imply poor treatment from men in the past and an expectation of poor treatment from men in the future. It would assume and express a victimhood that helps no one.

Regarding your other question, we do all have to live within our cultures in some ways and establish some kind of common communication, moral and ethical frameworks, ways of working together. They can be challenged on points, but there has to be some degree of consensus. Otherwise you don't have one culture. That's simply practicality and pragmatism, and in our culture we do not mix religion and civic life. We keep powers separate, plus religion has long been disproved in any sense of physical science. It's only kept as one tool of social conformity, and I dislike the way islam seems to be trying to assert it's laws and customs over ours.

Linning · 22/06/2020 00:18

@ResIpsaLoquiturInterAlia

I am just going to ask this straight up (wine in hand) do Muslim women feel like second class subordinates to Muslim men (even boys)? Do they Muslim women wear a head to toe one piece body bag suit thing because they like it, prefer it and or ashamed to be identified? Can Muslim women who are “internationalised” ie wear what people would consider normally worn and sold ladies fashion throughout the world (apart from fundamentalist Islamic closed off segregated nations) be accepted as also Muslim or are they not Muslim enough for the traditionalists?

Please excuse the ignorance as from a parental viewpoint the visual impact on a young child when faced with a fully covered (black cloak can’t see the face or eyes combo) was initially very frightening for a young child to witness as so extraordinary in the UK to see.

No offence as just trying to learn more about your culture and appreciate what you are actually all about especially given all the constant Islamic terrorist news which does not paint the most welcoming picture of this fascinating and powerful faith. As parents I am old school and think it is always best to get info from the source undiluted to teach children about the other world faiths and cultures etc! The more we learn about each other the more understanding and less misunderstanding!

I think most Muslim women on the thread have already answered your questions (so I invite you to scroll back) @Muslimah2020 did a good job at explaining why she chose to wear a Niqab and what she thinks of women who do not and whether she sees them as Muslim to the same title as her, so I invite you to read her posts.

As for the frightening sights of “a black cloak” fully covered woman for UK children as a parent it’s your role to educate and prepare your kids as to what they might encounter in the streets so as to not recoil in horror and be scarred for life.

Not sure what your kids are like but spending an hour talking about different cultures and showing them different type of clothing people wear and/or might wear in the streets and at home (you don’t even need to talk about the depth of religion if you do not wish to dig into that) would have probably saved them being scarred.

Educate your kids about different cultures and way of life, ideally in an empowering way (which wasn’t the case with your post) that doesn’t show judgment but in a factual manner.

“ Here is what some people were in India, this piece of clothing is called X,Y, Z some women/men wear them, some don’t. Oh and this is what some women who believe in a religion called Islam wear sometimes, that’s called an Hijab/Niqab/Burka, you might see a couple of people wearing this when out and about, oh and did you know that some Jewish women wear a wig do you want to see what an orthodox Jewish man wear? Ah and here is a traditional African outfit from Togo, oh and look how pretty this traditional Peruvian scarf is. We are surrounded by so many beautiful cultures aren’t we? Is there anywhere you now feel you would want to go visit, or clothes you really enjoyed learning about today?”

Plenty of ways to talk to your kids about people they might see in the streets in an age appropriate way, that should save from ever being shocked at the sight of anyone.

Not teaching your kids about multiculturalism when you live in a multicultural country is not old school parenting, it’s a fault.

BendyLikeBeckham · 22/06/2020 00:19

@BendyLikeBeckham

I think the only irony is that some cultures (note culture, not religion) where girls are brought up expecting to wear face coverings, and therefore they do so their whole adult lives (and some earlier than that), the men, having always enjoyed the freedom of bare faces, now have to cover theirs because of covid.

@EmperorCovidula and @OfaFrenchmind2 articulate my views much better than I could about free will being constrained in such an ingrained way that some women think they are choosing to cover up without actually realising that that choice is so societally and culturally disempowered.

And this is pure misogyny OP Apparently, when women are told they dress provocatively and put on tons of makeup, rock up to clubs and bars and twist and whine sexily while dancing because of men, they swear it's for them, it makes them feel confident, muh sexuality

I'm glad I have the freedom to behave "provocatively" if I wish to (whatever that means without some judgment about the morality of it), and if I want to "whine sexily" (abstain, the moralistic undertone to that phrase hasn't escaped my notice) then that is my unfettered choice, even in the patriarchal society we live in in the West.

I've been promiscuous in my time, OP, worn "tons of makeup" and picked up random strangers for sex on a night out - Do you think that that is an acceptable way for a woman to behave?

abstain is an autocorrect for I don't know what! Maybe 'and OP'??
EmeraldShamrock · 22/06/2020 00:23

Do they Muslim women wear a head to toe one piece body bag suit thing because they like it, prefer it and or ashamed to be identified?
No offence as just trying to learn more about your culture and appreciate what you are actually all about especially given all the constant Islamic terrorist news which does not paint the most welcoming picture of this fascinating and powerful faith
Wow how rude you are. Why did you add No offence? Such a cop out clearly your post is very offensive.

BendyLikeBeckham · 22/06/2020 00:24

@Gulabjamoon

I'm glad I have the freedom to behave "provocatively" if I wish to (whatever that means without some judgment about the morality of it), and if I want to "whine sexily" (abstain, the moralistic undertone to that phrase hasn't escaped my notice) then that is my unfettered choice, even in the patriarchal society we live in in the West.

So you have choice but Muslim women don’t? What are they, robots? Ciphers?

@Gulabjamoon a lot of Muslim women don't have the freedom to go to nightclubs, dance, or behave 'provocatively' what ever the fuck that means.

My point was actually about the moralistic judging by women of other women. We are indeed our own enemies, sadly, when we perpetuate misogyny against ourselves and each other.

EmeraldShamrock · 22/06/2020 00:33

We are indeed our own enemies, sadly, when we perpetuate misogyny against ourselves and each other Indeed.
There was a thread OP wore a crop top and didn't like being looked at, pp's lined up to explain it was her fault, cover up the poor menz have to look if the shape of your breats are noticeable in your top etc etc.

BendyLikeBeckham · 22/06/2020 00:36

[quote IsntItIronicDontYouThink]**@BendyLikeBeckham* You've just proved my point in that post. See how 'stingy' it feels to have someone hold up a mirror at what you do and give 'opinions'. See how quickly you adopt the "Hey, it's my "unfettered choice" if I want to do this and wear that" defence. Yet you adopt your own moralistic undertone (Wasn't missed either) when it comes to other people's choices and not only that, actually gaslighting them by saying what they say* is their choice is in fact (because you say so) not their choice but someone else's. Why can't someone do the same to you? Oh wait...only you can.

The point has always been you get to make your choice no matter what anyone thinks about it. Your "unfettered choice" is respected and that's what you and other's don't seem to get. Hope you can return the favour?[/quote]
you miss my point entirely.

the supposed freedom of choice (to wear unequal and more restrictive clothing than men) is based on social conditioning, upbringing, and often parental and societal control. All the personal reasons set out by @Muslimah2020 , very eloquently and graciously i might add, just reinforce this.

But the shaming of women who enjoy the freedom to dance and 'whine sexily' (this phrase gives me much amusement) is just women judging women. And as what? Immoral? Immodest? Whores? this is the patriarchy's insidious influence into women's brains. I am not judging other women in a derogatory way. I am making a statement about choice and freedom not being as free as people have been taught to believe.

Not the same, but my point is hammered home by the fact that most FGMs on girls in the cultures where they are practised, are carried out by women. And so it is perpetuated down the generations. Woman against woman. Why are we so willing to be subjugated to men's will? Centuries, nay millenia of male oppression, that's why.