...to be in tears already - at work [wfh]

[ILoveJoeBrown]

DS17 is doing an important exam upstairs; parrot is squawking in living room; dog was outside, barking at next door's builders; I'm working at my desk in the kitchen, in the middle of something.

DH comes marching down in his towel to remonstrate with me as I haven't brought the dog in yet as he'll be upsetting the neighbourhood and disturbing DS's exam - never mind the noise the builders are making.

Already feeling the tears coming. Silly things make me cry and I feel constantly under pressure that I'm not doing enough.

Anyone else feeling weepy at everything?

Perhaps DH could get his arse out of bed earlier and be of more use?

Why is it your sole responsibility to deal with the dog?

Why couldn’t DH deal with it? Is he WFH too?

DH not know how to open the back door?

To be fair my first thought was why has the dog just been left to bark (by either of you, not just you.)

But crying at everything and feeling pressure constantly isn’t normal. It could be a sign of something like depression. Do you think you might need to call your GP?

You are not on your own - I cry at anything these days. Not sure if it’s lockdown or menopause.
I hope your day improves

Does your husband not know how the back door works or the dogs name?? Strange

Was DH not aware of how a door-handle works?

Perhaps he could have got his arse in motion a little quicker, and sorted out the dog himself?

Ignore him OP. Hope you're feeling better. x

Is your husband usually an arsehole?

Put a cover over the damn parrot for a start so it shuts up. And your H too if possible, that should give you a bit of peace for a start

DH comes marching down in his towel

I am guessing he was in the shower (or similar). Still, no need to be rude to the OP. Take care, it won't be like this forever.

Are you usually very weepy or is this a recent thing?

I'm the other extreme, I don't cry (occasionally out of anger but rarely) which is also not very normal, but it's my default, I've been like that since a child.

If this is new (last 12 months or so, I think you need to consider mental health reasons or take a look at other things in your life which are causing stress.

You're having a rough day, bless you. That happens sometimes. There's no reason why your husband couldn't quickly put on a pair of shorts and get the dog in, he shouldn't have moaned at you.

Can you stop work for a couple of hours and have some chill out time to yourself? Or even go out for a short while, we can do that now. It might do you good to have a break.

If it feels like you’re on the verge of a breakdown all the time, that isn’t something normal and to be endured and I would suggest speaking to your GP. You may need a bit of extra support in this weird and horrible time.

I’ve been like this a lot. We have a 21 month old and I’m pregnant. Both WFH with limited childcare (2 afternoons a week only) and it’s just SO HARD. I know I’m lucky to still have a job (and be on full pay) but it’s hell on Earth. DC is wanting (understandably) attention all the time, but we can’t give it as we have to work. Feel so guilty at putting him in front of tv for some of the day but if we don’t work we will lose our jobs and then the house. And the lack of separation between work and home life is killing us.

I dread the working weeks

I had my worst week of lockdown last week, and cried every single day. Also WFH, DP has been made redundant, and everything just feels too much. Hopefully this will be a better week.

It would have been less effort and less disruption for him to let the dog in rather than have a go at you for not letting the dog in.

My question would be: why would he choose to expend more energy and cause more disruption?

The way you phrase it ('marching in', 'remonstrating') suggests an air of ordering you around, and him acting as if he's in charge and you are his minion. I might be wrong, but... is there usually this feeling in the house?

If so, I'm not surprised you feel like crying at every little thing. You must be at the end of your rope.

Sounds normal to me, be kind to yourself!

Well I've just burst into tears in front of DS 14.
I do my usual logging into work then waking him up for another fun school day . Went to check what work he has to do and part of it is write a film review - due in today. If he'd said at the start of the weekend we'd have watched a movie together, but he didn't so remind him we watched Contagion a few weeks ago. He flatly denies all knowledge of it and his horrible stubborn refusal to remember it or come up with another movie just set me over the edge.
I'm doing my absolute best to ensure he does his school work and he gives sweet FA. I know it's because he's a teen and missing his friends but I'm so tempted just to give up and let him sleep all day and do nothing. But of course I won't as that will make me a shitter parent than I am already.

OP. I lost it at DH once this morning already. Somehow I manage to get myself up, the children dressed and fed, DS1 onto his morning teams form time, DS2 out the door to school, and in the middle of trying to get DS2's shoes on one of my team at work called me urgently about something we needed to sort before our morning work zoom call. Right in the middle of this DH yells down to me asking where his one particular shirt is

Our roles are generally much more equal, because usually we outsource stuff which we are unable to do at the moment and we are fighting about whose responsibility things are when we can't outsource.

It's the mental load, OP. Somehow you're held responsible for all this stuff, the dog, the parrot, DS's exam, your own work and DH can just have a nice shower and take care of only himself. (I'm massively projecting here, I know.)

WFH on the phones already bawled my eyes out because of a rude customer who told me I didn't know what i was doing. I HATE my job. constantly abused on the phones.

Hope you're ok OP

all sounds quite normal op.
have a virtual hug.

PS: I'm sure your son has a pair of headphones he can wear to drown out the noise while doing his exams.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

It's not the dog's fault that we have builders on both sides of the house, and we have to put up with their noise. It's also not unreasonable for me to have the back door open, so I can have some fresh air as it's hot and stuffy in the kitchen otherwise. [yes, I know I can open the windows]

That means the dog can come and go as he pleases, which he normally does, as we are all here all the time - even when 3 of us are working 'normally' there's usually someone at home, so he doesn't get left on his own much and is used to his 'freedom'.

He is constantly barking at the builders right now but the builders are not always there. If I keep the dog locked indoors and have the windows open, I will end up cleaning pee off the floor at some point as I don't have eyes in the back of my head while I'm working. He isn't great at 'asking' to go out.

Sorry - it's just a bit of a rant. I am normally quite emotional so pretty normal for me. Just exaggerated I suppose due to having to make allowances for all sorts of things you wouldn't normally give a second thought to. Small things become bigger things iyswim?

I am lucky in that my kids are all post-school [DS17 is doing A-levels but is very self-motivated so no worries there; other DSs are 22 and 21, so can look after themselves] so it could be worse.

@ILoveJoeBrown I’ve been a lot more emotional during lockdown, the simplest things are making me cry, ds(18) was explaining to me in computer lingo how to do something for my college course and I said to him about 3 times just explain it to me in simple form so I understand and I burst out crying!

@ t him get on with his school work himself, you’ve done amazing encouraging and motivating him for the last 11 weeks, he needs to take some responsibility for his own organisational skills and do his school work himself.