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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask what advice you would give to the 28 year old yourself?

134 replies

Loosingitbitbybit · 14/06/2020 12:15

Any advice relating to anything really, work, relationship, health, family...
I know everyone's story is a bit different and I'm not asking for magic answers but I'm 28 and a bit stuck. Can't put a finger on exactly what is I'm struggling with but I just like to hear others stories and see if I can relate to them or help me in any ways with my life.

OP posts:
Zenithbear · 14/06/2020 21:35

Put as much into your pension as you can afford without missing out on life.

Other financial stuff I did do that has set me up now:
Pay off your mortgage as soon as possible.
Invest in property.
Have savings in your own name.
Don't waste any inheritance.
If you get married and have dc don't completely give up work.

GinWithASplashOfTonic · 14/06/2020 21:41

Late 20s here
So refreshing to hear that I've still got time to settle down.

A 25 year old recently told I'm on the shelf and that I should consider freezing my eggs. And I was bit like woah .

Also in a rut at work

Thisbastardcomputer · 14/06/2020 21:49

Leave the bastard and spend more time with Dad, he only has 5 years left to live.

RoseGoldEagle · 14/06/2020 21:50

I would tell myself to relax and stop worrying so much about meeting the right man. Of course easy to say with hindsight, and I wouldn’t have listened. Also to make more effort with friendships, have lost a few in the last decade just down to not making an effort and drifting apart, of course that’s natural to an extent, but there a few I regret losing touch with.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/06/2020 21:50

Leave your dh,its not working dont wait another 4 years.

SickOfNorthernExile · 14/06/2020 21:54

Keep the baby, but fuck off the man as soon as.
Move in with your mates who you know will take care of both you and baby while you get your arse together. Trust them. They love you. Don’t run away.

Get a therapist NOW. Don’t wait for your childhood to make its presence felt 6 months postpartum.

(I kept the baby but made some appalling decisions about how to do that, that I’m still feeling the effects of).

MaximumDose · 14/06/2020 21:54

Hi op. I have childhood issues too. I was busy demonstrating the fall out of those when i was 28. I didn't seek professional help until i was expecting my third child at 36. I was suddenly petrified that I'd pass on my issues to my children. Not sure to this day why i only did that when expecting my third child but i had this sudden feeling that if i didn't do it then that I'd be directly risking passing on my own issues to my kids. I'm a big believer that your learn your behaviours from your parents.

I got CBT with the most amazing therapist and if i could tell my 28 year old self something it would be to have done that then, 8 years sooner than i did. It's been transformational

Angelonia · 14/06/2020 21:59

Go ahead and marry him - he's a keeper.

imgardening · 14/06/2020 22:05

When I first started ttc, friend told me that it took two years to have her first baby and she was perfectly fertile/healthy. I said, "Two years?! No, no I can't wait that long." By the time in give birth in September, it'll have been two years and three months since we had that conversation. Life doesn't care about your plans! Expect the unexpected (just for the record, I'm perfectly healthy/fertile and so is DH too).

redastherose · 14/06/2020 22:06

I would tell 28 year old me to leave him now before you waste more years of your life on the narcissist. Don't allow your career to be sidelined for his.

@Loosingitbitbybit a bit of advice re your parents situation, you don't have to forgive them! Get some counselling to help you come to terms with the way you were treated for you but don't do it because you feel you ought to have a relationship with them. If your parents were rubbish parents then you don't need to have much of a relationship with them at all. People with nice families won't understand but if they don't deserve a daughter you don't have to pretend for society's sake.

peakygal · 14/06/2020 22:10

In 2 years time you're gonna suddenly become a widow so start preparing financially because its gonna be a battle but it will make you very strong and look at life completely different

Reader1984 · 14/06/2020 22:13

Save some money and hide it away. A few years down the line, you might need it...

weegiemum · 14/06/2020 22:25

Travel, travel, travel.

Even to the places that people cringe at.

Even to the dangerous places (though do be careful).

Even to the places you're not sure you'll like.

Even when dc come along.

See as much of the world as you can.

Our best holiday was 3 weeks backpacking with our preschool dc round Guatemala and Honduras (literally had 18 month old dd2 in a backpack!). Was so good and even dd2 has flashes of memory from it.

Have also done Dominican Republic (away from resorts) which was also fab when they were 6, 8 and 10.

MidsomerMum · 14/06/2020 22:34

30 isn’t a magical age where you’ll suddenly get stuff together as a proper adult.

Make sensible decisions re career, finances etc but also know that really, much of life is about winging it, don’t sweat the small stuff and follow your gut on the big stuff.

If you want something to change, change it. Don’t hang about thinking something magic will come and save it.

Tell the people you love that you love them because you might not have as long with them as you think.

CoronaIsShit · 14/06/2020 22:42

Yes, my childhood issues made themselves known for years through what l know now was an anxiety disorder and eating my feelings after I had my first child as said anxiety disorder escalated due to guilt that my DC had me as their Mum, manifesting in me trying to be the ‘Perfect Mother’ and failing miserably most of the time.

Another thing I’d like to go back in time and tell my 28 year old self is that in less than a years time, you’re to go through the worst thing you’ll ever have to go through in your life. FGS give up on your family now. They won’t support you through it, they’ll only take over and feed off your grief for their own ends. You were on the right track when you asked your GP for a referral to therapist when you were 20. You should have gone back for the 2nd appointment but you weren’t ready to talk about your family then, it was too scary to open the Pandora’s Box. Don’t wait another 15 years with 3 more kids and severe OCD that will decimate your whole life to do it. NC and a good therapist is the only way. It was them, not you x

justforthecake · 14/06/2020 22:46

Your best friend is not your friend - you are in a competition and she will hurt you and your children before you realise.
Your husband will cheat with your best friend.

Visit that family friend, don't let anything stop you.

Don't put up with crap from your SIL - your brother will leave her eventually so stop letting her ruin every family event. Let him know that he doesn't have to put up with her.

Lockdownlife · 14/06/2020 22:47

Don't stress about marriage and babies. Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn't mean you need to as well.

Exercise is good for the soul. Go for a morning walk if you hate the gym. I promise you'll feel better for it.

Ditch the negative people from your life. Real friends will show their worth and will stick around. Also, it's not too late to make new friends.

You're not too old to change career.

Just because it's what you always dreamed of doesn't mean you can't change your mind.

monkeyonthetable · 14/06/2020 22:53

I'd say, don't worry about how hopeless you are with men. In a few months you will meet a lovely one and still be together 27 years later with two children . But get off your arse, switch careers and push hard to get in where you want to be. Milling around as a freelancer is not a career. Might be for some people but you need structure.

Danishpastrie · 14/06/2020 22:59

Get some therapy.

You need to unravel your childhood programming OP. Only then will you ever be capable of experiencing happiness.

ElleEmDee · 14/06/2020 23:07

Look after yourself better financially. Read a book called The Barefoot Investor. It’s changed the life for thousands of Australians - it’s huge over here (author is Australian). It doesn’t try and sell you anything - just shows you how to set up your finances so you can live within your means very easily and save for your future. Oh god I wish I’d read this at 28!

FoxtrotOscarPoppet · 14/06/2020 23:22

Look after your body.

Please yourself - don’t worry about trying to please others all the time.

Don’t marry a man with kids.

Always have your own money and be independent.

FruitPastillesaregood · 14/06/2020 23:47

Don’t marry him. Your life isn’t dependent on getting married and having kids. Build a proper career. Travel. Have faith in yourself. Take risks. Don’t put everyone else’s needs before your own until you realise it’s been a waste of time and you are burnt out and have had nothing you wanted out of life.
You aren’t fat. You are beautiful. You will however be fat later. Don’t let it slide. Value yourself .

HeyMaCorona · 14/06/2020 23:51

Dear 28 year old

You are way younger than you think you are. It is not too late to try something new, change carer, go travelling again. Also, have a few more boyfriend's!! You'll be stuck with one lovely husband forever after your married! So enjoy the fun and freedom of a few short term dates!

Sleep - a lot!! And enjoy it!! Before you know it you'll be working and looking after kids 24/7 and you'll dream of the days you could.lie.on beyond 7am.

Don't stress. Your life will be great! Enjoy the journey Star

LunaNorth · 14/06/2020 23:54

Kick him out and go find the sexy Scouser who’s going to change your life.

Geekster1963 · 14/06/2020 23:57

To not leave it so long before starting a family.

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