To ask what advice you would give to the 28 year old yourself?

[Loosingitbitbybit]

Any advice relating to anything really, work, relationship, health, family...
I know everyone's story is a bit different and I'm not asking for magic answers but I'm 28 and a bit stuck. Can't put a finger on exactly what is I'm struggling with but I just like to hear others stories and see if I can relate to them or help me in any ways with my life.

Life is too short for a job/relationship/friendship that you aren't enjoying or benefiting from.

And

Stop putting other people's happiness before your own.

Also......

You really don't need those

Shoes/bag/expensive dress (that you'll only wear once)

The amount of money I could have saved over the years probably could have paid for a house deposit

I wouldn't give myself any advice to be honest. Because, assuming I'm doing that now, that would have made me a 28 year old with the wisdom of a 53 year old. It's not how it's meant to work.

I'll wade through the treacle of life until I'm 60 (and beyond). I don't want to receive any advice now from the 60 year old me.

Don’t bother worrying about most of the things I worried about at that age (finding a husband, career progression, losing weight, etc.)

Depends on where you are in your life, but my advice would be if you don't have kids, take risks in your career, this is the time to make mistakes, make connections, try something new to set yourself for your 30s.

Enjoy your freedom and youth - you are still so young! Speak to your parents and grandparents if they are still alive

If you have kids - enjoy them!

Stay unmarried, unless you want to be trapped for decades. Think VERY hard about whether you really want the responsibility of having a child. I know you want a 'baby' but the baby stage lasts 5 minutes and then it will get much harder. You won't be the amazing hippy mum you'd imagined. You would be better being true to yourself and remaining child free and daring to be brave and adventurous. You definitely don't need to do things to please your parents, be yourself.

Save hard, buy a house as soon as you can.

Stop trying to drive a manual car, just pass in an automatic and give yourself a break.

Pay to have that mole looked at earlier, because you'll be waiting almost a year and your mental health will suffer.

Cherish your parents

Do not marry that man, he's not right for you and just because it seems like the easier thing to do at the moment, it won't be easier in the long run.

Think very carefully before you decide to have children. Maybe having children is not the right thing for you.

Have more faith in yourself. Don't just go with what other people tell you is best for you, they don't always know what's best for you, or have your best interests at heart.

If you are in a position to do so have your babies! We are now fearing we are too old for a second child I wish I had my first earlier

Thanks everyone, so many comments. Lots of them are about kids/financial security, which makes sense.
I thought I share a bit about myself, so here it goes...
I am 28 in a couple of weeks. I have always thought by this age I'll have kids but I don't and even tho I'd love to be a mum once I'm okay with not having kids at the moment. I have really struggled to work out what I want to do for living so there was a break in my career about 2 years ago which set me back a bit. I think I'm on the right track now and got a job that excites me and pays well for the moment. Planning on staying in this job for the next 1 1/2 or 2 years at least to gain experience and plan next step.
Financially I was quite well off from age 22-25 however when I decided to change careers I could save as much as I would wanted and did dig into my savings but I feel like I am slowly getting back on track with that too...
I am in a long term relationship (5years) and love my boyfriend. We really had our ups and downs at the beginning but somehow it all worked out and we have been happy. Don't get me wrong we argue every now and then but he gets me and my weird stuff and been very supportive. He also works really hard and we do love to travel together... the sex is also good which I always worried about when I got together with as it took some time to learn what we both like... it took us about a year 😳but things were great after...
My relationship with family and parents is not great... I'd love it if it was but I think it's a 2 way street. I more and more realise now how neglected I was as a child and how unsupported my parents were... feel a bit ashamed saying this but sometimes I think about my childhood and really feel sorry for that little girl I was... I kinda want to give her a cuddle and tell her things are not her fault and she is normal. I do feel guilty thinfor not having a great relationship with my parents but I just really don't know how to start building a good one, especially as every time I let me mum close to me she hurts me... oh well things will work out there too. I have some plans for 2020 and going to focus on those answer what life throws at me in the future...

Don't marry him. You can do better, and you know it.

Make time for your friends. Even if you are tired. And you are much thinner than you think you are so stop worrying

Keep some sort of a career going. Live where you and DH are happiest.

Be more confident. Don't waste energy on those particular in-laws, because they're never going to like you whatever you do.

Do financially sensible things early. Start that pension, buy that flat...

Don't waste time with people you know are not right/good for you and don't waste time worrying about it when you end things either.

Pay into a pension monthly and make sure you keep up to date and accurate records of your contributions when you move jobs so you can also move your pension pot ( or better yet, use an independent pension and don't use your works one unless it's really good).

Make the time for the ones you love, regardless of how hard it can be, just a regular phone call makes the world of difference. They won't be around forever. :(

Wear whatever you like without worrying you're 'too old/ fat/ thin/flat chested etc, you'll NEVER be as young as you are again ! (even tomorrow you're older)

Don't accumulate debt by thinking 'I'll pay it off later'', cos later never comes, and you just end up paying hundreds of thousands of pounds in interest for nothing. Better to wait and save for things you want.

Enjoy your health, and do anything you've always wanted to as soon as you can, Bungee jump, travel the world, learn to salsa, take an exotic 5 star holiday............... whatever you've always dreamt of.........because once you have a DH or DC, what YOU want seems to slip away............................silently and unnoticed, until the DC are grown, and you realise you're too old/ unwell/ broke/ tired to attempt to fulfill your dreams now.

I'm very lucky because I DID manage to travel round the world for a year, work abroad, party hard and often, make lifelong friends and memories.............and I've never regretted any of it

• Those problems you had in you relationship before you got married will get bigger and bigger. I wish my 48 year old self could tell my 38 year old self now whether my marriage survives,as if it doesn't I can start planning now.

• That career you're in where there's no older people still doing it - that's because it's brutal and you can't make it work with having a family. Find something else now as it's harder once you have kids.

• Live somewhere else other than the UK / London. Go to Tokyo or New York, for a year and have a blast.

• Get in to a good regime with exercise and looking after yourself now.

• Enjoy the fact that your hangovers are not thaw f bad and you can sleep them off, make the most of it.

Don't marry him.
Pay heed to the reds flags bunting.
RUN!

You've got time to change your life and more importantly the energy.

Change and taking on new opportunities gets harder past mid 30's, so sieze chances now.

Your looks won't last, your skin will change, your hormones will cause changes, enjoy your body. Don't let anyone tell you that it isn't good enough, in any sense. Concentrate on you.

Again, concentrate on you. Look out for compromises and you not doing what you want. There may not be time to do things.

Very soon think about how you want life in your 50's to be. Now is the time because at 50, you may have less options and ability to change or create changes.

The only thing to worry about is over sun exposure. Too much drinking, hair dye, over eating, you can recover from.

Make sure that the person you have children with wants to co-parent, not just for you to have a baby.

Don't feel as though you've got to be striving and achieving, again enjoy your energy, your looks, your not taking things as seriously as you will do soon. Life should be fun, there should be a lot of joy and happiness. Drop anyone who blocks that, deliberately or resents anything about how you live your life.

Get that pension started pronto

I got married at 28 to the man I had mostly happily been with for 10 years. We'd had our ups and downs, and looking back now there were some small hints of things that were to come. When we started a family he began to change. Just a little at first, struggling to cope with a new baby etc. Then he had a mental breakdown and went over the edge into full alcoholism and drug addiction. He's still no better years later. It has been extremely hard to live with the fallout of it all, made very much more difficult by the tie of marriage (and obviously having a child). If it wasn't for being married I could literally have just put his stuff outside when I'd had enough, changed the locks and never looked back. But legally I couldn't.

I thought marriage was vitally important for security in a long term relationship (you read it on here all the time), and of course as a sign of commitment and the romantic side of it all. But really I was already 'secure' and didn't need a legal contract to confirm that. I wish I'd seen the wood for the trees and not believed the marriage hype.

So I would say to my 28 year old self, DO NOT marry this man! Do not minimise the seemingly small issues you have with his behaviour, these are signs of much worse than you could ever imagine to come

When you hit your 30's, get your drinking in, alcohol isn't much of a friend past 40.

Based on your update, I’d have some counselling or another therapy to look at those childhood issues you speak of. That’s a really good starting point.

Look at where you want to be at 35 and work back. My ex dumped it on me at nearly 31 that he didn’t want marriage or kids ever so make sure you are both on the same page re timescale. At this point for example, if he said he didn’t ever want kids and you know you want them by 35 you’ve got plenty of time to meet someone else.

Definitely look at travelling, hobbies, making the most of a child free life at the moment. It’s such a wonderful age to be. You can still do almost anything.

Make sure you have savings and a pension. The money saving expert website is really good for advice with this. My personal life might be shit but two things I really ramped up over 25 were my savings and investments and my skincare lol.

Make a plan re your career too. What’s the plan long term, what role do you want, how does it pay, how will you get there, do you want to work full time or part time of you have kids, how much maternity leave would you take, how would it fit in around school (include your boyfriend in this and his input around childcare, paternity leave) etc. Be really thorough.

And always have your own little money pot stashed away somewhere.

If something doesn’t feel quite right within yourself, your relationships with others, how you do at work, feeling like your being yourself or just making the most of your life I would seriously consider therapy.

Everyone carries some trauma or other childhood baggage around that effects these things and the sooner you address them the sooner you can start really living!

Sorry just read your follow up OP

Sometimes I think about my childhood and really feel sorry for that little girl I was... I kinda want to give her a cuddle and tell her things are not her fault and she is normal

This is exactly what I ended up doing in threaphy though I had never considered needing too before.