To ask what advice you would give to the 28 year old yourself?

[Loosingitbitbybit]

Any advice relating to anything really, work, relationship, health, family...
I know everyone's story is a bit different and I'm not asking for magic answers but I'm 28 and a bit stuck. Can't put a finger on exactly what is I'm struggling with but I just like to hear others stories and see if I can relate to them or help me in any ways with my life.

Thanks everyone again. I'm sorry so many of you had relationships that didn't turn out as expected... I guess you don't know until you know... lots of you mentioned again the financial stuff and pension which is quite interesting as I was going to opt out of pension plan at work but now I'm thinking I should keep it. I don't pay massive amounts so it's really not much but I guess every little helps. Regarding pension I have some plans to get a buy to let property as a pension pot in the next 3-5 years. I think if I can achieve that before I turn 35 it will help me a lot when retirement comes.
Travelling is great and been doing that the past 8 years. I have to say I'm lucky as some years o get to go on 3-4 holidays abroad. Some of them are short ones 3-4 days in Europe but I love visiting new places so I guess the experience counts.

I think my biggest problem to be fair and the main reason im feeling a bit lost is because of my childhood. I carry a lot of shame, guilt and sadness. I have thought about counselling but I have never been able to openly talk about it to anyone . My other thing is my parents... I just don't know how to fix all of that ... and I am so utterly scared of becoming my mum one day, which again makes me feel guilty so there you go that's a catch 22 there for me... she is. Or a bad person btw but I'm sure she tried her best .

Put yourself first, have some fabulous holidays, enjoy looking probably the best you will ever look and LEAVE THE FUCKER. That last bit might just be for me. But don’t be afraid to take a big leap.

You are absolutely right about not having kids, and you won’t regret it so shut down anyone who tries to tell you otherwise as bluntly as necessary.

Yes yes yes to counselling! Follow your intuition...

Have therapy sooner. and move on. You are wasting time carting these issues around with you. Be kinder to yourself and prioritise your health.

Also 28, in a rut but I have a preschooler so a few of these suggestions e.g. travelling, saving etc., don't apply to me.

@Loosingitbitbybit
I'd suggest as others have that you do have some type of therapy or counselling to address your issues with your childhood. If you do have children these will all come rushing back, try and get yourself sorted now.
It's not up to you to fix your relationship with your parents, you can't change their behaviour, you can only change your reaction.
You don't have to turn into your mother, I didn't, when I had my child I made a definite effort to not behave as she did.
It can be done, believe me, it's possible.
Wishing you well for your future. Have faith in yourself

Go back on that diet you lost weight on now and stick to it permanently else you'll have all kinds of health problems in middle age.

Get professionally qualified. Then have kids. Otherwise you’ll be stuck in a subsidiary, unqualified post on crap pay.

Get rid of that bloody baby weight NOW. The baby’s 3 years old and you’re just going to get fatter and fatter with the next 3 until you resemble a female version of the Michelin man. Don’t leave it 20 years! You’ll feel so shit about yourself, you’ll not want to go out or buy nice clothes, not have confidence to progress at work and you’ll end up in horrendous pain from your back and will have to spend months of hard work in the gym to get rid of it, your poor DH won’t want to shag you either! You’ve only got 3 stone to lose now, it’ll be much harder when you put on another 4! Join a gym today, take up weight lifting and keep it up, make time after work, fuck the housework and shopping. Make time for yourself. You’ll feel amazing and so strong after just a few weeks. You are worth it.

@AndromedaM31 are you me?

It is much easier to put weight on than to take it off.

You will not always be able to take your fitness for granted.

Eat 1 croissant a week because you will be coeliac in 10 years.

Get professionally qualified. Then have kids. Otherwise you’ll be stuck in a subsidiary, unqualified post on crap pay.

Totallly agree with this. Whether you are male or female, do this first, because when children come along,18 years will have gone before you know it. Only feels like yesterday our eldest was born.

Save more money and stop buying so many clothes you wear once for a night out.

Life can change rapidly at any point. If you want to make a change in your life then you don't need to do anything grand - one small thing to make a whole lot of other components click into place.

20s were the toughest decade. You think you are supposed to be an adult but in reality for most it is extended adolescence with all the confusing emotions and frustrations but with a lot more self awareness. I didn't start feeling 'grown-up'until I hit my 30s, and that's okay.

Another thing is that I shouldn't worry what people think about me. As long as I am as kind and true to myself as I can be then it's unlikely that anyone will take offense. Most people are so worried about how they come across that they dont have time to be even noticing what I am doing. When I realised that I felt quite refreshed.

Don't marry him.

Stop buying clothes you don't need to make yourself feel better. Save save save.

Spend more time doing things that make you happy.

Try not to overthink everything.

Don't be afraid of the future and go on the date.
You will still regret not going 8 years later.

Hey future Me

Bet you're glad the kids are all teenagers now, is it as bad as I thought?

Did I get found out about you know what? If we did get caught, how's prison life treating me?

Love Me

Stay single. Then you wont get hurt again

Don't make big life decisions based on your mates life decisions.

It's ok to do things differently.

At 28 we ummed and ahhed about buying a sensible house near good schools, equidistant from our jobs, or moving 150miles to a small 28 acre farm in a seaside village in Wales.
Both the same price (£80k)
The farm recently resold for £1.6 million and I often think how much fun the kids would have had growing up there.
In a weird twist of fate, 2 of our 3 grown up kids moved to Wales and even speak Welsh.
I would tell my 28year old self to follow the dream.
Oh and I would have probably also got the Hell out of the NHS a long time ago.

Be sensible with money, try to avoid debt and save.

Don’t assume you’ll be able to have children.

This marriage is dead. Leave now, not when you’re 44.

And also, Andy from accounts (names and roles have been changed...) is a top bloke so how about jumping his bones fairly soon. Don’t take another 18 years to realise you’re in love with him.

It's ok to not get married... you are too young to settle..

We are happy enough these days I suppose but I remember one moment on our honeymoon when I had a bite of his hotdog and accidentally knocked it on the ground.. his reaction was so OTT and I just cried. It was our honeymoon ffs!

Generally he's a good bloke, he's handsome and does his share with the kids. He's not "the one"