DH nagging me to “be more positive”

[Dixie2016]

When I feel that I’m just being realistic rather than negative!
First example. Before the start of lockdown I told him that our visit to his parents over Easter didn’t look likely to happen. So I wanted to contact the accommodation to see if we could rearrange or get our deposit back. He wouldn’t do this as I needed “ to be more positive” and that it could still happen. Lo and behold it didn’t!

The latest example. His well past retirement age mum has a part time job. This job revolves entirely around people who have travelled to the U.K. after having been to multiple far flung exotic places around the world. Without giving too much away this job cannot exist without these customers. Currently MIL is on furlough. The place that she works at is unlikely to be able to open for the foreseeable future so they have announced redundancies. MIL is on the shielding list so even if her workplace opened back up she couldn’t work. So I said to DH that I imagine she will be one of those made redundant. He completely blew up at me because I should “ be positive!”.

He’s making out like I’m this negative, miserable harbinger of doom when I feel like I’m just being realistic. These are just two examples. I feel like it would be ridiculous for me to pretend his mum is going to be one of a handful of staff kept on just for the sake of “ positivity”. For me being positive has its place when there is a reasonable chance of a good outcome.

AIBU?

@TheHighestSardine

I used to be like this, and eventually DP got tired of it and pointed out how useless and negative it really is. Having never thought about it properly, it made me step back and look at myself - and I agreed.

Now I'll just not say those things and funnily enough it makes my mood better as well.

It may feel like realism to you, but it's deliberate cynicism and is undermining. Restrict yourself to either shutting up, or if you really can't stop yourself then a positive "Hopefully!" when other people are suggesting things.

Nailed it! Interesting OP you have used negative language to describe your DH " nagging" when hes asking you to stop doing something. Maybe listen?

Mumsnet is one of the most negative places! 😂

My ex would accuse me of being ”always with the negativity” when I was trying to rein in his more outlandish brain farts.

My DH canbe a bugger for this. The latest one was to,buy some agricultural land 20 miles away, to build a house. I looked slightly stunned because a) it didnt have and would never get planning permission b) we are not in a financial position to spend £20k c) the location was unworkable for schools and jobs d) he hasn’t got the skill set to do it.

From previous experience, rather than point this out, I smiled and nodded and said yes dear, but please do some research. I haven’t heard anything about it since 🤣

The fact that he thinks big is one of the things I like about him, but dear god some of it is madness. I tread a fine line between not killing his enthusiasm for life and reining is some of the more bonkers excess.

YANBU. My BIL is so similar to this and tells everyone my sister is negative when actually he just tries to see everything through rose tinted glasses which is a great thing but not appropriate to every situation, ever.
An example - a week ago it was his birthday and he planned a beach BBQ with family and friends. When the weather forecast said thunderstorms and torrential rain my sister suggested they stay home and do a nice buffet instead - he told her to stop being so negative.
Skip forward to the day before the bbq - thunderstorms still forecast and I also mentioned the forecast and was told I am negative too.
So.... there he was on the beach the next day trying to light a bbq in the pissing down rain, charcoal getting soaked through and he STILL insisted that people were being negative and irritating. Passers by questioned him as he was setting up his tent and said it assume you haven’t seen the forecast’ and he even moaned that they were being negative. It was utterly ridiculous.
That’s a trivial example but my sister can’t deal with how in the clouds he is about everything, even serious matters concerning their son. So I totally, totally get the frustration in your post.

@Michaelbaubles

This is like the division between preppers and non-preppers. Before lockdown - at the end of February - I was encouraging colleagues to stock up their cupboards and make sure classes we’re prepared to start working from home etc. I got a fair bit of “it’ll all blow over” and some people basically humoured me but didn’t really listen - but I wasn’t the one with empty kitchen shelves, and my classes were supplied with everything they needed to work remotely. Maybe I did sound negative but it was the best thing to do!

If “preppers” hadn’t over-stocked on toilet roll, pasta, flour etc., and encouraged others to do the same, there would have been no shortages. It was a fundamentally selfish behaviour.

It's not over-stocking if you've been squirrelling bits away for weeks and only buying what you will use. I had already set up a "no- deal-brexit" shelf which my DH scoffed at but has been very happy to live off!

As for the relentless negativity, I get that from DH. Everything is pointless and rubbish. Except politically, he wants to look on the bright side (we voted differently so he takes any comment quite personally).

I cope by holding my tongue when he starts and my go-to comment is, "Well, we'll just have to wait and see."