To have told friend he's a weirdo?

[orangecats]

I am furloughed and so is a friend of mine. During the week we chat a lot to pass the time when we would be at work usually.

Yesterday, being the weekend, I didn't message him apart from replying to a few random photos he had sent. He then messaged me goodnight at around 9:30pm so I responded with a thumbs up emoji.

At 10:30 he sent me paragraphs of messages, saying I was rude for not talking to him because he can see I'm online, and doesn't he deserve a 'goodnight' message from me? He said I was impolite, and I have no consistency because I message a lot during the week and not at weekends and maybe I am doing it to test him

I said he is being a complete weirdo and acting a bit crazy. That I need space on weekends and Also, I'm allowed to be online and not talk to him he seems to think it's rude if he sees me online and I'm not messaging him.

I've told him now that I'm only going to speak to him during the week, during work hours, because he seems to feel entitled to my time and it isn't healthy.

I find it kind of weird that so many posters don't think someone could clearly see that they're too old for someone and that it's creepy. I'm 41 and I'm not going to go chasing a 19/20 year old guy, because that would be weird. It isn't the norm to date someone older than your parents. People do, but the majority of people don't. Someone mentioned the Rolling Stones, but what happens in celeb circles isn't exactly representative of what goes on in the real world.

PicsinRed & CodenameVillanelle. YAS!!! Thank you both ihave one of these at work..omg youve given this poor wretch a name..i do not & have NEVER encouraged him but to be mean would be likebkicking a puppy..ok i dud tell him to STOP a few years ago but hes back. Ffs...

To be fair I think the thumbs emoji can come across rude in some contexts and he probably just thought you were being quite passive because you didn't take the time to write back but that doesn't condone his nastiness he should of just kept that to himself.

Definitely weird. Definitely out of order. Definitely 'crazy' (though for the PC brigade, me included, probably not the best word to use).

You're nicer than I am. If this had been me, he would not be getting any further messages unless specifically work related that he had to to contact me about and it would only be via work laptop/phone. I'd also inform him, so it's very clear, that his messages this weekend were extremely inappropriate for numerous reasons - weekend, hour, not work related, aggressive, confrontational and I'd tell him if it ever happens again, you will be speaking with HR/management/making an official complaint and raising a grievance.

Far too many men in the work place behave in this way and it is not acceptable. He needs to be told so that he has no excuse that he was unaware his behaviour is not OK with you.

Total CF

Think he like likes you ...... 🙈🙈🙈🙈🙈

Yuck. Just stop responding at all.

No. You're bang on with this one.

Wow. How needy. Are you his only friend?

Bit creepy actually.

You have described me with DHs ex workmate to a tee. He is a bit younger than us but wouldn't leave me alone. Always "friends" though. Things came to a head when he rocked up seriously trying it on when DH was away with work, took 2 hours to get rid of him. I reckon if my kids weren't upstairs he would have forced things but my eldest was old enough to get help and he knew it. Be careful OP this doesn't seem healthy at all!

What an entitled, narcissistic ballbag he is!! Major Red flag 🚩 Dear lord, you shouldn’t need to explain anything to him.... he’s actually acting like someone that’s not a work colleague!... more like a jealous, possessive partner and just sounds straight up iffy!! Toxic af!

Stay away OP. You think he is way too old to be interested in you romantically, but he obviously doesn’t. There are way too many predatory men out there. If you are in any way nice to them they think they own you. You responded in the right way. I just hope he now backs off. Good luck.

Cut and run.

expatinspain, I wish that was true but sadly there are plenty of men in the world (and I think it is almost exclusively men) who are delusional or narcissistic and genuinely believe a woman half their age would be interested in them. And to be fair much older man/younger woman relationships are pretty common. I think a lot of us had the experience when young of being hit on by a guy twice of three times our age, and the baffled rage some guys show at the idea any woman wouldn’t want to date them.

Apropos of nothing, if someone ever addressed me as “M’Lady” my uterus would shrivel into a tiny little bean and fall out and roll under the fridge.

Tell him to not bother you again he's too full on. X

I just saw the bit about him being older and married. Block him he's a weirdo x

My best are on the fact that he fancies you and that's why he feels entitled to your time and he thinks you feel the same way because you are talking so much...

@TheEmpressMatilda

A kid working at the grocery store called me M’lady about two years ago. Yesterday I walked past him and thought “I wonder if he knows that every time I see him I think of him as the M’Lady guy?”

He had such a pleased look on his face while he said it, too. I’m calculate that I’m 2.5 X his age.

Eww. Cut him off OP. This is so inappropriate (on his side). I would block him on anything which isn't work related (so personal mobile, Facebook, personal email etc) and ONLY respond to a work communications from your HR or manager if you are being recalled to work. (I don't think, if you are furloughed you are supposed to work and that means, to me, you don't need to be in communication with this strangely intrusive, rather aggressive person either).

This person has shown he's perfectly willing to ignore your boundaries so, when you are back at work I'd complete back off to a professional-only relationship.

He was possibly drunk. If not, then stay away from him because those messages could be the start of a nightmare if you don't. Doesn't he have other friends to talk to? No? I wonder why?

Have you heard from him again OP ??

@expatinspain

"I find it kind of weird that so many posters don't think someone could clearly see that they're too old for someone and that it's creepy"

Probably because we've all been victim to this and witnessed it. When I'm out with my DD's, who are early 20's, even in supermarkets much older men try to flirt/ give them the eye, whether they are with their wives or not. You see it in pubs where a group of young women are trying to be polite to someone the same age as their grandad.

OP, when you hit your 40's, you'll realise that most of the men being 'nice' over your lifetime, were actually perving off you.

@HannaYeah, perhaps he was into RL RP/reinactment. You might have had the pleasure of meeting Robin of Loxley.