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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be following the guidance still?

144 replies

shakeituntilyoumakeit · 13/06/2020 21:54

everyone I have spoken to appears to be breaching the rules in some way, some apologetically, some not, some big, some small, from people who have carried on seeing partners all the way through this to friends presently at their holiday home. Am I the dickhead here for doing what I’m told? two of my household are sheilding and we’ve been invited to two parties this weekend.

OP posts:
Welliesandpyjamas · 14/06/2020 08:15

We've followed the rules strictly:

  • worked from home
  • homeschooled the children
  • DH did his rota days at his school in personally purchased PPE
  • the rest of us didn't leave our village the whole time
  • antibacced food packaging and post
  • did click and collect rather than enter shops
  • kept huge distances away from anyone we came across when walking the dog

And guess what? I feel like I was conned and tricked and treated like an idiot. I have read all the released documents from the SAGE meetings now and feel embarrassed that I was tricked in to feeling terrified of this virus. DH has been seriously petrified of bringing it home and making me and the dc ill. Reading those docs and the Cummings episode did it for us. Our response has not been to break the rules though, we are not like that, but we now feel very negatively about the government.

FatalSecrets · 14/06/2020 08:15

We have throughout and continue to do so.

The only slight “breech” was that upon learning we could bubble with my parents we saw them Friday instead of waiting until Saturday.

Areyouactuallyseriousrightnow · 14/06/2020 08:16

Have stuck to the rules and will continue to, as we’ve formed a bubble with my mother and for her peace of mind it’s worth it.
Know plenty who haven’t, for a while. If we all did this the infection level would increase so I don’t agree with it.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/06/2020 08:22

Judge me for 'breaking lockdown' if you wish but I really don't care.

That's my take on it too. People can judge me all they like and tell me I'm all sorts of things, they're the ones getting wound up, not me. I'm certainly not going to lose sleep over it.

Endless11 · 14/06/2020 08:25

I have read all the released documents from the SAGE meetings now and feel embarrassed that I was tricked in to feeling terrified of this virus.

@Welliesandpyjamas - what do the minutes say? Why do you feel we were tricked? Genuinely asking.

feelingdizzy · 14/06/2020 08:25

We are in Scotland and following rules, but also trying to have some sort of normality.So yesterday went to my Mums garden did the 2m thing. My brother and his kids coming to our garden today.My teenagers have generally being seeing a friend everyday in gardens going for walks. I walk/ run everyday and have been using local shops takeaways. I'm a teacher so in childcare hub once or twice a week.Teens have online music lessons,lots of online chat with friends too
So although very different I'm determined to keep moving forward and to start to (safely)reclaim some of our lives.

okiedokieme · 14/06/2020 08:32

No parties here but I've bent the rules - for good reason I might add because the designers of the rules didn't take into account those with more complicated lives and those not living full time with partners until now (and still there's issues). I've not put anyone at risk btw but I split between two houses, but wfh all but 2 days a month (own office, only person in building)

okiedokieme · 14/06/2020 08:39

Ps I had it in March (probably) before full lockdown so I'm pretty blasé, only significant symptoms was loss of taste and smell for over a week (dp got a fever for 2 days). I'm probably immune so am getting on with my life

Thisdressneedspockets · 14/06/2020 08:40

The latest ons report estimates that 1 in 1700 people or 0.06 percent have it. Of those, only the asymptomatic should be out and about. That's tiny odds of coming across someone with it, unless there's a massive local cluster.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/06/2020 08:47

I have read all the released documents from the SAGE meetings now and feel embarrassed that I was tricked in to feeling terrified of this virus.

As more information comes out, there are going to be a lot more people that feel this way, but that's the way the government wanted people to feel and now it has spectacularly backfired on them.

The reporting of the figures went a long way to do this. My GP was and probably still is extremely angry over the way the figures were being reported, "deliberately inaccurate to convey a specific message" were his words. But as he said, what's the point in trying to do anything, the public won't believe him and he will be "advised" to say nothing.

SomewhereEast · 14/06/2020 08:49

We informally bubbled with another family about a month ago to give the DCs other children to play with. They desparately needed it and I have zero regrets. Likewise if we meet up with friends and everyone's happy to just let the 2m slide for the DCs, then slide it does. In every other way we've been boringly compliant, even though I've been at all worried about the virus

1990shopefulftm · 14/06/2020 08:54

We ve stuck to them, family and friends are quite far away anyway so although it's not normally this long we don't see them for weeks at a time.

They completely understand that me being pregnant and asthmatic and my family has a history of unlikely health problems going badly wrong that I don't want to take any risks when I don't have to. Luckily DH can do the food shopping so I ve only seen delivery drivers and medical professionals apart from him in the past 3 months.

HowFastIsTooFast · 14/06/2020 08:57

So far as I can see from social media I am the only person I know still trying to practice physical distancing 🤷🏼‍♀️ I haven't seen my friends in weeks (after initially doing so when we were allowed to, the place we live is on a different lockdown path to the UK) because they've just abandoned the whole thing and gone back to hugs, kisses, parties, sleepovers etc etc and I don't want to be part of that yet.

SomewhereEast · 14/06/2020 08:58

Just to add, my entire county hasn't recorded a single confirmed Covid case in four days now. The level circulating in the wider community across much of the UK is minute. If people don't feel 'safe' going about their lives (with moderate restrictions)now, then when will they feel 'safe'? When it does it end? A vaccine might be years away and the chances of the UK completely eliminating it are tiny, so at some point surely it becomes just another minor risk we factor into our lives, in the same way we still get into our cars & drive even though deadly road accidents occasionally happen.

Sucksfake1 · 14/06/2020 09:00

Still following here. I developed a still mystery stomach infection that spread to my chest it was near enough impossible to see a doctor and ended up virtually bedbound for 6 weeks.

I've recovered mostly after eventually getting antibiotics after the mental health team I'd been reffered to for an eating disorder (so secret I didn't know I had it Hmm) but at one point I genuinely thought it was it. I'm 31 no underlying health conditions but I think covid could finish me off at this point I'm that scrawny and still quite weak.

Saw Boris's bounce back comment with an ominous feeling. I've "bounced back" from surgery, sepsis, a coma, serious things yet I certainly didn't this time.

Wowthisisreal · 14/06/2020 09:02

@welliesanspyjamas it' was never a 'rule' to antibac deliveries. Also the rules around how far you can travel have been relaxed for a while now!

FWIW I'm following the spirit of the rules with my own common sense because some of the rules make no sense.

Gov says DS should/could be in nursery now. Nursery are not required to socially distance, have made it clear cuddles will still be maintained (as they should). Why should my son hug his keyworker and be picked up by her and her colleagues all day (when I have no idea where she has been, who they have been seeing) but he can't hug his GP?

Why can he go to nursery with 15 other kids and play freely with them but not with his cousins (two of whom actually go to the same nursery so would be playing with him anyway??!). Makes no sense.

Why can he go to nursery but not to his other childcare (GP)? They are not vulnerable and are fit and well.

Wowthisisreal · 14/06/2020 09:04

Everyone saying they haven't seen someone in months - you've been able to see people for a few weeks now?! Even if you are shielding you are allowed to see people.

What rules are you following where you are needlessly isolating yourself?

SqidgeBum · 14/06/2020 09:10

I moa6rly stick to the rules. The only one we have broken is my MIL has hugged my DD (18 months). We live in England and have seen family in the garden, so our one shop a week, socially distanced walks. I am clinically vulnerable and wfh, dh is furloughed. My in laws saw their grandson (dhs nephew) last week. He goes to creche. They hugged him, he was in the house, and they promised us they wouldn't see him so they would minimise the risk of infection to us. Now we wont let my MIL hug my DD.

However, I feel like an idiot. Where I l live there hasn't been a case in the city for 4 days. Not a death, a single case. The risk is so minimal. I am taking more risks of death driving risk morrisons. I think I have become so used to thinking I should stick to the rules I have forgotten logic. I think I will force myself to ease up a little, maybe see a friend in a park and not worry about keeping my 18 month old (who hasn't seen another child in 3 months) tied to me. Surely everytime I walk out my door I run the risk of death or disease. Maybe I need to face the minimal risk of covid 19 and start getting back to life.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 09:12

@Wowthisisreal

Everyone saying they haven't seen someone in months - you've been able to see people for a few weeks now?! Even if you are shielding you are allowed to see people.

What rules are you following where you are needlessly isolating yourself?

Max 5 mile distance in Wales, although that is flexible to include 'local'. Obviously if families are not local, you can't see them. We've not allowed to go inside someone's home (here in Wales) so you can only travel and socialise for as long as you can hold your bladder anyway.

People who live close by have always been able to walk past each other's gardens or speak through the window.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 09:16

"The level circulating in the wider community across much of the UK is minute. "

Testing of ordinary people only started on Monday and I wonder if everyone knows they can get a test now.
Seeing as someone who lives in my area caught it in the supermarket, I'm still going to be cautious.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 09:19

[quote Ponoka7]@Gwenhwyfar, so your friend has had the equivalent of a cold and now his immune system may have been set up to protect him for Winter, so what is the issue?[/quote]
The issue is that Coronavirus is circulating in the supermarkets near where I live when others are claiming there is no longer any community transmission or that it's only in care homes.
It also shows you how easy it is to catch with some people saying that if people break the rules that is an issue only for those people. It's not - it spreads the disease.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 09:20

"We've been told that there's little chance of transmission in shops, if we are just passing each other."

Yes, we've been told that, but my friend thinks the only place he could have caught it is in the supermarket.

SqidgeBum · 14/06/2020 09:21

What has me a little worried with the testing is the accuracy. My sister, a nurse, only in her 20s and very healthy, came down with Coronavirus symptoms last week. She couldn't breathe, couldn't walk, had a cough. She had been treating a patient who had it. She was 100% convinced she had it. She had two tests done and both came back negative. A week on she is still struggling to walk and breathe. The tests are only 65% accurate according to her, and many of her patients were tested 6 or 7 times before they came back positive. What keeps me from resuming normal life is the worry that it's worse out there than we think.

SueEllenMishke · 14/06/2020 09:26

People need to manage their own risk. We've been following the guidelines but we're starting to relax a little.
We're both working from home, DS is off school and we're getting shopping delivered so as a family were very,very low risk.

Plus our area has had hardly any cases.....my immediate area has had one confirmed death ( back in march and they had underlying health conditions and contracted it in Italy). The wider area 'peaked' at the start of April and has been in steady decline since and the local hospital hasn't had any cases admitted for over 3 weeks.
We need to take a more localised approach now. My son can't go back to school even though he's in one of the three dedicated year groups because they don't have space but the stats would suggest that our area poses very, very little risk.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 14/06/2020 09:30

@Gwenhwyfar your friend is one person out of 60 million though. How many people have actually caught it in supermarkets? I haven't and I go to the supermarket twice a week, have done since lockdown started. The odd person is going to catch it out and about. The vast majority won't.