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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be following the guidance still?

144 replies

shakeituntilyoumakeit · 13/06/2020 21:54

everyone I have spoken to appears to be breaching the rules in some way, some apologetically, some not, some big, some small, from people who have carried on seeing partners all the way through this to friends presently at their holiday home. Am I the dickhead here for doing what I’m told? two of my household are sheilding and we’ve been invited to two parties this weekend.

OP posts:
morethanmeetstheeye · 13/06/2020 23:01

Yep. I feel very stressed about how I'm being made to feel from my work as I'm still very much following the rules.

I'm a teacher and I'm clinically vulnerable yet I've been asked to go in a teach in a bubble where I will not being able to have the strict social distancing I'm meant to have/do (and have done since the start of lockdown) to protect my health.

So I've said that according to the government guidance, I shouldn't be doing that but I'm being made to feel so guilty.

It's exhausting!

MamaFirst · 13/06/2020 23:02

I don't believe for a second that most people having parties are actually staying 2m apart. People can't even go for a walk at the beach without having zero regard for the rules or even attempting to follow them with perfect strangers. I think most have given up and are now cheating, yes. Or have zero clue/concern as to how far 2m actually is.

BillywilliamV · 13/06/2020 23:03

You are all marvellous, well done!

LavenderLilacTree · 13/06/2020 23:04

I do feel Dominic Cummings is responsible for many people thinking, "Well if a senior government advisor doesn't have to follow guidelines then neither do I". I think the number of people bending the rules has increased a lot since his actions were made public

Msmcc1212 · 13/06/2020 23:08

We are still following the guidance and so are most of our friends and neighbours. I don’t want to ever worry that I caused someone’s death unknowingly and unnecessarily. I’ll do everything I can.

morethanmeetstheeye · 13/06/2020 23:17

I'm getting very angry at how I'm meant to 'put the children first' (as in - my job) yet as someone who is clinically vulnerable I am actually putting MY children first by ensuring I follow guidance and stay safe so I don't potentially get infected in a school environment where I am not allowed to wear PPE.

It's infuriating!

CountreeGurl · 13/06/2020 23:19

We are following the rules, as are most round where I live. I'm not at risk but I don't want to risk spreading it to anyone. If we all followed the rules, this would be over for everyone quicker. It is called social responsibility

Coyoacan · 13/06/2020 23:34

Well if you have people shielding in your household it would be extremely unwise not to adhere strictly to the guidance. I don't like in the UK but I'm a healthy 67 year old, so I took a couple of liberties to see my daughter and granddaughter, but then my housemate brought her 80-year-old mother to stay with us, so of course I had to give that up.

EastMidsMumOf1 · 13/06/2020 23:43

In a way I have, in other ways haven't.
I live in flats at the moment and if I'm passing a neighbour in the communal hallway we will stand and have a chat, at a distance but probably not an exact 2m. I go shopping more than deemed "necessary" due to the bloody limit on buying multiple items!
Also my mum has started coming round this week as I've just been diagnosed with placenta previa aswell as PGP so needing as much help with the kids as I can get and DH works long hours so hes not much use right now.

KindKylie · 13/06/2020 23:52

I think the randomness of the relaxation of restrictions means a lot of people are carrying out their own risk assessments and making decisions according to their circumstances rather than following the blanket rules.

I find it odd that my dc could have been in school/nursery/childminder the whole of lockdown (I'm a keyworker) and I could have been going into shops in person (we've had click and collect slots) and from Monday we could go to places like Primark and the flipping zoo without people passing any judgement at all but I have received criticism for meeting cousins for a socially distant bike ride (total number 8 not 6 but only 2 households with entirely outdoor and socially distant contact.) So we're rule breakers, but the rules make no sense really.

I would love there to be more evidence around things. For example, are outdoor interactions actually a risk? Is there any evidence of transmission via objects ie in shops? Why are parks still closed? Why can 6 people all from different households meet, but 8 people from only 2 households can't?

My feeling is less households is preferable to less people?

Original poster
shakeituntilyoumakeit · 14/06/2020 04:45

Thank you. I think what is really getting Under my skin at the moment is when people try n explain there behaviour to me sayin things like O well we really need a change of scenery when I’m not leavin the house.

OP posts:
ButterMeCrumpets · 14/06/2020 05:26

I haven't stuck to them religiously.

I took my car out for drives to keep the battery charged when we were in the midst of hard lockdown.

I have recently gone into the house of elderly relatives to help them out and didn't maintain distance (both households were happy to do this based on our own risk assessment).

Technically both of these are against the rules but quite frankly I don't care. I will continue to be careful but equally apply my own risk assessment to myself and my actions.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/06/2020 06:15

Not following the rules/guidance whatever you want to call it. We did for a bit, but not anymore.

I'm meant to be shielding, but no, not anymore.

Saw my nurse on Friday that does my bloods and told her I'm not up for this any of this anymore, my life is tough enough living with constant pain and little sleep because of it, buggered if I'm being all but confined to home with no quality of life. Surprisingly her response was that she didn't blame me, life has to go on.

MimosaFields · 14/06/2020 06:25

My family live abroad and I live alone here. I work from home. I have several friends in the same situation and we've been seeing each other for walks, or coffee in the garden from well before it was allowed. I think we started around the time when Cummings showed the world that it was fine.

So I have not followed the rules completely, but I've kept my wits. I would not have survived 11 weeks completely alone in a small apartment

MimosaFields · 14/06/2020 06:31

Shielding was never compulsory.

it was always your choice to decide whether to follow the recommendations, which were issued by experts for your benefit. However nobody was under house arrest. It was a recommendation

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 06:35

I can accept some minor breaches, but people who break the rules in a big way give me the rage, particularly when there's no reason for it.

I also think MNHQ need to look at their policy of allowing people to ask advice on things that are clearly in breach of lockdown. Those threads should be taken down and the reason clearly noted.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 06:36

"the cases are so few you probably couldn't catch it if you tried."

Yes, a friend of mine caught in Sainsburys last week. He doesn't go for walks, doesn't go to the park and was obviously not trying to catch it.

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 06:38

"I can’t see why we need to leave him at home in the afternoon."

I can't see why he needs to go either. What's the justification for it?

Gwenhwyfar · 14/06/2020 06:39

"Didn’t keep 2m apart."

Why not?

Voxx · 14/06/2020 06:45

I’m sticking to the rules, although I must say, life feels pretty normal now really. I’m a key worker so am working full time. My children are also at school and have wrap around care provided by a childminder. My biggest hardship was not seeing my boyfriend but that’s allowed now too. I do miss sitting in a coffee shop/restaurant/pub though!

Florabella · 14/06/2020 06:49

Quite a few minor infringements here, but I have done my own risk assessment and confident that i haven't increased risk. Went to the beach with another family, which meant 8 of us - still well spaced out. Met up with a group of friends - 7 of us, still well spaced out. Went for a walk with a friend where most of the time we would only have been a metre apart. Out town has had no new hospital admissions for over two weeks. I followed rules completely in full lockdown.

I agree with pp who said that probably most people have broken 2m rule. The vast majority of people I see walking or sitting together are closer than 2m apart. People don't estimate it properly.

Oblomov20 · 14/06/2020 06:53

Yep. Found it easy to be honest. Can't see what the problem is. Met with friends, still social distancing. Easy.

PhilCornwall1 · 14/06/2020 07:06

@Gwenhwyfar how very 1984. Ask what you want, but it must be within the "rules".

midnightstar66 · 14/06/2020 07:12

I also think MNHQ need to look at their policy of allowing people to ask advice on things that are clearly in breach of lockdown. Those threads should be taken down and the reason clearly noted.

Gosh!

*"I can’t see why we need to leave him at home in the afternoon."

I can't see why he needs to go either. What's the justification for it?*

Didn't NS just advise to try and keep to one household - a suggestion rather than a hard and fast rule. I thought all the competitive misery stuff had faded out!

midnightstar66 · 14/06/2020 07:17

I have been sticking to the rules, it's pretty easy to now they have been relaxed given that I don't know that many people and I'm not a hugger so 2m and one household at a time is no hardship. DC on the other hand not so much. They've formed a bit of a street bubble and play with the other dc on the street conscious of the 2m but I'm sure it slips. All of the families are sticking to the rules in all other ways and none of us are going out to work which would be far higher risk. Also what's with the once a week shopping - was that ever a rule or one made up by the sticklers? I sometimes pop in to Sainsbury's local - it would t be open if there was a once a week rule as no one can get their full weeks shop in there unless you lived off pasta and sauce or something

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