To just give up!

[Whatelsecanipossiblydo]

I’ve name changed.

I’ve hit the point of feeling totally overwhelmed/frustrated/sad/angry and need to vent.

I’ve made the mistake of reading too much news, too many teacher bashing threads on here and now a message from a parent has tipped me over the edge.

During lockdown I’ve worked from home to teach. I have literally done the best I can. I have prepared online lessons of English, maths and one foundation subject every day. I have uploaded in various formats, organised paper work for students who can’t do it electronically. I have differentiated each task I have set. I have uploaded video tutorials and me modelling the work. I have marked every single piece of work that hasn’t been self marking. I upload a personal video message to the page to greet the children each morning and once a week I upload a video of me reading a story/poem or piece of non-fiction that I think they’d enjoy. I give them credits for their work and have tried to celebrate even the smallest of achievements that I know are big to some families. Each child in the class has received some sort of recognition for their work. I have called each family to offer support at 3 times now with extra calls to those who requested I called back . I have sent achievement certificates in the post. I give separate work to my SEN students. I have organised class games and competitions for fun.

This morning I got up and went to do some work and found a message from a parent basically saying that she and some of the other parents feel like I’ve really let their children down. She said they feel I have shown favouritism to one of the SEN children by setting personalised work (the only way they could know about this is to have talked to that parent) and not doing it for their children. She also said that I’d taken the lazy option of uploading work rather than zoom lessons (my school as a whole were not doing these). She said that they were upset that some of the marking comments weren’t personalised with their names which means I’ve copied and pasted. She also complained that I didn’t reply to a message she’d left asking for her child’s log in details for an online learning platform when she sent the message just before 5pm and I didn’t reply until after 8pm (I’d stopped working to have food and see to my children and put them to bed). She went on to call me unprofessional, lazy, unaware of the struggles of families and that as a group off parents they feel I should answer for the damage to their children’s education over lockdown.

I have cried. I feel so hurt and upset. I’ve tried to teach what I would teach in school as closely as I could... I literally don’t know what else I could have done.

I feel like giving up. I feel like just uploading some generic planning from a website and letting them get on with it.
I know I don’t do my job for thanks and recognition but I also don’t feel I deserve that. I feel like I’ve wasted my time...and if they weren’t happy then why the hell haven’t they said before now. I’ve spoken to them on the phone... they’ve had a questionnaire sent from school...

I know it won’t be all parents but I don’t know how many parents she’s talking about...
Would I seriously be unreasonable to step back and reduce my provision...or am I just spirting my dummy out...

If I were your Head Teacher I would absolutely shred this bitch, in the iciest, most cutting way imaginable. She would be on her knees apologising to you.

I think you are being amazingly restrained in not replying to her, but your Head needs to get on this straight away on Monday. I would telephone her and follow it up with a very formal written response. I would simply not permit any of my staff to be addressed in such a vile and ignorant manner.
Your description of the work you have been doing sounds entirely authentic and shows many examples of the very best practice. She is clearly too thick to understand and I feel sorry for her child (children?).

Do whatever you can this weekend to distract you from it. If it would make you feel better, send her a very clipped message advising that, given the nature of her communication, she will be hearing from the Head.

Let her worry for a bit!

Can you make a complaint about her? Not sure to who mind but you’re being harassed! You have your own life and this lockdown is HARD! Christ alive, you have your own kids and a whole classroom of kids to think about. Not just this entitled bitches!!!! Definitely ignore and speak to the head about how you feel x

Unbelievable this is harassment. I personally wouldn’t block her but also wouldn’t be opening anymore emails either from her.
That’s good that you feel your head will deal with it. And you sound like your dealing with it well.
Hopefully she will let it be today and step away from her computer. Crazy woman.

You've gone over and beyond OP but the sad reality is that for some people that will never be enough. You could be working 24/7 and giving them your salary on top and it wouldn't be enough. The good news is that that's entirely their problem and nothing to do with you. She has no power over you. She really does sound like she has some serious issues and taking them out on you. I hope the head teacher backs you up (sounds like he will). Try not to let it get to you in the meantime. We're all on your side!

That is awful-I hope your head teacher has your back on this one.

How horrible for you op, I'm a former teacher and had a couple of parents like this in the past and they are one of the reasons I won't return to teaching, although I did love the job.
Do you think she might have been drinking when she fired off those emails (not that it's an excuse) but seems odd that all of a sudden she sends 3 emails on a Saturday night out of the blue all with increasingly unreasonable demands etc especially the last one at 10.30. I wouldn't be surprised if she's waking up with a massive hangover and beer fear this morning. I agree with pp don't reply and forward to the head it is not your job to deal with this shit. I hope you have a restful Sunday try to put it out of your mind.

Hi Op - make sure you know any school complaints procedure fully (sorry I'm sure that the last thing you want to double check this weekend). Follow it to the letter.

I would reply tomorrow morning at 8am along the lines of - Thank you for your emails. I have referred your complaints to Head/SLT in accordance with our school policy. You will receive a response from x within x days. Blah blah.

Neutral and professional. It's lets her know what happens next, gives a timeline and she then has no reason to contact you further.

You are doing an amazing job. When any parent speaks to me and claims to be speaking on behalf of other parents I always tell them they must only speak on their own behalf and other parents are welcome to speak to me privately if they wish.
She sounds like a complete idiot. I do know how hard it is but she is only one parent so please don’t give up.

You're doing a huge amount of work in very difficult and uncharted territory, so thank you for that. I'm sure the majority of your children's parents are grateful for the work you are doing. Pity they can't be made aware of this awful bitch. It only takes one entitled parent to make you feel shit. Try to ignore her and her clique.

Who emails a teacher at 10.30pm on a Saturday and expects a reply?????

Wow you are already doing so much! My DD's school haven't called at all, we can pick up a generic weekly work pack but they don't have to do it, teachers aren't marking it at all, it's all left to the parents. That parent has no idea how good they have it!

You sound a lot like DD2s teacher. I'm utterly grateful that she's so conscientious about her job and genuinely cares for the children.

I know there'll be at least 2 children in the class receiving more attention than my daughter...but I also know they need it and don't begrudge them that.

Your post has made me realise I haven't passed on this gratitude because all interaction has been between my daughter and the teacher. I just supervise from my end. I'm drafting an email today to thank her and sending to the head.

I hope your head backs you up fully against this parent. Please don't let it ruin what's left of your weekend.

Don’t block her op, it’s obvious you’re doing a fantastic job. Give her enough rope... I suppose it would be very professional to reply , cc The head or bcc If you don’t want to share his email, once done with morning class urgencies ‘thank you for your emails of 5:30pm Friday, 3pm Saturday and 10:38pm Saturday. I have forwarded them to the head.’
If you don’t know his response time don’t bother adding that kind of detail!

She is unhinged OP. You sound amazing and her attitude is entitled and appalling. Please try not to let her get to you.

I agree to send a brief reply to inform her that the matter will be dealt with by the Head then ignore any subsequent emails and just forward them to your HT.
I'm secondary core and was running online lessons for the whole school at the start of lockdown until my HOD told me to step back and shared out the workload - at the start I was the only one familiar with the platform.
We do what we can do - usually more than we can do! - and ultimately we do it for the kids. I'd be hurt if a kid felt I was letting them down but know that parents only see what they want to see sometimes.
I've spoken to loads of parents both from an academic and pastoral pov. Everyone is struggling and people deal with this in their own way. Some will look for a scapegoat and some do forget that we are people too with our own families and struggles. It's the messages from the kids that keep me going.
Your HT will back you on this and they will be more than capable of setting the parent straight.
Go back and find any positive messages you have received, and the support from here, and focus on that.
You, We, are doing a great job, the kids know that, appreciate us and that's all that matters.

So the head called me this morning to make sure I was okay. He is going to follow it up tomorrow. He has explained that he can’t give me full details yet but that in the past week there have been some ‘issues’ regarding that family. Reading into what he said, there’s a history I don’t know of from when the child’s older sibling (who has now left our school) attended .It sounds like there’s much more going on here than I know.
He is pleased I didn’t reply and is happy for me to have blocked. He has said that he will tell her that from now on, all communication has to go to him and that he’ll speak to me again tomorrow once he has contacted the family.

Okay so firstly you absolutely do not have to reply. It is the weekend. You also dont need to justify why you didnt reply to her message at 5pm.

Secondly it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job. Its fairly fucking obvious why an SEN child might need different work to the rest of the class and you shouldnt have to explain that to a parent. Its not fair on the child if you then have to explain why that child needs additional help or why they couldnt do the work set for the whole class.

Its also obvious why zoom classes are not a good idea

It amazes me that some parents entrust their childs education to someone they clearly disrespect so much. I think some parents forget theres a class of 30, and that teachers exist outside of providing a 1:1 education for their child. I think the disrespect towards teachers on a whole throughout this has been vile.

The fact she maybe struggling is not an excuse to verbally attack a teacher. Thats never acceptable, you are not there to be a punching bag for frustrated parents.

To those who have said they’re going to pass on gratitude to their teachers - this is great. Thank you. Honestly- it will mean so much!!

Thank goodness for your Head. So, one of 'thooooooose' families, huh? Every school has 'em, I'm sure.

I can just imagine some posters on here being like that, given how much and how hard they like to put the boot into schools and teachers.

I would have told her that the extra work for the child with SEN was necessary and you are not on call 24/7. Cheeky fucker. Luckily OP, you probably won't have to deal with this bunch of parents when schools go back.

It’s so fucking depressing but it doesn’t surprise me one bit. Look at the multitude of threads on Mumsnet alone that insist we are useless, lazy and easily replaceable.

I left 16 years of teaching in state behind due to this kind of nonsense, now I’m an inch away from jacking teaching in completely. I’m sick of bending over backwards for other people’s kids at the detriment of my own, just to be told I’m lazy.

You are a better person than me for soldiering

@Whatelsecanipossiblydo

I'm so pleased to read that your head is dealing with this.

Just in case though, can I suggest that you make sure you keep copies of all communications from and to this parent, including any emails from the head, in your personal email account.

I've been in your position at one school and emails were deleted from my school email account to remove evidence of harassment. I'd kept copies which I forwarded to my personal email and had to use these when my union got involved. It sounds like your head is handling this and will back you, but things can come back to bite you years down the line. Make sure you're protecting yourself.

OP, your head has been brilliant, I'm so glad they've stuck up for you (as they should) and will handle things.

And just in case you need to hear it again: you're doing an incredible job

Can I just say a huge THANK YOU to all teachers out there

I’m so glad your head is backing you up with this and that he’s supporting you with blocking the vile POS mother.

FWIW I think teachers have been hit so hard with all this. Even from an emotional aspect, for a huge proportion of the normal day you’re “Mum” to a class. You wipe tears and noses, give cuddles, give encouragement - all the things a parent would do. So not only has your job completely changed, you’re probably missing (at least some of) your kids more than a lot of parents could imagine